Since I'm on the topic of TV shows, what the flip happened to quality cartoons? Huh? Shoot I remember growing up spending I don't know how many hours watching cartoon greats like the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Ducktales (awoo ooh), Thundercats (ho!), The Smurfs, and heck there might have even been the occasional My Little Pony or Care Bears in there as well. Once I got a little older I graduated to the original Nicktoons with classics like Doug, Rugrats, Rocko's Modern Life and sadly even the disgusting Ren and Stimpy. I mean honestly can Bugs Bunny and friends even be found on any TV station at any time of the day? Nowadays we have junk (oh yes I said junk) like SpongeBob SquarePants, My Life as a Teenage Robot, Yu-Gi-Oh, and whatever the heck the name of the cartoon is that put Boston in a giant state of Level Orange bomb threat.

I remember my Saturday mornings as a young buck started off with Loony Tunes, then Muppet Babies followed immediately by the non-cartoon-but-funny-as-all-get-out PeeWee's Playhouse. Once TMNT hit the airwaves I was hooked. All thru the three different versions. The first was nice and cute, the second had a little more violence in it and the third had super-mutants ninja turtles and down right scary villains in it. That was it then for me. Coming home from school usually consisted of watching Tiny Toons, Animaniacs, Darkwing Duck, and/or Count Duckula. Evenings were made up of Doug, Rugrats and maybe a rerun of Inspector Gadget or Heathcliff. Or perhaps that was before school too. Eh I don't really remember when I watched them, just that I did. Want the full rundown of every cartoon series I can ever remember watching? Read on my Memory Lane travelers (preferably to the tune of We Didn't Start the Fire).

Alvin and the Chipmunks, Thundercats, The Smurfs, The Snorks, Loony Tunes, Inspector Gadget, Silverhawk, My Little Pony, Care Bears, Heathcliff, Muppet Babies, Transformers, Doug, Rugrats, The Ren and Stimpy Show, Rocko's Modern Life, Aaahh!! Real Monsters, Tiny Toons, Animaniacs, Ducktales, Darkwing Duck, Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers, Talespin, The World of David the Gnome, The Flinstones, The Jetsons, The Super Mario Bros Super Show, Super Mario World, Sonic the Hedgehog, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Voltron, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, She-Ra: Princess of Power, Ghostbusters, Dennis the Menace, Gummi Bears, Jem and the Holograms, Tom and Jerry, The Simpsons, Scooby Doo, Rocky and Bullwinkle, The Wuzzles, Woody Woodpecker, and Yogi Bear.

If I missed any, please let me know (of course you wouldn't actually know what I watched when I was younger so how about just letting me know of the cartoons you watched as a kid [unless of course you are a kid now then I don't want to hear them because like I said, cartoon these days stink {except maybe The Simpsons but even that show isn't what it used to be}!]).

Have you seen the new Fox TV show On The Lot? Of course you haven't. Because it stinks. Shoot I haven't even watched more than 5 minutes of it and I know it stinks. So what do you do when you create a reality TV show that has, what, like 20 players, er I'm sorry, "directors" and doesn't have a single viewer? Do you finish out the season and go down with the ship? Or do you pull the plug and hope nobody even knew the show existed at all except for the few like Justin King who would then complain to me all camp long about how that was the best show ever and Fox should have never canceled it mid-season. Even the fact that Carrie Fisher is a judge doesn't even score points with me. Wow, how old is she now? 100? 150? No, she only looks that old.

This reality TV craze is just ridiculous. Sure we thought it was out of control a couple years ago, but now reality TV is literally (and I'm using that word properly here) all that is new for the local TV lineup right now. Everything from dancing to modeling, to making movies, to being 30 and dating a 20 year old versus a 40 year old. Yeah that's a tough choice. Of course there is cooking, and more dating and even band playing. I can't take it anymore and neither can the rest of this country. Reality is no more. The country has spoken, and they want more of The Office and Jenna Fischer. Ooh did you see Halpert's going to be in a new movie coming up (not playing Jim of course)? So is Michael Scott but that's a given funny.

It's no secret, I'm a Google fanatic! I love Google, not only because it is the second largest number named by man (ten to the hundredth power, trumped only by the mind-numbing, ultra perplexing, google-plex, or 10 to the googleth power [that's a 10 with a google zeros by the way]), but because the company makes fantastic web applications. Google has quite the monopoly right now on the Internet. Snatching up other sites such as YouTube for nothing less than 2 billion dollars. All this from a website that started as a simple search engine only to explode into the mammoth Internet hierarchy it is today thanks to a few patented search algorithms that not only returned what you were looking for, but advertisements as well. Google is now capable of doing just about all your normal computer needs. Anything from from writing text documents to, email, the handling your photo album. All with the mighty backbone of the Google Search Engine that seems to only get better. Anywho , I'm rambling on here, but the purpose of this entry is to fill you in on some of my favorite Google applications. So without further adieu, here's:

Captain Jimmy's Top Five Flippin' Favorite Google Web Apps!

