Thursday, October 27, 2005

Relationships can be a funny thing. In the blink of eye your best friend can become your worst enemy, and that smelly guy who stands by the water cooler is suddenly your new companion. Most of us treat our relationships pretty tenderly. Instead of telling your friends what you really think, you chose to just continue on letting them think you are someone different than who you are. You're careful not to destroy a friendship when it is such a great thing . . .

You have them. Those people that just seemed to disappear; your best buddy from elementary school, the cute girl that sat next to you in Math that you finally got to know the last week of school, a college roommate or even an ex-girlfriend. Where did they all go? Will you ever hear from them again? Could you have done something different with your relationship to have made it last? How many people are wondering where you are right now and what ever happened to you?

My only wish in life is that the following two words never ever existed: What If . . .

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

SNOW! And it’s about dog-on time! I must admit, I’ve been very skeptical for the last week about this event the weather forcasters have been predicting, but I guess you cry wolf enough times eventually a wolf comes around. There may be only an inch on the ground, but that is one inch more than not having any on the ground. I may have seen the largest snow flakes ever this morning. Some were at least 3 inches in diameter. I think that constitutes as a snow chip instead of a snow flake. All I’m asking for is another 180 days of weather like this and I will be more than satisfied for the winter season. A couple days of three feet or more could just be the icing on the cake.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

I think I heard about the greatest analogy of God and His "Master Plan" I have ever heard in my life. It went something like this:

Imagine our lives are one gigantic tapestry. We go about our lives watching and living as seemingly random things happen for some reason beyond our understanding. To us we are merely looking at the back of the tapestry. From our point of view there is just a conglomeration of threads and knots that make absolutely no pattern what-so-ever. But God has a completely different point of view. He is looking at the front of tapestry, and there everything is perfect! There is a marvelous pattern that is larger than life and as beautiful as a summer sunset.

It's amazing really; how a simple analogy can make such a complicated thought seem so incredibly straightforward.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Can you believe I know this guy??

Or worse yet, this guy?

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

It's no surprise to anyone that we have our own personal space that we don't like invaded. Ever have one of those close-talkers get up in your grill and talk the tip of your nose and you just had absolutely no where to retreat to? Maybe what you never realized was that even when you're in your car you still don't want others to invade your space and you remain conscious of encroaching other's. Remember the last time you pulled up to a red light right next to another car? I bet you didn't stop your car so that you could look directly over at the dude next to you. You either stopped slightly ahead of the guy, or stopped just short of him. Although maybe this was because you were singing at the top of your lungs to Jessica Simpson and didn't want that red neck next to you to see you doing it and you weren't about to stop singing for him. After all, it was a bangin' song!

Now me . . . I stop singing for cute girls . . . mostly . . .

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

So I'm pretty sure that this past weekend my friends and I were the first Messiah alums to ever tailgate in a pickup (or any other vehicle for that matter) at a Messiah College soccer game! And it was tons of fun too. Hoards of chilli, soda, and brownies! What could really be better? Maybe a victory by the Stillers or Penn State, but I guess we can't always get what we want.

Let's take a look at something else here; the movie Doom. Despite what some people say, I have yet to see a good movie that has been based off a video game. And NO, Mario Bros was NOT a good movie. Tomb Raider may have been the closest, and I never saw it, but it would be the only video game movie I would consider seeing these days. As a former video game-a-holic the thing that Hollywood is missing is the fact that a video game is a movie, and it's an interactive one at that, that puts you the viewer into the lead role. The only people that would ever consider seeing a movie based on a game, are gamers themselves, and they are quite satisfied with their 3-D cutscenes and bad translations (remember All your base are belong to us!). So The Rock or no Rock, Doom was indeed doomed from the very beginning.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I found a new hobby today. I like to call it, Rub the Yankees' defeat in my dad's face until I can't take it any more. The man is a pure Yankees fan and it just bothers the heck out of me. When a single team's player is making more than entire team of players put together, there is something not right there. Although there is really something not right if said team still can't make it to the World Series.

Now I think its time for a little segment I like to call, Captain Jimmy's Odd List of Favorites!

Favorite Sheetz Milkshake Flavor: Strawberry
Favorite Programming Code Loop: For Each Loop
Favorite Female Video Game Player: Morgan Webb
Favorite Road Pavement Style: 60 day old pure concrete
Favorite Shirt Style: Short sleeve T worn over a long sleeve T
Favorite Car Manuver in the Snow: The E-Brake turn
Favorite Place To Floss: Between the second and third tooth from the middle on the top left.
Favorite Fog Style: When a layor of fog just covers the mountain sides and it looks like I'm driving next to giant cotton balls on my way to work.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

The First Blog Chain Post

Hello everyone,

Just so you all know, this is a real thing! Nothing about this post is phony; it will work its incredible magic just as described. Not only are there starving people in “The Home World” that this will feed, but this post will also cure all Cancers and give money to every single sick individual in the solar system.

It’s not a hard thing to do. Just notify every single person and parakeet you know to go to this page. Once viewed, this page will automatically log every single thing about you, including your eye color, finger prints, blood type and every known boyfriend you have ever had. Once this is done, this page hacks into a government mainframe and grabs your address from “The People’s World Database.”

Once this is done, you will receive a check for $314.15 for every person that you directed to this post and twice that for every link you make to this post. Never mind that you only told your friends about this by word of mouth, this page still is able to determine that. Also a giant turkey (and complete Thanksgiving meal) will be sent to one hungry family on this planet and a $2718.28 donation will be made to a single AIDS charity, including ones that have yet to exist.

