My new obsession? The semi-new Espresso Bar at Sheetz. If you don't live in Central PA, or other Sheetz location, or you've never heard of the gasoline/mini-mart chain, then you might as well just move on to your next blog post because you're not going to want to hear what I'm about to say out of shear jealousy.

Now I'm not sure how long Sheetz has had this Espresso Bar because when I go to Sheetz (which is on average at least 2 times a week [3 if you're counting gasoline stops]) I usually just get an MTO. Usually an Italian sub, sausage sandwich biscuit or hamburger. Sometimes I get the chili dogs too. Or a chicken sub. The meatball subs are great as well! Anywho, I'm drifting here. Focus Jimmy! Espresso Bar. It's awesome and here's why.

Unlike their regular coffees which are made by Yours Truly, drinks from the Espresso Bar are made by Sheetz employees right in front of my eyes (but behind the tall wall of candy bar displays and electronic ordering computers of course). I use the same computers I do when ordering my MTOs to select the type of drink and any extras I may or may not want. Extras such as cinnamon, nutmeg, even a whipped cream topping. Oh yeah! I have my selection of what type of milk, skim, 2% or whole and whether I want regular or decaf (I do not recommend regular at 1100PM at night unless you want to sleep poorly because these puppies are indeed high in caffeine)! My favorites right this very moment? Raspberry-Vanilla latte, and Chai lattes both of course with whipped cream on top. Other flavors of lattes include Banana, Caramel, Hazelnut, Raspberry, Vanilla, Caramel & Vanilla, Caramel & Hazelnut and Very Vanilla (with a few sugar free versions of some of those too). But I'm not just limited to lattes. Oh no my friend. I have my choice of lattes, mochas, espressos, hot chocolate, steamers, iced lattes, and iced mochas. Shall I go on? There are frozen lattes, frozen mochas, frozen creamers and even fruit smoothies! Can there be a more heavenly place on Earth (probably, places such as New Zealand, St. Thomas, The Galapagos Islands and The Rocky Mountains may physically be more heavenly, but there are no Sheetz there)?

Now I know what you're thinking, "What's the big deal? Starbucks has been serving up those drinks for years you crackpot!" While this may be true (and I don't care for you calling me names), Starbucks is no Sheetz! Also with Sheetz Coffeez you can order without human interaction! That means no ear straining to understand the person waiting on you, and no smelling bad breath and looking at unkept, dirty high-schoolers. No worrying either whether or not the employee wrote your order down properly. Just touch your finger to what you want, and you're done. What could be more marvelous? If you want a full menu of Sheetz' new Espresso Bar, check out this link here. Oh did I mention the prices? And you thought the prices for electronics were cheep these days. It's almost more expensive to buy a soda than an iced mocha. Eat, err drink, that Star-flippin'-bucks!

I always feel like such a retard when I order apple juice at a restaurant. I'm just waiting for the day when the waitress looks at me like I have two heads and utters," Seriously? How old are you?" And that's so ridiculous too. Why should I feel idiotic when I order that drink? For some reason it just seems like a children's drink. Why don't I just say, "And can you throw in some Gerber smashed peas in a jar to go with that!" Why should I be forced into humiliation when I order something healthy to drink?

What's more, this country claims that it is very concerned with the growing rate of obesity, however just about every restaurant will give you refills of soda for free! What's the calorie intake on a single can of non-diet soda? 160 calories maybe? And that's just a can! Those giant plastic cups that are large enough to quench the thirst of Attila The Hun have to be capable of holding at least 3 cans! Okay, so you drink diet soda. Oh that is so much better for you! I mean there is no real sugar in that I suppose. Just cancerous artificial sweetener and the addictive, yet underrated drug caffeine. Rarely is a restaurant willing to give me a refill of juice for free. Plus typically a glass of juice costs on average $0.20 more^[1]. I guess one could argue that most juices contain just as much sugars and calories as soda, if not more-so. But I doubt that you would find a doctor that would tell his patients to drink more soda and less juice. Unless of course his name was Dr. Pepper.

¹My averages are based solely on the fact that I may or may not accurately remember the last 5 menus I've looked at and their restaurant's prices for juices and sodas. In other words, I just picked a number at the top of my head to make me appear like I know what I'm talking about like the rest of the world does.