5. Gmail - If you've been living anywhere near the planet Earth and the Internet the past few years you should have heard of Google's wonderful email application. I jumped on this bandwagon way back when, in its first year of beta testing, (allowing me to get one kick-a** email address). The major bummer here is that it is still in beta testing and you need a referral to sign up (call me, I'll let you in). What I really like about the thing is how it keeps all your email conversations as one email. No longer will you see countless emails with the same subject to the same person over and over. It all automatically is kept organized as one expandable email. How brilliant of an idea was that?! More brilliant that my readers' that's for sure (unless of course they work for Google and created that concept but I doubt they would be reading this blog).

4. Blogger - Duh. You're looking at the thing right now. Allowing you to edit any part of the HTML template (which I love to do because I'm a giant nerd), Blogger takes the cake in my book when it comes to blogs (or web logs for you Internet lingo impaired). The site autosaves your entries when you're writing them and even lets you add labels. Xanga seems like it's specialized for friends to chat and give props (an incredibly stupid and thick concept if you ask me) and any other site just isn't that well known. The name is easy to remember: Blogger. Rhymes with Frogger, which ironically might just be one of the most inspirational video games ever. Coincidence? I think NOT!

3. Docs & Spreadsheets - Mwaa haa haa! Death to Microsoft is what this app says. Throw your crappy Word and Excel packages out the Window (pun intended [idiot Microsoft makes the Windows operating system!]). Sure Docs & Spreadsheets may not be as powerful, or able to read your previous Word and Excel docs, but what this app lacks in features (that the common user never uses anyway) it makes up for in usability. You save to the web so no matter where you go, there's your stuff. No CD, thumb drive, or any other storage device necessary to carry around. Autosaves every 30 seconds or so and lets you share with friends. Is your mouth watering too? I only wish it would let Firefox override its own spell checker.

2. Google Calendar - You can flush Outlook down the pooper! Especially since you trashed its email functionality when you signed up for Gmail. Google Calendars not only makes it easy to have countless calendars at your fingertips, but also lets you so very easily share your calendars with others, something quite foreign to Outlook users (the easy part is what's foreign). A nice little bonus is the automatic text message reminder that it can send to your mobile before your event. And the best part is you can search and display calendars for anything! Mine shows me my personal schedule, birthdays, phases of the moon, national holidays, the AVP Tour schedule and even times and descriptions of new episodes of The Office. If this mother trucker doesn't make you wet your pants, then perhaps you should have a few beers!

1. Picasa - Forget Flickr, Yahoo Photos, Facebook, and the beta Riya that should have taken off, but became stupid Like.com instead. Picasa is, in The Captain's genius opinion, the best photo management site out there. There's a nice little desktop app that makes managing and uploading photos a snap. They may only give you 1 GB (and counting!) of photo space, but they let you reduce your photos resolution to fit more photos on your site. You can pay if you'd like more space, but if you're like me and like free and to keep those hi-res photos all to your greedy little self then 1 GB will do you for a very long time. Tag photos, write witty captions, heck you can even create Flash-like slideshows to stick on your MySpace page. Share, organize photos anyway you want, even order prints. My favorite part: you can post your camera's video clips as well. Stick that up Flickr's pipe and smoke it!

Of course Google has a crap load more that The Captain's top 5. Stuff as great as Google Earth, YouTube, iGoogle, Google Notepad, the list goes on. Check out Google Labs to see and test what's in the works. The best part is if you sign up for one service, you've signed up for all of them. It's like the universal user ID that you've always wanted but never made love to. I'm telling you now, the day Google makes GoogleOS is the day that Microsoft will lose its nasty little grip on the PC realm. If you want the mecca Internet experience then Google is the way to go. There may not be any greater Internet experience. Except maybe for my online banking. Did you know I can see a picture of any check I write?! Any check at all!

With the spring television season quickly coming to an end right now, I figured I'd let you all in on the TV shows that I currently watch so you can all be prepared to chat with me about them come the Fall. So in case you haven't gotten enough yet, here comes another:

Captain Jimmy's All Star TV Lineup.

How I Met Your Mother - An amazingly hilarious sitcom that contains one key character, Neil Patrick Harris, aka Doogie Howser. That's right my friends, that lovable little teenage M.D. is back again, only this time he "suited up" to be one bad a**, hellava wingman guy named Barney (yes like the purple dinosaur). Barney has the world at his finger tips and isn't afraid to do anything. Whether it's Foxy Boxing or a Cigar at the lounge, he'll be there for his friends. Of course Ted, Robin, Marshal and Lily also provide some pretty random comedy as well. Whether the entire cast will be back for next season could still be up for debate.

American Idol - I know, it's no secret I watch this pop series (I know what you're thinking, The Captain is NOT a loser!). But what can I say? When you have finalists like Blake, Jordan, and Melinda, there really is no excuse to miss the final few remaining episodes. Besides, Simon throws enough insults to fill a freight train in each episode!

House - Immediately following American Idol you'll find House M.D. House has it all! You want drama, you've got it. You want disgusting medical stuff, you've got it. You want a doctor souped up on Vicodin that doesn't give a rat's behind about the patient but only the puzzle of curing his or her disease and takes tremendous pride in putting down the entire staff that works for him (and he works for) all the while trying to hit on every chick in site, well guess what, you've got it. Just like any other Medical Center in the US! If you don't like British actors who play cocky Americans with a limp and flaming walking canes, then this is not the show for you. I also watch because Cameron in flippin' hot! The question of the season: will Foreman actually resign? My money is on, HELL NO!