Like I said, all you have to do is get people to come view and read this post. This is not a knock knock joke and it will work 997% of the time. Not only will you never have to go back to work again, but think of all the unborn babies that you will be helping. Even little Johnny Barber who may or may not die in a car accident next year will greatly appreciate your participation.

Please, please do not ignore this request. Millions of endangered species may die if you fail to ignore this post. Thank you for your time.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Can I tell you that the most idiotic thing that this country ever invented was Daylight Savings Time (DST) (I would have said the English measurement system, but ironically the British beat us to that one). The fact that we feel the need to increase our time by an hour and then decrease it an hour, later in the year it just utterly foolish. Even more dim-witted is the fact that not all areas of the country participate in the beloved event! Yeah yeah it’s nice to have more daylight in the summer and the kiddies can see at the morning bus stop in the winter (not at the times I caught the bus back in the day), but honestly what else is it good for? The only smart thing about DST was that its occurrence was based on a timing algorithm. Now in typical U.S. fashion we are doing away with the only intelligent thing about DST. I am told that starting next year we will be setting our clock back to Standard Time a month later that normal.

If I wasn’t a programmer this wouldn’t bother me all that much, however what people don’t realize is what an inconvenience this is going to be. Any cell phone, VCR, computer or other electronic device that automatically adjusts for DST is going to need a software or firmware upgrade. Sure it’s nice if you use Windows Update, but Windows Update ain’t fixing the firmware in my TV.

About the only thing as dense as DST is the Julian Date system. This is where we keep track of the total number of seconds from the beginning of time, or Jan 1, 1970, to figure out what today’s date is. While most computers use this date method internally, what people don’t realize is that this system breaks down around Jan 19, 2038 thanks to the friendly little 32 bit internal counter. Not that this chaotic mess will matter as the Mayan’s have predicted the end of world to be Dec 23, 2012. You know, if we all just used Universal Standard Time it would make things a lot easier. What do I care if it’s light outside at 200AM. At least when I plan to meet someone at 415PM it will be 415PM everywhere and anywhere.

Is human nature to make things so simple and complicate them so drastically?

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

If you deal with computers on any type of basis then you are well aware of what a username is. In the workplace, this username is usually comprised of the user's first initial followed by their last name. In my case, usually my username would be jbarley (pronounced, ji-barley) however, since my dad has that same exact username, mine became jrbarley (pronounced jer-barley). Sometimes, however this may not be a good idea. Lets say for instance you worked with a rather handsome lady by the name of Wanda Hennch . . . well in this case I think you get the idea . . .

DISCLAIMER: Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental and in no way whatever-so-ever relates or refers to any persons I know at the time of this post.

Monday, October 03, 2005

So my dad talked me into getting my picture taken for his church directory this evening with him and my grandma. I wasn't opposed to the idea, it just sort of felt strange to me because while I am a member of that church, I do not attend that church anymore for personal reasons, and I'm pretty sure I'm the only 20 something member there. In any event, I did the picture thing mainly for my grandma because it was important to her. So after my dad tried to persuade me to wear a tie, I explained to him that I needed to be free to express who I am for this picture, and the person I am is a jeans and relaxed shirt kind of guy. Since he was going to show up with a shirt, tie and shorts, I negotiated that he would wear pants with his shirt and tie and I would wear a buttoned up collared shirt. With that agreed upon, we set out for our 725PM photo shoot at 700PM. For most people this would make perfect sense except we live about 2 miles from the church, and The Cove is NOT a high traffic area, despite the rumors.

Now I was told this was going to be a one--photo--taken--and--done deal. Buddy was I lied to! This was a whole darn photo shoot! The photographer I'm pretty sure was on some form of Speed, as the man must have said all our names about 4 times in every sentence. My grandma had me nearly rolling on the ground as she threatened to sue the photographer if she fell off the stool. Of course, this guy just ate it all up since he was clearly on the biggest caffeine kick since the great 2 Liter Dew Down of 2002! After 20 shots of Dad and Me, then 20 more of Dad, Grandma and Me, and then another 20 of just Me, I got the heck out of there. The one picture thing was a big old bluff I think and right now my dad is realizing that he owes me big!

Saturday, October 01, 2005

An update to last week's clubbin' entry. Let's focus on the group I like to call The Pool Players. This group usually consists of 4 or more boys along with one or two girls. The girls are usually the girlfriends of some of the boys playing and most of the time they will just sit around drinking and smoking cigarrettes never taking their eyes off their man. Once in a while you'll see one get up and play a round or two of pool, but they'll completely stink and they might not even finish the game, having their boyfriend come in and finish for them.

The boys on the other hand will spend $30 or more just to keep using the pool table. If you ever enter a club and these people are already at the table, forget ever playing yourself. They'll have the table all night long. Of course the boys too are smoking and drinking to no end some of the players with ball caps on, but worn backwards on the head. As the night progresses play gradually gets worse and worse as the tremendous amounts of alcohol and cigarettes slowly take their toll.

In the meantime, the girls are taking their layers of clothes off in the hope that their boyfriends will sneak a glance and start to give them a little more attention. And if they get no attention from their significant other, they'll start flirting with the boyfriend's friends who are sitting out this round of pool.

Finally once everyone is out of quarters and livers for the night, the bar closes and The Pool Players leave. The couples leave holding hands with the girl almost being drug behind the boy by the hand.

Frankly I find this group of people rather boring and usually keep away from them because the amount of smoke they give off constitutes as first hand smoke I'm pretty sure. Maybe I should wear a shirt when I go out that says Save my lungs, smoke a pretzel!