Friday, December 29, 2006

How many years does the temperature have to be above average before that becomes the average? It’s been flippin’ 50 degrees here in The Cove for the past month. Ski resorts aren’t opening, weeds are still growing and even the bugs make an appearance on the really warm days. Just today I heard again about the temperatures that have been exceeding the normal average and the forecasters are completely surprised by this. Regardless of what The Knob says the past 3 winters at least have been like this. The Knob did NOT have a 60 inch snow base this time last year. They weren’t even open yet! Luckily my blog can act like a history book and in going back three years I find myself complaining about the unseasonably warm weather around this time of year. So when do we raise the average temperature? I mean if you factor in the last 200 years worth of weather data to compute an average temperature we’ll all be dead of heat exhaustion before normal December temperatures are 50 flippin’ degrees. All I want is some snow. I feel like that really shouldn’t be too much to ask for. Stop being so greedy Denver!

Friday, December 22, 2006

This post brought to you by the new Opera web browser on my Nintendo Wii. Is there anything I can't post from?

Thursday, December 21, 2006

This post brought to you by my brand spankin' new Version XV6700 Pocket PC Phone. I wrote and sent an email today while I was driving! Probably not the safest thing in the world to do but still pretty flippin' cool.

Monday, December 18, 2006

It’s pretty funny. I’ve recently had numerous people approach me and inform me about the recall on the Nintendo Wii’s Wii-mote wrist strap. Most of these people found it entirely interesting (or idiotic) that I camped out the original eve for the Wii as word spread pretty quickly around The Workplace once certain people found out. Anywho since I gather many of my readers (Ha! As if I had many readers) are curious as to my take on the recall since I am a giant supporter and of course player of the Wii, here is my opinion.

The fact that Nintendo is doing this recall is very generous indeed. I don’t think Nintendo had ever anticipated people to actually try to throw a virtual baseball at 94 MPH or hit a tennis ball as ridiculously hard as possible. But people did because, well, basically people are idiots. Let me put it this simply. You don’t see companies recalling drinking glasses because people are stupid, get drunk and drop them on the floor to shatter into hundreds of pieces. Nor do you see companies recalling baseballs and footballs because some irresponsible children were playing catch way too close to the living room window. And the reason why you don’t see this is because we are all expected to have a certain degree of responsibility with the products that we use. Sure it’s loads of fun to throw Lawn Darts at your buddy but frankly it’s probably the stupidest thing you could do with them which is exactly why you can’t buy them anymore.

So here’s the down and dirty. I don’t plan on replacing my wrist straps because one, I don’t even have them attached to my Wii-mote, but two, I play my Wii like a civilized individual who has at least a very very basic respect for everything in my life. I’m not trying to prove to my buddies that my Mii can defy Nintendo programming and pitch a baseball faster than 94 mph, nor am trying to show my buddies up with lofting a bowling ball thru a virtual roof. It’s called common sense and just about everybody (especially gamers) has it, even blonds. Frankly I think all you idiots out there should be thankful that the Wii doesn’t get taken away from you like Lawn Darts, Sky Dancers or the Johnny Reb Cannon did1. And if you must, get yourself a wrist strap replacement to keep from breaking your $4000 TV. I’ll be continuing to play my Wii without the wrist strap because I don’t play like an out of control and utter maniac in need of a straight jacket and Ridalin.

1Lawn Darts, Sky Dancers and Johnny Reb Cannon are just 3 of the 10 most dangerous play things of all time. To read a full review of all ten of these toys (and you'll definitely want to read it), check out Pray for Coal: The 10 most dangerous play things of all time from Radar Magazine.
With the Christmas season being ripe and all right now I thought I’d take a little time and present to you one of my favorite things about Christmas; the Christmas TV specials of course! Now of course a lot of my favorites aren’t really aired anymore, but I still have a VHS tape or two hanging about that has some childhood memories stored away. So without further ado, I present to you, “Captain Jimmy’s All-Time Favorite Christmas TV Specials!”

10. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964) – At the number 10 spot we have the holiday classic Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. This basically makes my list because I needed a tenth item and it isn’t near as bad as Christmas Comes to Pac-Land (1982) or The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978). It’s a nice memory I suppose but not really too much of a favorite.

9. Frosty the Snowman (1969) – Ahh Frosty! Who doesn’t know that guy?! I always liked the goofy evil magician. Maybe because as I child I delved into the art of prestidigitation, but the whole story just seemed like a nice epic. My favorite quote of the movie: “So I put these 3 eggs into my hat and ‘abracadabra’ to coin a phrase. Hahaha. And we have . . . messy messy messy.”

8. Yes Virginia there is a Santa Claus (1974) – At number 7 is the little known classic Yes Virginia There is a Santa Claus. The viewers of my generation probably have no idea what the crap this is and it’s only because my mom’s name is Virginia and this is her favorite Christmas special that I know of this. In this Technicolor animation, little Virginia is told by her friends that there isn’t a Santa Claus. So to prove them wrong she writes to the editor of the Chicago Sun newspaper for the real answer. I’m sure you can guess what he says based off the name of the special. Definitely a message for adults more so than children.