The Office - Wow, if the fact that I own both seasons 1 and 2 on DVD and my iPod is no clue as to how much I'm in love with this show, then perhaps you have a concussion or you're an idiot. I think what makes this show extra funny is the fact that I work in an office environment with cubicles all over and "interesting" co-workers. If there was ever a co-worker like Dwight Shrute at The Workplace, I would never leave. Some favorite moments of this season were Michael outing Oscar, Andy going to anger management, "Big Tuna," a fax from the future from Future Dwight, Jim impersonating Dwight ("False! Black Bear!"), and a beach trip to the 8th largest lake, Lake Scranton. As long as Pam and Jim never get together, the show should last for seasons to come (I know you're rooting against me on this statement but let's look at all the great shows that declined shortly after the main character hookup: Lois and Clark, Ed, Friends, heck even the X-Files for it lost Mulder after he finally got it on with Scully).

Scrubs - I hate to see this series come to end, but when you have a prime time show that never makes it to HD, you know it isn't going to last much longer. I must admit, the humor is quite bizarre, but frankly, that's what's so funny about the show. From bizarre sexual day dreams, to a whacked out janitor, to insane speeches that ramble on meaninglessly for minutes on end, to some bizarre man-love relationship between JD and Turk, this show only provides me with a half hour of pure funny. JD right now is in quite the predicament, but frankly what else would you expect from a guy that passes out when he poos naked in his neighbor's house?

Reruns - Of course I'm not just a new show kinda guy. Throughout each day I typically watch The X-Files, Stargate SG-1 and two episodes of Seinfeld. While Spooky Fox Mulder and Major Samantha Carter give me my science fiction fix for the day, I'm sure to always get a laugh with Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine. It should be noted that the Stargate SG-1 series finale is this spring, however since new episodes air Friday evenings, I haven't (legally) seen a new episode in over a year. The show sort of went a little down hill once MacGyver left. I mean seriously, he's MacGyver!

I typically don't write about specific other people (in general) however I'm willing to make an exception in this case. I'll change the names here to protect the innocent though (although if you'd consider any of the people mentioned in this post innocent you must be on drugs or something). So this past weekend there was the annual First Rites beach volleyball tournament in Rehoboth Beach, DE. I came out with a nice 3rd place victory on Saturday and a 1st place win on Sunday. But I'm not really here to talk about that. If you aren't familiar with Rehoboth Beach, well then either you haven't been reading this blog for more than a couple months, or you're not up on your current Delaware beach geography. It's funny. I'll tell someone that I'm going to Rehoboth Beach for the weekend and they usually respond with, "Oh the gay beach?" "Yup that's the one."

Rehoboth Beach is known mostly for its, well its homosexual atmosphere. If you're not into playing for my team, and you're looking for a good time at the beach, Rehoboth is the place to be. Just to make myself clear, I'm not homophobic, nor do I hate these individuals. Just because I don't share their same viewpoint on members of the same sex doesn't mean I don't like them or am afraid of them. So now that we have that cleared, let's move onto my story shall we.

Some friends and I were groovin' at the Frog Pond Saturday night. Now in case you haven't read my post on bars that are named after animals and colors, dated 05.20.2006, then you should check that out first before reading on. We go to the Frog Pond because there is a great band that plays there and the music is pretty much the best around. The fact that chicks are making out with each other all over the place really doesn't inspire me to be there (mostly because they aren't as hot as they should be). So like I was saying, some friends and I were out getting down with our bad selves on the dance floor when suddenly a stranger named Kathy approached my friend Darla. Kathy reached a hand out as if to introduce herself to Darla. For the first couple moments I thought perhaps that these two dancing machines knew one another. Approximately 3.14 seconds after that thought, I realized what was actually going on there.

Now picture 5 friends dancing in a small circle having a good ol' time: loud music, drinks in hand, smiles all around, wild crowd surrounding them. Now picture only those 5 people stop dancing in an instant with super large eyes and mouths wide open while the rest of the club continues to jam. It was a scene right out of some horrible porno made in my buddy Tim's basement.

Finally Darla extended her hand which allowed Kathy to shake Darla's hand for what seemed like minutes on end. Kathy's mouth was going none stop while Darla just held her gaze with eyes the size of golf balls and a jaw dropped half way to the floor. Finally after what seemed like ten minutes (probably only really being less than one Earth minute, unfortunately the mind seemed to wonder while all this was going on mostly to the thought of, "Why is Darla not talking??") Kathy left. There Darla stood, unmoving, like a deer caught in the headlights of an encroaching sports car. Now I don't remember if it was one person or all of us at the same time but I know at least one person said, "Who the heck was that?!!" According to Darla, who may or may not have been actually experiencing some form of disrupted reality at that point in time, the conversation when like this:

Kathy: Hi, my name is Kathy.
Darla: (head slightly nodding) Uh huh . . .
Kathy: I was sitting over there at the bar and thought you looked pretty awesome and hot.
Darla: (head slightly nodding) Uh huh . . .
Kathy: So I just moved here not to long ago from [enter city of choice here] and just got out of a three year, long term relationship. My dad died not to long ago and since then I have been blah blah blah blah blah.
Darla: (head slightly nodding) Uh huh . . .

