Monday, April 30, 2007

Can you say, "The Summit Wallyball Tournament Champions?" Okay so it was the B division (not quite A, but definitely not C), but I mean seriously do you see the size of that trophy?! The last trophy I won was back in little league baseball. It was the only other trophy I ever won and it was no bigger than a slice of pizza. Grant it we only got one big trophy for this win, so we decided we'd just take it on tour sort of like Lord Stanley's Cup.

On a different, yet slightly related note, I met the one and only Stan Sheetz last night at the wallyball after party. For those of you not from the great state of Central PA, he's the President (though not CEO) of Sheetz Inc., one of, if not the, greatest gas station/convenient store chain in the history of the world (thanks to the MTO). Yeah I shook his hand and asked him how he was doing. Some people dream of meeting famous people like Michael Jordan, or Will Smith, or even Gandhi, but not me. Oh no; I dream bigger! Sheetz baby!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

I don't understand why people on this mass we call a planet do the things that they do. If anyone could help me out with some answers here I'd greatly appreciate it!
  • I don't understand why school buses stop on the train tracks and open their doors. Just about all train crossings these days have red flashing lights and drop gates if a train is coming. And if indeed the buses are stopping for safety, wouldn't it be more safe to get the bus the heck across the tracks just in case a train is coming instead of slowing, stopping, then continuing on?

  • I don't understand why nurses and doctors continue to smoke. Grant it I don't know why anyone does it really, but these groups of people know more than anyone else what smoking can do to the human body.

  • I don't understand why some pregnant women think that showing off their bare, full bodied stomachs, with a belly shirt is sexy or even remotely attractive. Yes I can see you're pregnant thru your clothing and frankly I think if any person finds a gigantic protruding navel even remotely close to being sexy, they need help.

  • I don't understand why we have 4-way stop signed intersections. Why not just have two stops, and two yields, or a combination of stop-except-right-turns? On the same topic I don't understand why there are one lane bridges that tell both directions of traffic to yield to oncoming traffic?

  • I don't understand why people should even have a choice of turning on or off their headlights while driving. What's so wrong with forcing the lights on when you put the car in drive?

  • I don't understand why it's "so hard" to develop an online, internet voting application. You log on, supply your voting verification code (SSN or other unique number that only you should know) and cast your vote with the click of a mouse. Instant voting, instant results. And don't give me that security crap! Today, all I'd need around here to cast a presidential vote is someone's drivers license. And I bet I wouldn't even need that!

  • I don't understand why we as an entire people refuse to rise up and help our fellow brothers or sisters when all we'd have to do is just give the slightest amount of money, or the smallest ounce of food, or the lightest article of clothing, or most importantly, the tiniest bit of time.

  • I don't understand why there aren't more people that think up these same stupid questions that are in some kind of position to change things. Sort of makes you wonder what kind of people we have that are actually making this world operate the way it does.

Monday, April 23, 2007

4 doze of u dat tnk dat 0 gud cUd cum frm d Cove, gaze yr Xquisit Iyz upon dis. f ur 2 laZ 2 read d blasted RTcL, basicaly it sums ^ dat d 1st evr nat txt msgN chmpN isa teen frm Claysburg,PA. u read correctly; we nw av comps 2C hu cn tx d fastst. 13 y/o Morgan Pozgar of Claysburg, PA practiced 4t championship by txtN her bff mor thN 8k tmes a mth. Sure she may av ndless txt msgN on her ph, bt I hope her bffs cn rx em 4 fre. mayB she wl share sme of her 25k $ winnings. IDK bout u bt I tnk we may av got a lil %-) hre. btw, Morgan trns ot 2B d bff of d dautA of a fellow co wrkR. hu knw?

For those of you that think that nothing good could come from The Cove, gaze your exquisite eyes upon this. If you're too lazy to read the blasted article, basically it sums up that the first ever national text messaging champion is a teenager from Claysburg, PA; You read correctly, we now have competitions to see who can text message the fastest. Thirteen year old Morgan Pozgar of Claysburg, PA practiced for the championship by texting her friends more than 8000 times a month. Sure she may have unlimited text messaging on her phone, but I hope her friends can receive them for free. Maybe she will share some of her $25000 winnings. I don't know about you, but I think we may have got a little crazy here. By the way, Morgan turns out to be the best friend of the daughter of a fellow co worker. Who knew?