7. A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965) – Everyone’s favorite Christmas classics made its way to the number 7 spot on my list. Honestly who doesn’t like Charlie Brown and Snoopy besides serial killers and feminist Nazis? And I’m venturing to guess even some of them love A Charlie Brown Christmas!

6. He-Man/She-Ra Christmas Special (1985) – Those that fall in the older-than-20-but-less-than-30 category know about the He-Man/She-Ra Christmas Special, or at least they should. What little boy didn’t look up the sword welding He-Man and what little girl didn’t enjoy the likes of the sexy female warrior She-Ra (the brother of He-Man of course). In this holiday adventure Orko makes his way to Earth on a spy-glider and brings two Earth children back to Eternia where Horde Prime and Skeletor try to ruin Christmas for them. If you remember He-Man this is a must see! Yeah I'll admit it, I'm a giant loser for remembering all the character's names.

5. Twas the Night Before Christmas (1974) – You’ve got to remember the little mice that ruin and save Christmas! Of course this little animation has countless musical sing-a-longs and did I mention talking mice that interact with humans (nothing at all like The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy mice though) and reference Copernicus. What’s not to like?

4. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966) - Dr. Suess was amazing and this holiday classic was a perfect example of his work. Rhymes flowed so seamlessly that I’m sure any child could recite at least a third of the special. I haven’t seen the movie but I doubt Jim Carrey could have done half as good a job as the Doc. This holiday classic is sure to make your heart grow three sizes. And who (pun intended) doesn’t like the song “Fa Who Dor-Eh?” Eh?

3. Ziggy’s Gift (1982) – Kicking off the top 3 is Ziggy’s Gift. Such a simple special but it emphasizes the true meaning of Christmas. Sure to bring a tear to your eye, Ziggy displays to children, policemen, and thieves alike how giving and loving we should, and can all be on Christmas. If you don’t know who Ziggy is, read the Sunday Comics!

2. Christmas Eve on Sesame Street (1978) - I actually just purchased myself a copy of this classic. Every kid watches Sesame Street and while the characters have changed over the years (with Elmo becoming popular and Cookie Monster now eating vegetables so I’m told) the loving spirit of the families, friends and monster that live there have not. Big Bird wrestles with the concept of Santa fitting down the skinny chimneys, Ernie and Bert shadow The Gift of the Magi, and there’s an ice-skating scene where the world was introduce to the song Felice Navidad. Sometimes I miss the good old days of Sesame Street.

1. A Muppets Family Christmas (1987) – Watch that icy patch! Nothing beats A Muppet Family Christmas. This ain’t no Christmas carol! This is a Muppet Christmas spectacular! All the Muppets are here including the Sesame Street gang, and Fraggles (along with Doc and Sproket). In this hilarious extravaganza Fozzie decides to surprise his mom by coming home to the farm for Christmas and brings his Muppet friends with him. The Sesame Street gang shows up caroling while Kermit and his nephew discover some Fraggle tunnels in the house. The Swedish Chef is hilarious as he attempts to cook the Christmas turkey until he discovers the “Ooodie birdie humungo!” aka, Big Bird. Sure to cover all the emotions of Christmas, if you haven’t seen this Christmas special then you really haven’t experienced the Christmas season, or The Captain’s list of favorite Christmas TV specials!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

My luck may have just been changed forever. This past Monday was The Workplace Christmas Party. It’s held annually and I have attended annually since I’ve been employed by The Workplace. My good friend, once colleague, and now boss has also attended every year since he has been employed which is a few years longer than I. Now if you’re an avid reader, or close friend you know that Luck looks down upon me and laughs horrifically in my face whilst mocking me and punching me every so painfully in the jaw with it’s left hook. But I’ve learned to live with Luck (or lack there of) treating me that way. Said friend (who will now be reffered to as The Luckster) apparently enjoys kissing serious Luck booty along with stealing Luck’s horseshoes and cramming them up his butt. The Luckster has won everything from big cash, to printers, to Stillers tickets. Every single flippin’ Christmas party held by The Workplace he has attended, he has won a gift. Me on the other hand . . . ha ha! Dream on!

So here’s how it went down. When an employee walked into the party room he/she randomly picked a little slip of paper out of a basket that contained a Christmas word or phrase. At the end of the evening, 10 or so Christmas slips were called and the keepers of said slips were awarded prizes. My slip read, “Merry Christmas.” “Yeah merry flippin’ Christmas indeed you big loser,” I thought to myself. So knowing The Luckster’s luck (and mine) I offered a trade of Christmas slips with him. Now he was very well aware of my relationship with Luck and its left hook and still grinningly accepted my offer. I ironically took over his “Wise Men” slip and he took my “Merry Christmas” slip (now I am not lying about the phrases on these slips my friends. This only makes my story that much more entertaining). Now we both were thinking the same thing at the time of the exchange; that The Luckster was once again going to win a prize this year but it would be with the slip I had just traded him.

