What are my thoughts on this winter? Quite frankly I’d rather crap out 10 dollars in quarters than experience the likes of this winter. The main reason is because I can measure the amount of snow we’ve gotten so far this year with a soup can. Of course the other reason being I’d have an extra (although quite filthy) 10 dollars in my hand, which I could use to save up for another useless season ski-pass for next winter.

So far this winter we have gotten 3 major ice storms, multiple false alarm forecasts for heavy snow, inches of rain and precisely 2 point [insert profanity of choice here] inches of snow. That creates ski conditions at The Knob (my local ski resort) that attract only the likes of those who enjoy bruises, wipeouts, getting wet, throwing money away, and oh yeah, a really really crappy day of skiing. Of course, I have yet to venture there this season. My season pass which was purchased at the end of last season still awaits my pickup at the winterless wonderland. And quite frankly I do NOT enjoy throwing money away like that when quite frankly for half the price of a season pass I can buy a Wii Fit along with a copy of Shaun White Snowboarding and get my boarding kicks for the rest of my life (On a side note, that game really is quite awesome. If you are as put out with this winter as I am, I encourage your snow-excitement-lacking little self to head on over to your local or online tech company of choice and pick yourself up a copy. You WON’T be disappointed)!

So here’s the deal Weather. Either you bring some real snow my way by the end of the month or so help me I will personally make sure my pet spider monkey leaves you a little surprise on your front door everyday of the year (after all, that is less for me to clean up). So you think about that before leaving winter snow behind in PA altogether.

So I've been reading up on the concept of Leap Year since we are experiencing one this very year and just had our Leap Day a few days ago. Of course we've all been taught in grade school that an Earth year is in reality 365.25 days, which is why every four years we add an extra day to our calendar. That way over time, our seasons don't get all out of whack. And for just about everyone alive and able to read this post right now, that rule will suffice just fine until we die.

However, what we aren't taught (at least I wasn't anyway) is that a standard Earth year is in reality 365.2425 days. Doing the math we can quickly deduce that our little add-a-day-every-4-years trick will truck the world ahead a few days after just a few hundred years, reeking havoc for our grandkids' grandkids' grandkids' whom would no longer be able to experience the Winter solstice on December 21 (assuming of course that the Maya calendar that predicts the end of the world on December 21, 2012 is incorrect). So to prevent this cataclysmic catastrophe the powers-that-be devised a sneaky little way to make that work. It gets a little complicated so try to keep up.

We in fact do not simply add a day every four years. Instead the logic goes a little something like this. If the year is evenly divisible by 400, then there will be a Leap Day that year. For example, 1600, 2000, 2400, 2800 are all years that have a Leap Day. If however the year is evenly divisible by 100, but NOT evenly divisible by 400, then there will be no Leap Day. Par exemple, 1800, 1900, 2100, and 2200 are all years that have NO Leap Day. Finally if the year is evenly divisible by 4, but is NOT evenly divisible by 100 UNLESS it is evenly divisible by 400, then there will be a Leap Day. Just like this year, or 2012, or 1980 or 1600. Here is how the math all works out. 365 days a year, plus one day out of every four years, minus one day out of every 100 years, plus one day out of every 400 years. 365 + 1/4 - 1/100 + 1/400 = 365.2425 days a year. Pretty clever considering I would just increase the time of a second by a fraction amount so that a year would be exactly 365 days. This however would eventually result in a completely night time, 12 o' clock "high" noon. Resulting in further changes by me in minutes, hours and days.

But like I said, unless I plan on living until I'm 120 (which I am not unless I look like I do now my entire life) a Leap Day every four years for my entire life should do fine. If we really want to get technical, a year is actually 365.242374 days long anyway, and increasing. Luckily the unpredictability of that increase should be close enought to keep on track with the above algorithm for millennia to come.

Another January, another stretch of ridiculously warm temperatures. I'm starting to get tired of people claiming, "This is warmest January they remember!" Guess what? It was the same temperature last year, and the year before that and possibly even the year before that. Every year in January I get royally jacked because the weather is too warm for me to go snowboarding. This typically wouldn't bother me if I didn't buy a season pass for the current year at the end of the previous year. It's hard to drag yourself up to the mountain when there are 3 slopes open and the temperature is 66 degrees. But I might as well get used to it. I'm convinced that the days of large snows in Pennsylvania are over. With the increased rate of melting ice in the polar ice caps in addition to more and more man-made pollutants being released into the atmosphere, It's my belief that PA will eventually become an ideal temperature zone, sort of like San Diego, at least in the winter anyway. It'll still have hot summers, but even those seem to be on the decline. Overall I doubt too many people that aren't two-plankers or knuckle-draggers would mind the steady migration to a more temperate climate, but for the balance to remain, there needs to be other places that are more severely affected by global warming. Perhaps colder, crop destroying winters in the south, or maybe excruciating, life threatening heat near the equator. In my own opinion, I'd prefer to stick with the weather patterns of yesteryear where PA winters were cold and snowy, and the Earth functioned properly.

It's that time of year again. The time when waves of new, unseen and ridiculously awful horror flix skip the big screen and head right to DVD and Blu-ray. The time when the air starts to get a little colder, then a little warmer, then a little colder, then crazy hot! The time when the entire outdoors smells like that time your college toilet backed up for three days. The time when bad Christmas movie previews start making their way to prime time. Yep, you guessed it, it's Autumn once again, or Fall as some people may have you believe. So what is there to do this time of year? Not too much, but I'm sure if we brainstorm long enough, we can come up with something.

How about watching butt loads of TV? Why not check out the new Fall lineup? I might recommend new episodes of The Office, House, and even the new sitcom The Big Bang Theory. Shows to avoid: Life, and really anything that comes on ABC. If the temperature ever gets colder outside you could go out and play some football with your friends. I'd recommend playing in the rain and mud (especially if you can get some chicks to play). Why not go for a drive, check out the changing leaves, however you might want to avoid all those construction zones. Don't confuse the orange road work signs for oak tree canopies though. Hey how about checking out some Homecoming dances? Can't find your own? Nothing like crashing one with a buddy, or chaperoning a high school one. Might I suggest avoiding the wall of stank leading to the teenage dance floor. Finally how about checking out the latest in clothing and personal apparel and gear. That's shopping for those of you that don't understand the words that I type. While I don't condone such behavior, if you're looking for a break from your way-to-clingy girlfriend, it can be a great suggestion. Need more ideas? Here's a final idea. Think for yourself and go have some fun you sexy trunk monkeys!