Tuesday, June 27, 2006

After driving to Buffalo, NY and back sixty-gozobble times and back this month I came to notice a whole slew of road signs that absolutely mean squat to me. The following is what the signs read and what I think in response to it. You can think of it like a Psychologist's word game. "I'll say something, and then you tell me what you think."

Left Turns and Crossroads -- I'm sorry did I miss something? What happened to my right turns? And what about the left turns and crossroads? Funny how I don't even see any other "roads" intersecting mine for miles after this sign.

CHURCH -- No kidding? Funny I didn't see the sign for DEPARTMENT STORE or HOUSE a few blocks back . . .

Speed Zone Ahead -- It's the darndest thing. When I think speed zone I'm thinking speed up, not slow down. I hate New York.

No Turn On Red -- These signs in NY must only be optional.

Changing the topic real quick, the latest member of The Blogging Crew can be found over thar (that's right chumps, I said thar, not there) in the right column. While she won't express her name in her blog to hide her identity, I will. Enjoy! http://dmmos.blogspot.com/

Monday, June 26, 2006

“So check it out dawg,” as Randy from Idol would say. This weekend was the annual National Championship Pottstown Rumble in Pottstown, PA. This is volleyball I’m talking about here of course. Now I wasn’t really going to discuss this but since so many people kept hassling me about it this past weekend I guess I feel obligated. So here’s the low down. The weather this past weekend couldn’t have been worse. I’m pretty sure it rained at least 3 inches making this the muddiest tournament I’ve ever been to. Do you know how hard it is to play in pouring rain in ankle deep mud pools? It’s darn hard and let me tell you, Jim Barley would NOT be having a tournament like this one in his yard. Now lets talk about this “National” championship thing. There are people from out of the country that play in this tournament and I really don’t think it’s fair to classify them as being part of this nation.

But let’s talk about these out-of-country men, er women. I saw the manliest woman from Canada play ball that I have ever seen in my life and will probably ever see again. She was darn good at volleyball and even had the looks, but when it came to personality . . . Wow. Let me give you an example, okay how about two. The first is when she stepped out on the muddied court, just caked in mud (like most of us) and she lifted the top of her tank top up to her nose, took a whiff and states the following for all the world to hear, “Shew that is one bad a** stench!” I’m sorry, did you just comment on your boobs smelling like a**?

The second memorable moment came during a play in the game where she dove for the ball and hit the ground hard splattering grime all over the place. Upon hitting the ground her gum came flying out of her mouth and landed into a pool of brown liquefied clay. Any normal person might just let this be, but she pounded her fists on the ground in disgust of missing the ball then picked up her gum and threw it back in her mouth! Are you kidding me?! To this her male partner uttered, “Man, she’s my kind of guy.” I’ll tell you, I knew those Canadians where a little odd, but crap, that’s just down right manly!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

My latest gripe: People that think they know it all, but really don't, then try to convince you that they really do. Maybe I’m just an idiot but I prefer to let them know they don’t know it all. So it upsets them a little, sometimes it upsets them a lot. Do I really care? Not an ounce. Did you ever know one of those people? They just try to get under your skin and try and shut you down and be-little you the best they can. The best thing about these types of people is that when they can’t get under your skin, you get under there’s. It’s a very bittersweet payback.

People manipulation is one of my specialties actually. I never abuse this talent, but I do amuse myself with it from time to time. Take for instance the game I used to play in college with my friends. I called it, “Let’s see how late I can keep people up.” The game was quite simple. I would see how long I could keep people talking to me late at night after they decided it was time to leave. I was really good at it. My record was about 3 hours I think. The best part about was that once my friends caught on, I’d still play the game, and with quite success. The other best part was seeing my friends dead tired the next morning. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the nicest thing in the world to do, but any one of those people would concur that it was indeed quality time spent with yours truly, and what isn’t nice about that? So just a note for you people out there trying to manipulate other people, you really don’t want to try it with me. I am NOT your friend and I am NOT amused by your petty tactics.

On a separate note (not really) if you work in an office and you don’t read the comic strip Dilbert, you are definitely missing out. Here is yesterday’s edition:

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

So have you heard the latest story about the debit cards that FEMA handed out during the Hurricane Katrina crises last year? The Government or whoever is complaining because some of the purchases made with these cards have been made public and they include, but are not limited to dinner at Hooters, Girls Gone Wild videos, and expensive wines. What’s my take on it? Well clearly you care since you are still reading this entry.

Before I get into my opinion let me tell you a story. Let’s say little Joey needs to pay for the insurance on his brand new hot rod and to do this he gets himself a job at the local grocery story to help him pay for it. And fortunately for him, Mom decides she’ll give him a couple hundred bucks to go towards the insurance money because, well Joey is Mom’s baby and unfortunately he will never be able to escape from that label, even after he turns 25. Anywho, so Joey puts Mom’s 200 bucks aside for the time being to be used later for his car insurance. Now Joey is your typical teenager so he’s using his newly earned grocery money for clothes to attract the ladies and pizza because he’s darn hungry. And every once in a while he goes the extra mile and takes a girl out on an expensive date (foolish, but alas Joey is still young). Suddenly Joey is hard pressed for money this month so he goes back and takes some of the money Mom gave him to pay for his nice new kicks. However since Joey is anything but an idiot (except when it comes to girls) he tries to save a little more the following month to take place of the money Mom gave him.