At that point Kathy finally walked away. Note how there was no introduction from Darla, nor was there an exchange of greetings or farewells. All Darla could muster up was the phrase "Uh huh." I mean seriously here. How much nerve does it take to walk up to some stranger in a club, obviously dancing with a small group of friends, and tell them you think they're hot (and gay for that matter)? A heck of a lot more than I'll ever have. What makes this story even better is the person Darla was dancing next to during all this was her boyfriend. Who, by the way, was just as speechless as the rest of us and said absolutely nothing during the above conversation. Now Darla claims to have been giving him the I-need-help-now-idiot eyes, but I can assure you that wasn't the case. And frankly when you're witnessing a train wreck, there really isn't anything to say to anyone at that time.

But I think the best part of the night, may have been the car ride back to the house. During the walk to the car all we did was recap and laugh at the incident. Then, after about 2.72 minutes in the car Erin buzzingly blurted out, "I'm sort of jealous! Honestly why didn't some chick hit on me? What do I need to be wearing some kind of color or something?"

Unless you're living in 1987, which I know approximate 32% of The Cove is, you've probably seen the commercials that pit Mac (i.e., Warren P. Cheswick from Ed) up against PC (i.e., some stocky quirky fellow). I, being a computer engineer and all, find these commercials to be highly amusing. In case you didn't know, I'm a PC junkie. I don't care much for Macs. I'm not saying Macs aren't good, I personally would just never buy one. I find the commercials amusing because usually the concepts Mac likes to brag about aren't entirely true. Take for instance the commercial I just saw tonight. PC is spinning a big wheel with the six different versions of the new Microsoft Windows Vista OS to determine which OS he should acquire. Mac implies that his OS already has everything one needs so there is no reason to have to choose, nor is there an option to choose. While, yes, Vista comes in many flavors depending on what you do with your PC, I can guarantee Mac OS is not going to have everything you need (unless of course you want exactly what they have which could still be the case with your selected version of Vista). The second commercial I enjoy is an older one. It's the one where Mac and PC are talking about the latest digital cameras. Mac states that all one has to do is plug it in, and boom it works. PC says that might not be the case with him. The facts here are as follows: 1) Pretty much all digital cameras you can plug into a computer are USB and simply appear as a new hard drive. No software needed unless you're using a Windows OS from the 90's (or the dreaded ME in which case, if you are still using, you should be shot). 2) If the camera uses some kind of brand new technology, newer than the OS, you're going to have to install new drivers whether your computer is a fruit or not. 3) If you dropped a lot of cash on your camera it probably uses Firewire instead of USB which is normally not standard on a PC (which is probably what Mac is exactly referring to hear), however this concept falls thru the floor if #2 is true.

My other favorite is when Mac wants to show PC his latest art project and all PC wants to do is calculate how much time they just wasted. I have no argument for it, I just find it entirely humorous! My main point throughout this entire post though is this. Who exactly is Apple marketing to here? Not my dad. He doesn't understand any of the Get A Mac commercials. And when I start to explain them to him he tunes (pun intended [iTunes you idiot, it's made by Apple]) me out. Those are the kind of people that Mac should be targeting. People that what something simple and straightforward. People that aren't interested in upgrading hard drives and processors and video cards. People that don't want to play kick a** games or download music illegally. Macs are for people that want to easily edit their home movies or pictures, easily listen to and download/edit music, or surf the net in a very simple, one button mouse fashion. My guess is only 25% of people understand the Get A Mac commercials and 90% of those people are actually PC junkies like me.

The world doesn't understand computers my friend. The world doesn't seem to want to understand computers. People just want them to do what they want them to do. The question you just need to ask yourself is what is it you actually want it to do? I want mine to lecture me on flower pedals and the 1950 Jaguar Roadster. I would also like it to give me a neck massage from time to time, but sometimes that's asking just a little too much apparently.

Let's be honest here. Those 272 friends you have there on your MySpace; how many of those people would you really consider to be "friends?" Not to insult those people on my MySpace friends list, but frankly not all of them I would consider true "friends." Some of them I've never even met before except online thru MySpace. Others I went to high school or college with and haven't seen since while others I met once at a wedding, or a group gathering, or may even be the friend or spouse of a friend. Now at the time of this post I have a mere 67 friends on my Myspace. I have even less on Facebook with a staggering 38 of which only one have I never met before (so consider yourself a decent, person-worthy-of-knowing if you can be found on either site).

So who are these people you're making friends with when that number is over 100, or 500 for that matter!? I don't even think I could name 500 people that I know! And the 50% of people that I do know probably don't even know how to find MySpace.com on the internet (sad I know) let alone spell it. So what are you really gaining by having 314 friends? Are your Friday nights better now that you "know" more people? Probably not because you're spending it and the rest of the weekend leaving comments and messages for all the people you've never even met! Why? Why would you ever do that? Is it in the hope that one day you will meet these people (half of which probably aren't even using their own picture [oh yeah, how can you miss those perky little breasts the girls like to flaunt])? You Facebookers go crazy over befriending every single person that went to your school! You don't even know most of them! Why?! Why are 12 year-olds wanting to create MySpace accounts? Call your friends on the phone, go play outside, do something other than stalk your other friends!! You're not old enough yet to not like people to the point of obsessive hate-stalking (usually that doesn't start until after college).