**Note: Claysburg may not technically be in The Cove, but if The Cove were a Papa John's pizza, then Claysburg would be the cup of garlic butter on the side.**

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Okay, so I've been viewing HDTV (hi-definition television for those of you that are acronym impaired) for the past few weeks now. And frankly I have come to the following conclusion: If you don't have it, don't get it because once you do you'll never want to watch regular TV again! It's like hi speed internet. Once you get it, there is no possible way you'd go back to using a telephony modem ever again. Sure it's crap loads cheaper, but frankly it just doesn't cut it anymore. I get about ten station in HD right now with my cable plan. I'm hoping that number will increase as time goes on. I get the important channels though; all my local stations, as well as ESPNHD (love the sports!), DiscoveryHD (Planet Earth in HD rocks my flippin' world!) and two movie channels, StarzHD and HBOHD (Nicole Kidman never looked so good!). Of course I have a few miscellaneous others like TNTHD that seems to only play episodes of Charmed and Miss Congeniality (just like regular TNT) and TOCHD (The Outdoor Channel for all of you that have most likely never heard of it before) where you can see that crazy hunter guy shoor black bear in the wild with a bow.

The beauty of the HD picture though is its clarity and color. I can see the pores on people's faces for crying out loud! Sure it may not be as attractive to see the extra forehead wrinkles or the small spot of poorly applied makeup, but it is pretty darn impressive. Why would I want to watch something in a 4:3 format when I can get 33% more picture at 16:9? In other words why watch puny square when I can get beefy rectangle [grunt grunt]? In reality there is no downside to actually watching HD picture. Heck even golf is less boring to watch because you can awe about the scenery when you start to hemorrhage from boredom of the actual sport. The thing that stinks about HD is that you'll wish all your channels were in HD and you'll be quite disappointed when you tune to the Sci Fi channel only to see Samantha Carter and Dania Scully in pitiful 480i resolution with black sidebars. In the meantime Donald Trump is living it up in glorious 1080i just so I can see in more detail, how ridiculously bad his toupee is. It's not really fair, but then Pam Beesly sort of makes it balance out I suppose.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Poem #61: Starry Night

Sometimes when it's late at night
I go outside where there's no light
To gaze upon the stars up high
And slowly watch as they creep by.

I then think back, light years away
To when that star was just a babe.
And wonder just where I could be
And think that star is part of me.

From dust to dust the bible states.
What makes up me has come from space.
And then someday when I am gone,
My body will become part of the dawn.

And more of me will drift away
Back up to space where I will stay
And may become part of a sun,
A sun whose life has just begun.

So late at night when I look up high
I see myself up in the sky.
Of course it's just my body's home
Whose final stop will be unknown.

-- James Barley

In case you were curious I wrote this back in college for my poetry class. It was my favorite one. I don't think too many of my fellow Christian students appreciated the viewpoint, but then again I guess I'm not really your stereotypical Christian now am I?

Saturday, April 14, 2007

It's the end of an era. We all come to them. Call them whatever you want. End of an era, the next chapter, a new path, they're all the same. Yet your end is so much more final than mine right now. It's all new for you now. But I know you'll prevail. That's all you've ever done is prevail, that's obvious. So much now comes to its finale, but there is so much that will begin anew. Who knows what's in store for each of us. Life can never stay constant. It never will stay constant. Those that expect such things are ill-considered. But sometimes it sure would be nice if it did. But you're a dreamer and your aspirations have now taken you into uncharted waters. And while it may be scary and stressful, you're not alone. The world is filled with people like you! People starting new chapters, ending old eras. We'd never grow as people if that weren't the case. And it's my guess that soon I'll be in the same boat, that's just the way Life goes. So don't ever look back. Don't ever lose hope. Don't ever give up on your dreams. Ever!