So in the end Mom actually wound up paying for Joey’s Air Jordan’s, but the car insurance was still paid for. Was there any wrong doing here? Sure Joey didn’t use Mom’s money for the insurance but he made up for it by sacrificing some of his own hard earned cash.

So now it’s time for my opinion. And if you haven’t figured it out yet you haven’t been reading comprehensively. People are going to spend money on foolish and frivolous things no matter how much money they have. Money is money no matter where it comes from and any money that I obtain becomes my money to do with what I please. If I want to waste a gift in kind on girls with short shorts, that’s my business. It just means that I’ll have to spend more of my hard earned “riches” on what I need to survive. That’s how money works. You are free to do with your money what you please and I am free to do the same.

Maybe if FEMA hadn’t screwed up relief support in the first place we wouldn’t be talking about this issue today. Maybe it’s just a ploy to make people think that FEMA did good and now other people are abusing that gratitude.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

So I’m back in Buffalo, NY only this time it was short notice. So short in fact that they were nearly out of hotel rooms when I made my reservation. What does that mean for me? Well it means that I get a handicap hotel room. Luckily I wasn’t taking it away from anyone that needed it, but I did feel a little embarrassed about doing such a thing. At least that was until I got into my room.

Now let me set the scene for you. In a handicap hotel room they obviously try to accommodate the intended user, which means that the bathroom is laid out a little different as well as the room itself.

So let's start with the bathroom. The shower is about twice the size of a typical shower, which is awesome, however there is only a quarter inch lip that keeps the water inside the shower area. This results in a flooded bathroom floor every time you shower! No exceptions! Where do you put the floor towel in that case? Next, the room sits on the first floor of the hotel and low and behold, it faces the parking lot. This means that when my window curtain is open, any darn fool who is walking to their car only has to turn their head to see me getting dressed or playing air guitar to my iPod. Not cool since I love to let as my natural light into a room as possible. Finally, each room in the hotel has internet access via a standard CAT5 cable. Super! However, due to the different room layout for the handicap the wall jack lies right behind the nightstand in the corner of the room. This wouldn’t be a problem if I hadn’t forgotten my own 20-foot cable, but of course I forgot. The hotel only supplies a three-foot cable which means that currently I am sitting in the corner of my room, on the floor squeezed up against the wall and the night stand just to write this stinkin’ blog entry. Go figure, the three-foot cable does NOT reach the bed.

It’s now apparent to me that handicap rooms aren’t for the handicapped, but for people who wish to feel handicapped. The biggest question I have right now is what does that button outside my room door do that says, "Please hold for 5 seconds?" Dare I push . . . ?

Monday, June 05, 2006

It’s amazing how much we grow over time and don’t know it. I had the opportunity this weekend to see some friends that I went to college with that I hadn’t seen since then. Three years I guess it’s been; almost to the day. Sitting around just talking, listening, learning; there is so much that is the same, yet so much that is different about these people. And it’s that talking, listening and learning that make me realize how much I have changed and grown over the years. It’s sort of sad to see those people of the past disappear. Even though you’re looking the physical being right in the eye, it’s not the same person you once knew. But it is so refreshing to get to know the person they have become and to look forward to the person that they will be. When we spend time after time with people that we know we tend to miss the minor changes that occur within us over time. It’s like as a child you don’t remember that one day you when you were short and the next you were tall. It happened so subtly that you never even noticed it until a year later. The living, spiritual being that we all are is no different than the physical being we charade on the outside in that regard. Sometimes you just need to give life some time so you can step back and see who we all are becoming. Maybe someday I’ll get to meet some other people I once knew all over again.

Congratulations buddy!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Not only is it hot, it’s F’in hot! Have I ever mentioned that I hate the heat? And what I hate more then heat is humidity. It’s like a double negative that doesn’t turn out positive. Okay it’s not like that. It is that. When I grow up I think I’m going to move to Maine. Or better yet, Canada. Have you heard about the health care those guys get? I can speak Canadian eh? Yah.

And it is just me or has Dateline on NBC turned into the Online Predator show? It seems like ever time I see Dateline on it is busting more online vultures. What are they up to now? Part V, VI? And now since the predators are getting smarter and are skeptical to enter the houses, they have bribed little children to help seduce these sickos into the home. Just what I want my child doing; luring sexual predators into a house to be aired on TV. What do they give them to do that? Jujyfruit? Snickers? If I were twelve and luring child molesters into a house I’d probably want the mother load of movies or Swedish Fish or something like that. And is anyone else amazed that all of these people getting arrested seem to live in the same neighborhood? Or are they really driving hours just to see some little kid take their close off?

And there it was, one of the most famous lines from the sitcom Seinfeld, “But I don’t wanna be a pirate!” Not that this has anything to do with anything else, just watching Seinfeld and thought I’d keep you informed.