So the next time random Jane Doe friends (I can't believe that's used as a verb now [sort of like Google, but I refuse to use that as a verb, I still "search"]) you, think twice before accepting. I mean if you're truly interested in this person, by all means, use the internet's potential to the fullest, but if it's just so you can brag to your friends (real or virtual) about your new record high 997 friends, then honestly I think you may need to find something more constructive to do with your time. How about spelunking?

Can you say, "The Summit Wallyball Tournament Champions?" Okay so it was the B division (not quite A, but definitely not C), but I mean seriously do you see the size of that trophy?! The last trophy I won was back in little league baseball. It was the only other trophy I ever won and it was no bigger than a slice of pizza. Grant it we only got one big trophy for this win, so we decided we'd just take it on tour sort of like Lord Stanley's Cup.

On a different, yet slightly related note, I met the one and only Stan Sheetz last night at the wallyball after party. For those of you not from the great state of Central PA, he's the President (though not CEO) of Sheetz Inc., one of, if not the, greatest gas station/convenient store chain in the history of the world (thanks to the MTO). Yeah I shook his hand and asked him how he was doing. Some people dream of meeting famous people like Michael Jordan, or Will Smith, or even Gandhi, but not me. Oh no; I dream bigger! Sheetz baby!

I don't understand why people on this mass we call a planet do the things that they do. If anyone could help me out with some answers here I'd greatly appreciate it!

• I don't understand why school buses stop on the train tracks and open their doors. Just about all train crossings these days have red flashing lights and drop gates if a train is coming. And if indeed the buses are stopping for safety, wouldn't it be more safe to get the bus the heck across the tracks just in case a train is coming instead of slowing, stopping, then continuing on?


• I don't understand why nurses and doctors continue to smoke. Grant it I don't know why anyone does it really, but these groups of people know more than anyone else what smoking can do to the human body.


• I don't understand why some pregnant women think that showing off their bare, full bodied stomachs, with a belly shirt is sexy or even remotely attractive. Yes I can see you're pregnant thru your clothing and frankly I think if any person finds a gigantic protruding navel even remotely close to being sexy, they need help.


• I don't understand why we have 4-way stop signed intersections. Why not just have two stops, and two yields, or a combination of stop-except-right-turns? On the same topic I don't understand why there are one lane bridges that tell both directions of traffic to yield to oncoming traffic?


• I don't understand why people should even have a choice of turning on or off their headlights while driving. What's so wrong with forcing the lights on when you put the car in drive?


• I don't understand why it's "so hard" to develop an online, internet voting application. You log on, supply your voting verification code (SSN or other unique number that only you should know) and cast your vote with the click of a mouse. Instant voting, instant results. And don't give me that security crap! Today, all I'd need around here to cast a presidential vote is someone's drivers license. And I bet I wouldn't even need that!


• I don't understand why we as an entire people refuse to rise up and help our fellow brothers or sisters when all we'd have to do is just give the slightest amount of money, or the smallest ounce of food, or the lightest article of clothing, or most importantly, the tiniest bit of time.


• I don't understand why there aren't more people that think up these same stupid questions that are in some kind of position to change things. Sort of makes you wonder what kind of people we have that are actually making this world operate the way it does.

4 doze of u dat tnk dat 0 gud cUd cum frm d Cove, gaze yr Xquisit Iyz upon dis. f ur 2 laZ 2 read d blasted RTcL, basicaly it sums ^ dat d 1st evr nat txt msgN chmpN isa teen frm Claysburg,PA. u read correctly; we nw av comps 2C hu cn tx d fastst. 13 y/o Morgan Pozgar of Claysburg, PA practiced 4t championship by txtN her bff mor thN 8k tmes a mth. Sure she may av ndless txt msgN on her ph, bt I hope her bffs cn rx em 4 fre. mayB she wl share sme of her 25k $ winnings. IDK bout u bt I tnk we may av got a lil %-) hre. btw, Morgan trns ot 2B d bff of d dautA of a fellow co wrkR. hu knw?

[Translated]
For those of you that think that nothing good could come from The Cove, gaze your exquisite eyes upon this. If you're too lazy to read the blasted article, basically it sums up that the first ever national text messaging champion is a teenager from Claysburg, PA; You read correctly, we now have competitions to see who can text message the fastest. Thirteen year old Morgan Pozgar of Claysburg, PA practiced for the championship by texting her friends more than 8000 times a month. Sure she may have unlimited text messaging on her phone, but I hope her friends can receive them for free. Maybe she will share some of her $25000 winnings. I don't know about you, but I think we may have got a little crazy here. By the way, Morgan turns out to be the best friend of the daughter of a fellow co worker. Who knew?

