Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Of course you know Google is probably the most popular search engine in the history of the planet. It’s so popular in fact tat I’ve even heard people refer to search engine as a verb: “Why don’t you Google it to find out more about it?” But did you know that Google is on heck of a scientific calculator? “Hey what’s two Google three?” Why five or course! Not only can you do simple math like 1 + 1 or 4.5 / 5.75, but also you can do numeric conversions. Go ahead try it. Just type, “165 lbs in kg” and watch your weight be converted to metric. Want to know how many milliliters are in 25 ounces? “25 oz in ml” Come on, give me something hard. There are tons of conversions you can do, including base conversions! “0b1100112 in decimal.” If I were a virtual calculating machine, I’d be in love. I tried to get tricky on it and test out some higher-level mathematics like logarithms and imaginary numbers and it trucked along without any issue. I decided I’d pull out the big guns with the equation, eπi + 1 and wouldn’t you believe it, the number zero popped out. I was speechless.

You might ask why this equation is so unique. Well the answer is really quite simple. This is the only equation that uses all five major symbols of mathematics and only those symbols once. e being the irrational base used when computing natural logs, π being the proportion of an circle’s circumference to its diameter, i being the imaginary number representing the square root of negative 1, the number 1 of course, and 0, the symbol representing nothing at all. Truly a mathematical wonder I do believe! At one time I proved this equations using integrals and summations, but that was high school and has been long since forgotten, just believe me when I say it’s a true equation.

Monday, April 24, 2006

If you’re looking for a good movie to watch, and you happen to be from a small town in Massachusetts, I would suggest the film Beautiful Girls. Now before you go off thinking, “Boy is Jimmy a perve or what?!” Lets take a look at what the film is actually about shall we. Unfortunately for you pornoholics this movie is not going to satisfy your addiction. The movie was made back in 1996 though this doesn’t mean that it stinks. To start with, the movie has such stars as Rosie O’Donnell, Matt Dillon, Annabeth Gish (Agent Reyes from The X-Files) and event the great and wonderful Natalie Portman (though it is a 13 year version of her yet even then she was great). While this isn’t a Captain Jimmy Movie Review, I will say this movie is worth watching, especially if you are an adult and still live to be back with your high school buddies, or you actually do live with your high school buddies. Not only does the movie address the crossroads in our lives, as well as what our lives might be like had we all been from a small town and stayed there forever, but it also addresses the great thing that is friendship. If you haven’t figured it out yet, Vikki I am recommending this movie specifically for you. So if you haven’t seen it, go see it! Well, you’ll actually have to rent it since it is 10 years olds, but go do it! By the way is it normal for a film that takes place in Massachusettes to be filmed in Minnesota?

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Have you seen these new Doublemint Twin Mints commercials yet? They're the ones with the two goofballs wearing some green pin-striped shirt that look nothing alike yet sing like they are in some kind of old Broadway musical. The concept is that Doublemint Twin Mints are different from the gum, so let's make the "twins" doing the singing completely different. In all seriousness here, how much are those two nuckleheads singing getting paid? I'll tell you this much. If Wrigley hired me to do that singing and dancing crap they'd be about broke because I wouldn't be doing that junk for mere pocket change. Where do they find people to do that? Does Wrigley just walk around the streets of, say, Pasadena, CA and think, "Hey look at those two idiots over there. They look retarded enough to be in our latest commercial. I bet they can't sing for crap!" I tell you this much, I wouldn't be playing the role of one of the idiotic background singers and dancers for cheap either.

Monday, April 17, 2006

So I go to Buffalo, NY for a week, come back and everything outside is either green, white, or pink. It’s quite nice actually. Where we were at in Buffalo we saw either brown, black, or tan and those colors weren’t the colors of nature, but the colors of ghetto towns, nasty Lake Erie and NY traffic. So needless to say I was glad to be back home.

With Easter being this past weekend, it was another fun filled event at my Grandma’s. Just like last year’s post, here are some of my favorite recaps.
  • Digging a hole to plant flowers with a nice shovel, but as soon as I pull the shovel from the ground, only the handle comes back.
  • Replacing said shovel with a cheap plastic one and attempting to dig a hole.
  • Watching my sister squeeze a robin’s egg to see if it was real and it popping in her hand getting dead baby bird all over her!
  • Knowing that my sister is OCD about stuff like that and not having anything to clean off her hands with within 5 miles!
  • Watching my grandma put half a dinner plate of food out “for the birds.” My brother-in-law says it’s got to be some groundhog or cat that really eats that stuff.
  • Waking up on the living room couch with a mouth full of white dog hair. Blahhh.
  • Schooling a 6 year old in Mario Kart 64 and watching her get really ticked off!
  • Having said 6 year old tell me she will take my glasses from me and break them!
  • Hearing the dinner conversation move from menopause to constipation to colonoscopies in a matter of minutes, literally.
  • Waiting for my great uncle to bring up how he wants the bar my grandfather made that now resides in father’s basement . . . again!
  • Listening to my great uncle bring up said event as well as the appraisal of my grandma’s house . . . again!
  • Trying to find anything in my grandma’s house with either real sugar, salt, or fat in it. No go.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

So I've been in Buffalo, NY for the last three days now and I am starting to get pretty darn sick of their accent, ya know? See I'm even starting to think with it. Luckily I'll be heading back to gold ol' PA tomorrow just in time for The Office with any luck. The roads here that I'm traveling on are uterly brutal. Apparently these are 4 lane highways with only a middle double yellow line for road markings. This means that two lanes of traffic travel in each direction with no lane dividers. Also suddenly these two lane roads become one and then two again before you even know it! New Yorkers are all honkin' their horns left and right at me! Also the No Turn On Red signs seem to be optional to follow and a red traffic light simply means come a slow roll and then drive on thru the red light; straight!. I could never make it here unless I had a giant Hummer that I was allowed to run people over with.