Monday, April 09, 2007

In case you have been out of the bar/club scene for a while, here's your chance to get clued in to the Do's and Don'ts of today's music hoppin', alcohol consumin', chick sweatin', smoke fumigatin', drug dopin', glass droppin', dance crazin' club scene. Keep in mind that my experience has been solely influenced by the city of Altoona, PA. In other words your bars and clubs are probably not as trashy and hole-in-the-wall-ish as the ones I frequent, but I'm sure these little helpers hold true to just about anywhere.
  • Do make sure you have your ID ready at the door. Especially if you don't attend the club every Friday and Saturday, or if you don't have a pretty face or big boobs or if the bouncer is a complete idiot and doesn't remember you when you show up every Friday and Saturday.
  • Don't complain to your friends at your table when you are NOT carded because you’re 30. Quite frankly all your friends will do is laugh at you because you’re old.
  • Do make sure you hold on to your drinks tight when you’re going at it like Ricky Martin on the dance floor, especially if you’re sweating.
  • Don't try and pick up your broken glass or bottle that you just dropped with all the other Ricky Martins going at it like Jim Carry with a frog down his pants. This may cause severe painless bleeding that won’t be perceived until you have a giant blood stain on your pants or your foot is wet and red.
  • Don't make a face or comment if you’re a waitress and your customer is drinking a Pepsi instead of a beer. I’m sorry for upsetting you when I’m trying to be responsible. Clearly, what am I thinking?
  • Do make sure you still tip your waitress after they throw a snide comment your way because you’re not drinking beer. This ensures that the flow of Pepsi will continue to be regenerated in your direction.
  • Do make sure you wear underwear under your extremely high-cut mini skirt, especially if you plan on dancing. This ensures that, even though you’re slutty and high as a kite, you don’t end up showing off your privates to half the dance stage.
  • Don't be hypocritical when it comes to whom you dance with. If you’re willing to dance with anything that has two legs but then as soon as no-underwear chick shows you her real hair color you get appalled, you can't leave her and go over to your friends and say, “Wow that’s just nasty!”
  • Do be friendly with the band especially if they come to talk to you or if they ask you to sing into the mic while you’re on the dance floor.
  • Don't yell requests at the top of your lungs in between songs from your table, especially when the songs you’re requesting are complete crap and no one wants to hear them, not even you.
  • Do make sure to do some people watching and keep a smile on your face at all times. It will make you very approachable which is good if that's the kind of thing you're after.
  • Don't be the creepy lone staring person that stands on the edge of the dance floor with their drink in hand, arms crossed just watching the whole night long as if pondering which person they are going to grab, abuse and then throw in the trunk of their car, or more likely the bed of their beat up pick-up.
So remember, the club scene can be a fun time. If you abide by these Do's and Don'ts you should never have a problem enjoying yourself. Now of course there will be memories you wish you didn't have from that evening, but then again, when are you not out with friends where you don't come away with wanting to not remember something? Oh yeah, the final Do: Do make sure you're with good friends and not ones that ditch you for the band, no matter how trashy and disgusting they may be (the band, not your friends, although I guess that could work for a friend too, but I doubt you'd be their friend if they were trashy and disgusting).

Sunday, April 08, 2007

You've obviously come here for the now annual Easter Weekend Recap. Just like the previous years (2006, 2005), this one did not disappoint. So without further ado, here are my favorite moments of Easter At Grandma's 2007:
  • This year's major theme: What edible materials did my grandma have that did NOT expire in 05?
  • Schooling my now 7 year old cousin once again in Mario Kart 64. Yes I know, I'm a competitive freak!
  • Again being told I was to let her win or she would break my glasses.
  • Spreadable Land-O-Lakes butter that looked like soup. Guess what, expired Apr 05 (and was probably present at the last three Easter Dinners).
  • Whipped cream that shot out of the can so fast it knocked the strawberries right off my grandma's cake! You guessed it; expired Dec 06.
  • The Brother-In-Law and I waiting at least 15 minutes while the rest of the fam picked up my cousin from kiddie church. Funny how there was no one else coming out, the next service was coming in and the excuse of the time delay was, "We just couldn't move back there, there were so many people!"
  • My uncles going at it at dinner like their own episode of The Odd Couple. I nearly lost the fruit salad in my mouth.
  • The dinner conversation this year going from whores, to inner-racial relationships, to mocking Chinese, Spanish, and Native Americans in a matter of minutes (I do apologize for the disrespect given to all people at the dinner table by my relatives)
  • Who is this Joe Jencho and why does he keep coming in to to any and every story ever told at the dinner table?
  • My grandma's female dog apparently wanting a relationship with my cousin's leg. But don't worry, it's completely non-sexual . . .
  • After drying myself with a towel when getting out of the shower Sunday morning, I had dog hair in my mouth! No place is safe in that house!
  • Pick your salad dressing of choice: Ranch Lite, expired Sept 06, Fat Free French, unopened, expired Jan 06, No Carbs Italian, expires May 07.
So yeah once again it was nothing but laughter the whole time. If I ever wend up taking a significant other to this event it could very well be the last family event they ever attend. I'm not exactly sure why The Brother-In-Law continues to come back year after year, but despite the judgments and gossip that gets tossed around like a dead fish at the market, if you just picture yourself as a star in a soap opera it should all really be all right. Who doesn't like Easter Weekend with the fam?

Thursday, April 05, 2007

In case you were curious, here are two pictures from the world's most elaborate, and expensive popcorn machine. Built and controlled by your's truly and my co-workers at The Workplace, the popcorn machine models an actual blacktop batch plant. It's controlled by custom written software (written in VB6 thanks to me and Ashley) running on a laptop and an Opto22 B3000 SNAP rack and modules. For you non-technical people, that reads gobblie gooblie ploppie ploo. Check out the pics!

Sunday, April 01, 2007

This ain't no April Fools joke, but if you're ever in Gettysburg, PA looking to transport a giant 15 foot stalk of bamboo and root, get something larger than a van.
Like Chappie says, "The state will pull you over and give you a ticket for not wearing your seatbelt, but they won't do a thing when you have a giant marijuana plant obstructing your view."