**Note: Claysburg may not technically be in The Cove, but if The Cove were a Papa John's pizza, then Claysburg would be the cup of garlic butter on the side.**

Okay, so I've been viewing HDTV (hi-definition television for those of you that are acronym impaired) for the past few weeks now. And frankly I have come to the following conclusion: If you don't have it, don't get it because once you do you'll never want to watch regular TV again! It's like hi speed internet. Once you get it, there is no possible way you'd go back to using a telephony modem ever again. Sure it's crap loads cheaper, but frankly it just doesn't cut it anymore. I get about ten station in HD right now with my cable plan. I'm hoping that number will increase as time goes on. I get the important channels though; all my local stations, as well as ESPNHD (love the sports!), DiscoveryHD (Planet Earth in HD rocks my flippin' world!) and two movie channels, StarzHD and HBOHD (Nicole Kidman never looked so good!). Of course I have a few miscellaneous others like TNTHD that seems to only play episodes of Charmed and Miss Congeniality (just like regular TNT) and TOCHD (The Outdoor Channel for all of you that have most likely never heard of it before) where you can see that crazy hunter guy shoor black bear in the wild with a bow.

The beauty of the HD picture though is its clarity and color. I can see the pores on people's faces for crying out loud! Sure it may not be as attractive to see the extra forehead wrinkles or the small spot of poorly applied makeup, but it is pretty darn impressive. Why would I want to watch something in a 4:3 format when I can get 33% more picture at 16:9? In other words why watch puny square when I can get beefy rectangle [grunt grunt]? In reality there is no downside to actually watching HD picture. Heck even golf is less boring to watch because you can awe about the scenery when you start to hemorrhage from boredom of the actual sport. The thing that stinks about HD is that you'll wish all your channels were in HD and you'll be quite disappointed when you tune to the Sci Fi channel only to see Samantha Carter and Dania Scully in pitiful 480i resolution with black sidebars. In the meantime Donald Trump is living it up in glorious 1080i just so I can see in more detail, how ridiculously bad his toupee is. It's not really fair, but then Pam Beesly sort of makes it balance out I suppose.

Poem #61: Starry Night

Sometimes when it's late at night
I go outside where there's no light
To gaze upon the stars up high
And slowly watch as they creep by.

I then think back, light years away
To when that star was just a babe.
And wonder just where I could be
And think that star is part of me.

From dust to dust the bible states.
What makes up me has come from space.
And then someday when I am gone,
My body will become part of the dawn.

And more of me will drift away
Back up to space where I will stay
And may become part of a sun,
A sun whose life has just begun.

So late at night when I look up high
I see myself up in the sky.
Of course it's just my body's home
Whose final stop will be unknown.

-- James Barley

In case you were curious I wrote this back in college for my poetry class. It was my favorite one. I don't think too many of my fellow Christian students appreciated the viewpoint, but then again I guess I'm not really your stereotypical Christian now am I?

It's the end of an era. We all come to them. Call them whatever you want. End of an era, the next chapter, a new path, they're all the same. Yet your end is so much more final than mine right now. It's all new for you now. But I know you'll prevail. That's all you've ever done is prevail, that's obvious. So much now comes to its finale, but there is so much that will begin anew. Who knows what's in store for each of us. Life can never stay constant. It never will stay constant. Those that expect such things are ill-considered. But sometimes it sure would be nice if it did. But you're a dreamer and your aspirations have now taken you into uncharted waters. And while it may be scary and stressful, you're not alone. The world is filled with people like you! People starting new chapters, ending old eras. We'd never grow as people if that weren't the case. And it's my guess that soon I'll be in the same boat, that's just the way Life goes. So don't ever look back. Don't ever lose hope. Don't ever give up on your dreams. Ever!

In case you have been out of the bar/club scene for a while, here's your chance to get clued in to the Do's and Don'ts of today's music hoppin', alcohol consumin', chick sweatin', smoke fumigatin', drug dopin', glass droppin', dance crazin' club scene. Keep in mind that my experience has been solely influenced by the city of Altoona, PA. In other words your bars and clubs are probably not as trashy and hole-in-the-wall-ish as the ones I frequent, but I'm sure these little helpers hold true to just about anywhere.

• Do make sure you have your ID ready at the door. Especially if you don't attend the club every Friday and Saturday, or if you don't have a pretty face or big boobs or if the bouncer is a complete idiot and doesn't remember you when you show up every Friday and Saturday.
• Don't complain to your friends at your table when you are NOT carded because you’re 30. Quite frankly all your friends will do is laugh at you because you’re old.
• Do make sure you hold on to your drinks tight when you’re going at it like Ricky Martin on the dance floor, especially if you’re sweating.
• Don't try and pick up your broken glass or bottle that you just dropped with all the other Ricky Martins going at it like Jim Carry with a frog down his pants. This may cause severe painless bleeding that won’t be perceived until you have a giant blood stain on your pants or your foot is wet and red.
• Don't make a face or comment if you’re a waitress and your customer is drinking a Pepsi instead of a beer. I’m sorry for upsetting you when I’m trying to be responsible. Clearly, what am I thinking?
• Do make sure you still tip your waitress after they throw a snide comment your way because you’re not drinking beer. This ensures that the flow of Pepsi will continue to be regenerated in your direction.
• Do make sure you wear underwear under your extremely high-cut mini skirt, especially if you plan on dancing. This ensures that, even though you’re slutty and high as a kite, you don’t end up showing off your privates to half the dance stage.
• Don't be hypocritical when it comes to whom you dance with. If you’re willing to dance with anything that has two legs but then as soon as no-underwear chick shows you her real hair color you get appalled, you can't leave her and go over to your friends and say, “Wow that’s just nasty!”
• Do be friendly with the band especially if they come to talk to you or if they ask you to sing into the mic while you’re on the dance floor.
• Don't yell requests at the top of your lungs in between songs from your table, especially when the songs you’re requesting are complete crap and no one wants to hear them, not even you.
• Do make sure to do some people watching and keep a smile on your face at all times. It will make you very approachable which is good if that's the kind of thing you're after.
• Don't be the creepy lone staring person that stands on the edge of the dance floor with their drink in hand, arms crossed just watching the whole night long as if pondering which person they are going to grab, abuse and then throw in the trunk of their car, or more likely the bed of their beat up pick-up.