In other news I'm trying to get on this MySpace bandwagon here before I'm left out of the loop. So today I got an email (from a devoted fan apparently) requesting that I be her friend on MySpace. "That's cool," I think, "I'm with it. I'm hip." So I click on the link to take me away to Internet Connection Land. MySpace works as it intends too but I can't help but notice the giant picture of the half naked chicks on every other page. I mean, X10 camera ads have those sizzlin' hot babes advertising for them, but the ads are pretty small. These puppies take up half the page! No exaggeration! So I'm not really sure who MySpace is catering too, but it appears to be the young, 20 year old males that are so obviously sex crazy. If only the majority of my friends looked like that I'd be pretty darn happy!

NOTE: If you are one of my friends, please note that the last remark was merely for entertainment purposes only. Take no offense. As your mom would say, "But you are so beautiful on the inside." Huh! What a load of crap!

Monday, April 10, 2006

Captain Jimmy's Bootleg Movie Review: Ocean's Twelve

So it's been a while since I've seen a bootleg movie, but this version of Ocean's Twelve did not disappoint. The movie kicks off with fairly poor video color quality with Japanese sub-captions and poor text display format. All that aside, the movie was great! Danny Ocean (George Clooney) is at it again scheming up a way to make millions on a heist. Unfortunately this time Ocean's involvement and his 10 other sidekicks is a result of Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia) tracking everyone from the first movie down (even though in the first movie he didn't even know they existed) and making them pay back what they stole, plus interest. The movie continually points out that Benedict was reimbursed by the insurance agency, but I'm not quite sure why this was hinted at time and time again. It really eluded me.

Anywho, Ocean's Eleven wend up finding out that they are being played by some French Thief who is the master of all thieves otherwise known as The Night Fox. This guy is neither a knight, nor a fox by the way. It turns out that The Night Fox is who helped Benedict track down all of Ocean's Eleven team solely so he could see who was the better thief. Needless to say a new heist comes up and only Detective Lahiri (Catherine Zeta-Jones) is smart enough to figure it all out. To rap things up things get pretty intense and we finally discover that the 12th member alluded to is none other than Julia Roberts er, Tess Ocean (Julia Roberts).

The movie was crafty, exciting and very quick and sneaky. You have to watch closely and pay attention or you'll completely miss all the stuff the movie has to offer. Not only did I not want to turn it off, but also it was 12 midnight on a weeknight and I still had to watch the ending. Despite my lack of sleep that night I give this movie 4 superbly picked pockets, out of 5!

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Campbell BrownUnless you’ve been living under a rock the past few days you should know that Today’s co-anchor, Katie Couric has announced her leave from the famed mourning show effective this May. While not a fan of hers at all (I think she acts like a ditz and dresses like a 16 year old just so people will like her) I was quite pleased to hear this news. Of course in my mind, this leave of Katie’s could only mean one thing; make way for my favorite news personality of all time, Campbell Brown! Not only is she super attractive, well okay, she’s super attractive. If she and Katie were to go at it fists and all Campbell would come out looking like she just walked a mile, while Katie would probably be in a bloodied heap of a mess on the ground. But of course, NBC throws the monkey wrench of all time and decides to hire that woman from The View who also hosts Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. What the BEEP! This is not what I’ve been looking forward to for years! Why have you dashed all my hopes and dreams NBC? Why have you denied the most wonderful talk head her right of passage into the weekday Today show? I would have started to watch more of the Today show. I would have gone into The Workplace later just to watch her (like I do on days she subs in). But hey, NBC screwed up yet again and just lost even more viewers for its popular mourning show.

Despite the fact that Campbell got married last Sunday, it still doesn’t mean we all can’t dream and hope for a divorce. It’s a good thing the Half-Sevens Rule1 doesn’t apply to older women.

1Half-Sevens Rule: A rule brought to my attention by Andy that states that a man can have relations with a younger women provdied her age is half of that of the man's age plus seven. For example, I am currently 25 so I would be able to see a women that is half of my age (12) plus 7, which would be 19. Note: This rule gets better with age and keeps those real young people from being together.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Ahhh Spring Time. Time for nice weather, cool breezes and of course volleyball and ultimate frisbee! While I say good riddance to my incredibly sucktacular winter I am quite ready for the spring season's sports to start up. I got myself into an Ultimate Frisbee club out near Johnstown, PA so I'm completely stoked (as some boarders may say) about that. And for a nice random thing, a woman on Deal or No Deal just thought that Thanksgiving was on March 3rd. How is that even possible?