Go ahead and guess who was at Marzoni's (apparently known as Marz to the locals???) in Duncansville last night. You know what, just stop guessing because you'll never get it right. The USC Men's Volleyball Team! That's right, I'm talking about the University of Southern California's NCAA men's volleyball team right here in central Pennsylvania. At first when the host at Marzoni's said that the USC volleyball team was going to be there I thought he said USAV because honestly, why would USC come to Altoona, PA? I was obviously proven to be mistaken though when The Trojans walked thru the restaurant doors and sat down at their reserved tables. So of course since we were within touching distance of the team we decided to listen in on some of their conversations. Not surprisingly they were not impressed with the Altoona area or Harrisburg International Airport, the airport they flew into. Seriously though, what are the odds? Oh and their reason form meandering The Railroad City? A pre-season game with PSU. How nice must it be to fly cross-country, skip a day and a half of classes and play volleyball for a day? If I would have had a camera with me, I would have taken a picture. Of course I would have been in it, wearing a Trojan's sweatshirt and hoisted above the other players like a set of dumbbells!

I'm not a huge fan of the food stores changing around their inventory from time to time. I mean, I guess I can see their little gimmick going on there. They figure that if they just suddenly mix up and re-organize their products, they can catch those product shoppers that know-exactly-what-they-want-and-go-right-to-their-spot off guard, and force them to look at, and pass by products that they otherwise would not. And frankly, I guess I'm okay with that. I mean I am one of those shoppers, but really this only gripes me a couple times a year. Usually I'm more irritated by the grocery store no longer carrying the exact product I desire. What I'm really curious about though, is when in the heck do the stores have time to do this? At night during closed hours obviously but in my opinion this would take much longer than a single night shift. Think about it. There are isles upon isles of items counting easily into the thousands, maybe even tens of thousands, that need moved from one side of the store to the other. Of course some isles cannot change like the refrigerated, fruit and freezer sections, but usually everything else will get completely re-routed. Somehow I doubt the workers are just filling up cart after cart pushing this stuff around the store all night long. Then as if that doesn't take long enough, all the price tags need to be moved around too. You know, those plastic tags on on the shelves that, as a little kid, you used to queue up and slide all the way down to the end of the isle with your index finger. Oooh, my mom would go ballistic when she caught me doing that! Secretly though I think the stores have "isle movers" that just lift the whole blasted shelving unit high to the ceiling, then maneuver it to the the other side of the store and lower it back down. Because seriously, that would be flippin' awesome! And of course who wouldn't want to see something go wrong and suddenly there is the domino effect going on with the shelves in the entire store!

On a completely separate note, I love pumpkin flavor! Pumpkin pie, pumpkin oatmeal, pumpkin fluff, pumpkin bread, I love it all! So why do we only have it during this time of year? I'm pretty sure if we can grow apples and oranges all year long, we can do the same with pumpkins. Why do we have seasonal foods at all really? If I want a delicious soft ice cream cone in the middle of the winter, then I should be able to get one! As long as it's not pumpkin flavor. Pumpkin ice cream just doesn't sound like something I'd like to stuff into my mouth. Not while I'm conscious and breathing anyway.

I am really not a fan of diet sodas. In fact I just flat out don't like them. If that's all there is to drink, yeah I'll thrown one back, but heck I'd even do that with cheese and that isn't really saying much at all (just to point out I would never just eat cheese. That's gross. If someone put it on food not knowing [or evening knowing because they are evil] that I didn't eat it, I would eat it). So when I heard about this new Coke Zero thing I thought, "Yeah right, it's going to taste just like all the other low-cal, no-cal soft drinks; like diet."

Finally today, there was nothing in our fridge at The Workplace except for a few cans of this Coke Zero. I figured, "What the hey!" Now my boss has been telling me for months now (maybe even years, it's hard to tell) about how this stuff doesn't taste like diet. I just brush him off when he makes comments like that because he says Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi doesn't taste like diet and it sure as heck does!

So anywho I pop the can and take a swig. Aside from the slightest, and I do mean slightest, aftertaste of something not like regular Coca-Cola, I could not for the life of me tell that this had no calories in it. That's right my friends. No diet taste. Not even a hint! I was simply amazed that such a feat had taken place.

Now if only Pepsi would come out with Pepsi Zero (I know they have Pepsi One, but guess what, it tastes like diet) that tasted like regular Pepsi, I might just drop The Dew. Okay, forget that, that's not happening. Love The Dew!