So remember, the club scene can be a fun time. If you abide by these Do's and Don'ts you should never have a problem enjoying yourself. Now of course there will be memories you wish you didn't have from that evening, but then again, when are you not out with friends where you don't come away with wanting to not remember something? Oh yeah, the final Do: Do make sure you're with good friends and not ones that ditch you for the band, no matter how trashy and disgusting they may be (the band, not your friends, although I guess that could work for a friend too, but I doubt you'd be their friend if they were trashy and disgusting).

You've obviously come here for the now annual Easter Weekend Recap. Just like the previous years (2006, 2005), this one did not disappoint. So without further ado, here are my favorite moments of Easter At Grandma's 2007:

• This year's major theme: What edible materials did my grandma have that did NOT expire in 05?
• Schooling my now 7 year old cousin once again in Mario Kart 64. Yes I know, I'm a competitive freak!
• Again being told I was to let her win or she would break my glasses.
• Spreadable Land-O-Lakes butter that looked like soup. Guess what, expired Apr 05 (and was probably present at the last three Easter Dinners).
• Whipped cream that shot out of the can so fast it knocked the strawberries right off my grandma's cake! You guessed it; expired Dec 06.
• The Brother-In-Law and I waiting at least 15 minutes while the rest of the fam picked up my cousin from kiddie church. Funny how there was no one else coming out, the next service was coming in and the excuse of the time delay was, "We just couldn't move back there, there were so many people!"
• My uncles going at it at dinner like their own episode of The Odd Couple. I nearly lost the fruit salad in my mouth.
• The dinner conversation this year going from whores, to inner-racial relationships, to mocking Chinese, Spanish, and Native Americans in a matter of minutes (I do apologize for the disrespect given to all people at the dinner table by my relatives)
• Who is this Joe Jencho and why does he keep coming in to to any and every story ever told at the dinner table?
• My grandma's female dog apparently wanting a relationship with my cousin's leg. But don't worry, it's completely non-sexual . . .
• After drying myself with a towel when getting out of the shower Sunday morning, I had dog hair in my mouth! No place is safe in that house!
• Pick your salad dressing of choice: Ranch Lite, expired Sept 06, Fat Free French, unopened, expired Jan 06, No Carbs Italian, expires May 07.

So yeah once again it was nothing but laughter the whole time. If I ever wend up taking a significant other to this event it could very well be the last family event they ever attend. I'm not exactly sure why The Brother-In-Law continues to come back year after year, but despite the judgments and gossip that gets tossed around like a dead fish at the market, if you just picture yourself as a star in a soap opera it should all really be all right. Who doesn't like Easter Weekend with the fam?

In case you were curious, here are two pictures from the world's most elaborate, and expensive popcorn machine. Built and controlled by your's truly and my co-workers at The Workplace, the popcorn machine models an actual blacktop batch plant. It's controlled by custom written software (written in VB6 thanks to me and Ashley) running on a laptop and an Opto22 B3000 SNAP rack and modules. For you non-technical people, that reads gobblie gooblie ploppie ploo. Check out the pics!

This ain't no April Fools joke, but if you're ever in Gettysburg, PA looking to transport a giant 15 foot stalk of bamboo and root, get something larger than a van.

Like Chappie says, "The state will pull you over and give you a ticket for not wearing your seatbelt, but they won't do a thing when you have a giant marijuana plant obstructing your view."

I think it's safe to say that we all have free will. That's what I believe anyway. I hate thinking that I'm not in control of the choices I make. I mean really, what's the point of living if everything has already been determined? Predestination just doesn't do it for me. We're given free will for a reason.

I think of Life this way. When we're born, we pretty much have one path to walk, er crawl. We can't make decisions yet on our own so we just go with whatever Mom and Dad decide. Then as we get older we acquire the gift of choice. We have the ability to determine how our lives will play out. The more we live, the more our Life path forks and splits and veers and at time's we'll want to just get off and other times we'll want to go back and walk the same path again! Every path we take, has purpose. Every path we take has direction. Higher-ups show us our options and say, "All right, go to it kid!" Then it's up to us. What's amazing is that The Man With The Plan is not concerned about our choices. He has set it up in such a way that no matter what path we chose, we will make a difference on this planet (if that is out desire). Sometimes our own paths will cross and we'll wend up in the same place even if we had chosen a different route. Sometimes we'll end up in no man's land with what initially seems like no way out. In the end though, all paths lead to the same destination, unless of course we give up and take the easy path to nowhere. So we start out on a single path and end on a single path, but in between that there is a huge web of trails to take! In the end, it's up to us to chose. We have been given that freedom. We can ask for help and guidance and then just sit around all day long for a response, but sometimes, I think, our choice doesn't matter, there is no guidance. Sometimes we fail to see it, but this annoyance, this difficult wall we come across time after time, this choice we have; it's a luxury, because in our walk of Life, all roads ultimately lead to the same end. A luxury that at times definitely seems like a huge dilemma.

