Tuesday, June 26, 2007

I am really not a fan of diet sodas. In fact I just flat out don't like them. If that's all there is to drink, yeah I'll thrown one back, but heck I'd even do that with cheese and that isn't really saying much at all (just to point out I would never just eat cheese. That's gross. If someone put it on food not knowing [or evening knowing because they are evil] that I didn't eat it, I would eat it). So when I heard about this new Coke Zero thing I thought, "Yeah right, it's going to taste just like all the other low-cal, no-cal soft drinks; like diet."

Finally today, there was nothing in our fridge at The Workplace except for a few cans of this Coke Zero. I figured, "What the hey!" Now my boss has been telling me for months now (maybe even years, it's hard to tell) about how this stuff doesn't taste like diet. I just brush him off when he makes comments like that because he says Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi doesn't taste like diet and it sure as heck does!

So anywho I pop the can and take a swig. Aside from the slightest, and I do mean slightest, aftertaste of something not like regular Coca-Cola, I could not for the life of me tell that this had no calories in it. That's right my friends. No diet taste. Not even a hint! I was simply amazed that such a feat had taken place.

Now if only Pepsi would come out with Pepsi Zero (I know they have Pepsi One, but guess what, it tastes like diet) that tasted like regular Pepsi, I might just drop The Dew. Okay, forget that, that's not happening. Love The Dew!

Friday, June 22, 2007

' I've decided that my typical work day could 
be devised into a single computer application that
would be able to mimic me being at work. For those
of you that can read Visual Basic code, here is the
program for my new android, Jimmy Workday (greatly
simplified of course).
Public Class JimmyWorkday

Private codeLikeAMoFo As New Threading.Thread

Private Sub Work()

' sleep until the alarm goes off
While Not alarmActive
End While

' get a** to work

' do work
alreadyEatenBreakfast = False
alreadyEatenLunch = False
While workToDo And DateTime.Now <= quittingTime

' check emails
For Each email In Outlook.Inbox.Emails
If email.ConstitutesResponse Then
End If
Next email

' answer phone (if necessary)
If Phone.IsRinging Then
For i As Int32 = 0 To knownPhoneNumbers.Count - 1
If knownPhoneNumbers(i).Number = Phone.Number Then
If knownPhoneNumbers(i).ShouldNotIgnor Then
End If
End If
Next i
End If

' get bowl of cereal for breakfast
If DateTime.Now.Equals(breakfastTime) And Not alreadyEatenBreakfast Then
alreadyEatenBreakfast = True
End If

' use the bathroom if gotta go
If natureIsCalling Then
sitAndWaitTimer = 0
While noReleif Or sitAndWaitTimer < TimeSpan.FromMinutes(15)
sitAndWaitTimer += 1
End While
End If

' eat lunch
If DateTime.Now >= lunchTime And Not alreadyEatenLunch Then
alreadyEatenLunch = True
End If

' code like a mo-fo in a mindless state while doing everything else
If codeLikeAMoFo.ThreadState = Threading.ThreadState.Unstarted Then
End If

' take a break every now and then to stay sane
If gettingBored Then
If Not tiredOfSurfingNet And feelingLuckyToNotGetNannied Then
ElseIf Not tiredOfTalkingToPeople Then
End If
End If
End While

' when home from work, exercise and eat
If GoogleCalendar.VolleyballEventExists Then
End If

' watch tv or whatever else
Select Case DateTime.Now.DayOfWeek
Case DayOfWeek.Monday
Case DayOfWeek.Tuesday
Movie.Watch(netflixMovie, neighbor)
Case DayOfWeek.Thursday
Case Else
End Select

' get ready to do it all over again
End Sub

End Class

Monday, June 18, 2007

When you walk into your local Martin's or Giant Eagle grocery store to buy yourself some of those yummy Lays baked potato chips that you love so much, you wouldn't really expect to see an advertisement there in the store telling you to go to nearest Bilo or Piggly Wiggly to get more food selection and at a cheaper price now would you? Of course not. But that is exactly what television cable subscribers are experiencing. Those of you who subscribe to satellite TV may as well tune to the next blog as this doesn't really concern you (mainly because you get CSTV and I don't and I hate you for that!).

But cable users; how many times have you been watching your favorite episode of Swanky the Teenage Fish when a commercial break comes on and the next thing you know Jessica Simpson is dressed in her hoochie gear telling you to check her out in HD 1080i on DirectTV? If you stop and think about it, here's what's going on. You pay money (real money mind you, not that Monopoly stuff you steal from The Bank every time you play) to your cable provider to be able to watch the TV shows you crave, and those you'll never ever see in a million years. In return, your cable provider offers you its services like any good company would. However because television is a medium for advertising, your cable provider also gets money (even more of the real stuff in amounts you'll never see in your lifetime) from other companies wanting to get you to buy their stuff as well. It just so happens that there are other companies out there that want you to buy your TV viewing pleasure from them and not your local cable company. Your cable company has no choice but to let satellite television providers as well as other competing cable companies advertise for their services on your local's commercial space.

When you think about it, it's really absurd that a company would do such a thing. When was the last time you went to fill your tank up with ridiculously expensive gasoline and the Exxon you stopped at kept flashing messages at you to go fill up at BP where the fuel is 10 cents cheaper? HAHAHA! Dream on you deranged petroleum psychopaths!

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Picture this. You're sitting in the train station when a complete stranger sitting next to you lets out a monstrous sneeze throwing spit and snot half a mile through the air like an exploding car bomb. You turn to him with a courteous smile on your face and politely utter, "God bless you." If you were in some other English speaking country you might say, "Gesundheit" to the fellow. If you were in some Spanish speaking country you would state, "Salud." Frankly no matter what part of the world you were in, you would say something to the sneezer to wish him good health. My question is this: WHY!?

Why do we feel the need to say something to someone after he/she sneezes? We don't say anything to someone after they cough. Should we? Am I not being polite by not saying anything to my buddy when he's done hacking up a lung? Although if it were that bad I might ask if he's okay. But I certainly would not wish a blessing upon him or good health. Who ever started that fad for sneezing anyway? The Romans thousands of years ago? The Ancient Greeks perhaps? And why do we continue to do it today? I'm getting ready to start protesting this conception because it makes no sense whatsoever. And to top it off, Americans are too lazy to say the whole "God bless you" phrase so it has been truncated to "Bless you," but most people are still too lazy to even pronounce that properly so it has gotten slurred to "Bleshyou" which isn't even a flippin' word! Why is sneezing so special as to warrant a response from an observer? Think about it next time. Why do you do say anything (if you do)? Is that not one of the most idiotic habits or what? Although I still think it is polite for the sneezer to pardon himself afterwards. Just as he should do after coughing, burping or cutting the cheese. Ewe I hate cheese!