In case you didn’t know, I love to eat pie (I also love the number pi, but that’s a different story all together), and the best pies in this entire galaxy are made by my Grandma B. In case you have been entirely sheltered your extremely bizarre life and never had pie before, here’s The Captain’s list of all time favorite pies if you’re looking to live a little and eat one sometime. Of course my opinions on this matter are completely biases as all the pies I’ll be referencing are made by my grandma (did I mention she makes the best pies ever?). So without further adieu, here’s Captain Jimmy’s All Time Favorite Pies (not Pis; there’s only one of those).

8. Chocolate Pudding Pie – While I do like chocolate pudding I’m not a huge fan of the egg white foam topping off this delicious pie. Basically that’s the only reason this pie bottoms out at number 8. Saying this pie is my least favorite of the pies though is like saying The Phantom Menace is my least favorite movie of the Star Wars saga. I’m still obsessed; there are just better ones out there.

7. Shoofly Pie – Evidence of my Pennsylvania Dutch heritage, this pie’s wonderful molasses center sticks this pie at the number seven spot. My only aversion to this pie is that my add-on whipped cream topping doesn’t stick to the soft powder-crumb topping. No worries though. A scoop of whipped cream followed by a scoop of pie with my fork never hurt anyone!

6. Lemon Pie – As a child I hated this pie because I thought it tasted like Pledge, you know that cleaning solution stuff. Recently I had a taste of this pie again 15 years later and while it still tasted like Pledge, my taste has apparently changed for some reason to really like the taste of Pledge, oddly enough. The only reason this pie couldn’t clean up anymore than number six is because I’ve only had it once in the last 15 years.

5. Cherry Pie – This sweet, yet sour pie really tests my taste buds. While not quite as American as apple pie this pie might be the next well know type of pie (I’m sure you’ve heard the song Cherry Pie by Warrant). I don’t quite know how both the sweet and the sour tastes can exist at the same time, but it’s definitely the cherry (pie) on the top of my sundae!

4. Pumpkin Pie – Everyone who celebrates Thanksgiving Day, or Christmas probably has the traditional pumpkin pie for desert with their giant meal. What The Brother-In-Law has quickly learned however is that this pie shouldn’t really be treated as a seasonal goodie, but should be eaten during any time of the year. While I have no idea how a pumpkin made up of giant seeds and orange stringy glop can be formed into a fantastic custard that tastes so wonderfully delicious, I could really care less. I don’t know whether it was the Pilgrims or Native Americans that the stories say brought this item to the first Thanksgiving dinner, but I do know that whomever it was, they were one heck of a pie connoisseur.

3. Blueberry Pie – It’s sweet, it’s good, and it’s purple. What’s not to like? If pies could talk trash to other pies I’m pretty sure this one would do its share by saying stuff like, “You taste like smut,” or, “Your momma was a hooker,” or possibly even, “I had sex with your wife!” Its attitude is well justified though as this pie nearly tops the charts at number three.

2. Peach Pie – While this is The Sister’s favorite pie, it falls just short of the obvious number one on my list. In reality, what is there that this pie cannot do? I’m still working on the calculations but somehow I’m going to prove that the Golden Ratio is used in making this pie. I don’t know how, but anything that tastes this good has to have some kind of beautiful mathematics involved. I just know it!

1. Apple Pie – I feel like the movies have really put shame to my big number one pie of all time. This is not a pie that should be screwed around with (literally). Unlike America’s football team, America’s pie definitely soars above its competition (that’s right, I said the Cowboys stink!). The Bible surely left out a verse in Genesis because after God created the universe we have come to know, I guarantee He sat down and had Himself a ginormous piece of apple pie. Then He saw that it was good and thought that His children could only eat something that good in moderation so He made pie pans roughly 9” round. Tasting this pie is truly like tasting the divine (only in a non-cannibalistic way of course).

So there you have it. The Captain’s top 8 pies of all time! If I missed your favorite pie it’s probably not because I didn’t like it but because I never had it. So if you want me to critique your favorite pie, come make it for me. Of course my list left out the infamous pizza pie, but let's face it. Pizza is in a category all in its own.

It's no wonder why America is overweight these days. I just had dinner at Applebees two hours ago and apparently I took in a fantastic 1190 calories and 75.4 grams of fat from my steak entre¹, and an unbelievable whopping 1086 calories and 56 grams of fat from my Sizzling Apple Pie desert²! That my friends is pure insanity! I would have to run for over 1.5 hours straight to work that crap off!! Throw in my two giant Mountain Dews and I have just eaten my entire allotment for the day as that is the typical 2500 calorie diet! And it looks like I'll be working those calories off while I lay in bed tonight. This sort of ruins my Friday Night . . .

¹ Calorie-Count
² Calorie-Count