So what do you do when you're in that situation? Yogi Berra (the baseball player, not yogi bear, the picnic basket stealing cartoon bear) said, "When you come to a fork in the road, take it." That's exactly right. Make a choice and have faith that it's the right one. If you do what you think is good and right, you'll be taken care of. No matter what you chose you'll have suffering no doubt, but you'll also have times of great joy and happiness. Difference decisions, different time lines, different lifestyles. Same result! It's amazing isn't it? Nothing about our lives here on this planet is simple, yet at the same time nothing about them is complex.

The best advice I can give when needing to make a choice is to just pick something that you will be at peace about. If you're going to be concerned about whether or not you chose the right way, choose another. No matter what your choice, it will be fantastic. And it will be scary. Probably very scary. But like I said before, you'll never be alone. Ever.

"Get busy living or get busy dying. That's goddamn right" - Ellis Boyd 'Red' Redding (Shawshank Redemption [1994])

I mean did you watch American Idol last night? Sweet fancy moses! So check it out dawg. This is my third season of being an avid viewer of the show. The last two seasons I've been pretty impressed with the contestants. This season, not so much really. I mean yeah there are about four or five I think are really good, but the rest just aren't going to cut it. Now I'm sure this next guy has probably gotten a lot of slack from the blogging community, but he's about to get a little more. This Senjia kid. Frankly the boy creeps me the heck out! He's like a cross between Michael Jackson and Prince, but without the singing and dancing skills. And lets face it, without their dancing and singing skills those two artists are only left with creepy. Last night's rendition of You Really Got Me originally by The Kinks made me want to get up from my seat and lock all the doors in my house! And did you see that 10 year old girl balling her eyes out? She must have went thru some kind of drama before the show because really there is no one there to cry like that over! Especially Creepy MJ/Prince Boy. Was she crying because she was extremely happy or extremely traumatized? I don't know, I don't understand it. Right now my two favorite picks are Blake Lewis - The Human Beatbox and Melinda Doolittle, the humble backup singer from Tennessee. My next two favs are the rocker Gina Glocksen and white fro boy Chris Sligh. Is it just me or do all the contestants seem the have names like rock stars already? Anywho, perhaps if Nicole Kidman or Campbell Brown was in the competition, I might have had something to cry over.

In celebration of Pi Day (which ironically enough falls on Einstein's birthday), I figured I'd tell you my top 10 reasons for being obsessed with the number pi. If you were hoping I didn't know it was Pi Day today, then think again friends, think again, because it's time for Captain Jimmy's Top 10 Reasons for Being Obsessed with Π!

• In one of my favorite movie trilogies, the Matrix, Neo has exactly 314 seconds to reach the "source" of the Matrix in The Matrix: Reloaded. Coinkie dink? I don't think so.
• Π is a Greek letter and what is not to like about the Greek? They love food, so do I. They love to party, so do I. The ancients loved mathematics, what do you know, so do I!
• I remember this little rhyme from my Calculus class in high school. Cosine, secant, tangent, sine, three point one four one five nine!
• You really can't get any more random than the number π. In fact if you ask me, π is the epitome of randomness as all the numbers from 0 to 9 each appear eerily close to 600,000 times within the first 6 million digits of π.
• I knew a guy in high school that could calculate any equation you threw at him instantly in his mind. He'd approximate π with the square root of 10 in his mental calculations. He also always wore sandals and denim shorts every day to school, even in the snow. And he made up his own language of grunts and odd sounds. This doesn't really make me obsessed with π, I just find it funny.
• Π is an irrational number (and not in the same sense that women are irrational). The fact that π is infinite just boggles my mind. You can't comprehend forever or even half of forever! For a number to just go on and on without repeating is nothing short of spectacular! I'd say the same for e or the square root of 2, but the only downside is those aren't Greek letters.
• Π is also a transcendental number. This generally means that you can't use an algebraic equation to obtain a root value of π. This also means that someday π will be just as confusing as my 10th grade English class.
• Ever hear of the Buffon's Needle problem? Consider this. We have a floor with parallel lines evenly spaced, drawn on it. Because we're insane, we drop an infinite number of needles of known, consistent length on the floor. Provided that the space between the parallel lines is greater than the length of the needle, the probability of having the needle lie across one of the lines after we drop it is, you guessed it, π!
• While you can't eat π, you can certainly eat pie, and as you are now well aware, pie is one of my favorite desserts!
• Π is always π. Even if it isn't called π, the ratio of a circle's circumference to twice it's radius is always, now and forever the same number, 3.14159 blah blah blah. I don't care if you're measuring in inches, miles, kilometers, furlongs, parsecs or what-have-you. Unless your circle exists in warped space-time or a non-euclidean space, this will always hold true no matter what age, planet, galaxy, universe or state of mind!