So the end of the night drew near and after a long, oh so very long “Entertainment” of listening to high school kids sing Christmas carols, it was prize give-a-way time! I wasn’t really optimistic about winning anything as I am a realist but I was just waiting for The Luckster to get his call. One prize was left; the grand prize. The Slip Reader read the very last phrase and to my utter amazement he uttered the words, “wise men.” For the first couple seconds I was in shock. It was like the dream I had never had. I had won! I actually won!! Ironically I deemed to be the “wiser man” and gave Luck the beat down of the century by making the trade of the millennium! Merry Christmas indeed to The Luckster! We all got a big laugh as I tour off the rapping paper of my huge box and gazed upon my brand spankin’ new 20” TV/DVD/VCR/USB combo. Oh it was sheer and total bliss! Ahhh I can still relish in it now as I type.

The drive home I couldn’t help but think what had just happened earlier that evening. Had I changed the course of my life forever with the swap of a mere piece of paper? What if it wasn’t just an evening’s luck that I had traded but a whole lifetime’s? It was like I was in that movie with Lindsay Lohan (don’t I wish!) where she kissed some dude and their luck got swapped, only my kiss wasn’t a kiss (thank goodness) at all, but a simple slip of paper. Now I can only wait and see what Luck will do for me. Was it truly just a night’s exchange or has the whole balance of the cosmos suddenly been shifted in my favor? Only time will tell. Until then I do believe this shall be recorded as this year’s first official Solstivus Miracle, “The Exchanging of the Luck!” Once it’s past by the Founding Fathers of course.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

So I played Beer Pong for the first time ever at a party on Friday. Now grant it most of you are probably thinking, “Give me a break! This guy is 25 years old and has never played Beer Pong before? Yeah right!” Yeah well that is right so deal with it. I’m a deprived individual.

Now maybe it was just my teachers but I found the game to be quite confusing. From what I gathered these are the rules to the game.
  • There are two teams of two players on opposite sides of the ping pong table trying to get two ping pong balls in 6 different cups.
  • The rules apparently can change at any time depending on the players and the variations of play style they have (or have not) played before.
  • Your teammates don’t tend to like it when you yell and mock them for playing crappie.
  • Each arrangement style of cups has a name, like the “Triangle” or my personal favorite, the “Traffic Light.”
  • Somehow there is some way for a team to just keep throwing balls without it ever being your turn.
  • Sexual innuendos are the only allowed means of communication between any players or spectators during play.
  • Teammates also tend not to like it when you make them purposefully miss by knocking their arm on the toss to prove to them they can’t really be playing any worse.
  • Did I mention the rules can change at anytime somehow?
  • Mt. Dew can give you just as much buzz as beer provided you’re drinking it like it’s going out of style.
Oh well. It was still fun…somehow. Although it was either that or watch Celebrity Eye Candy ’06 on VH1. I was told about another fun game called Flip Cup which has an even funner version called Ultimate Flip Cup, but I’m not sure I’ll even be able to comprehend those rules. Honestly how hard is it just to drink really fast if you plan on getting wasted?

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Chalk up another stalker today. Only this one may require a restraining order. Something I haven't had to muster up with the other two quite yet. On a plus note, this one isn't married, but on a bad note, she may not be out of the third grade yet either.

Now that I have your attention, it's story time. So I started helping with this girl’s volleyball clinic every other Tuesday for 3rd to 6th graders. I figured it sounded like something to do, and I'm all for generating interest in volleyball. So two weeks ago we had probably close to 40 girls attend. This week it had dropped down to 30, but that's definitely okay, because if they don't want to be there, they shouldn't be there. I'm pretty sure I don't know any of their names, but they sure know mine (Coach James of course, or Dude as this other girl calls me), especially this one little ball of energy. No matter what the drill, she makes sure to follow me around to where I am coaching and "show off" or basically just draw attention to herself. This then escalates to her thinking she and I are in a personal dodge ball match, with her constantly winning. Serving time comes and the game becomes Lets Try to Hit Coach James with a Serve.

During hitting practice I sucked it up and told her that I had gotten a restraining order on her and she had to stay at least 10 feet away. I don't know why she didn't believe me. That was evident by her grabbing my arm at some point and dragging (and by dragging I don't mean literally because frankly if a 3rd grade girl could drag me across a gym floor I'd probably wet myself as she would have to be an actual real life ogre or something like that) me to the other side of the gym.

So in a few weeks I'm sure I'll see that little bundle of joy again as she has probably told her parents by this point that she wants to go to this clinic everyday, even though we don't offer it but once every couple of weeks!

What the heck is my deal? Am I really that unappealing to chicks my own age? Grant it I realize that obsessive video game playing isn't a huge chick magnet, but I'm willing to share. Or course I don't let anybody win. Not even my 6 year old cousin. And she really doesn't seem to like it when I throw my controller down to the floor then stand up with my arms thrusting to victory while shouting, "Oh yeah! I crushed you!!" Sometimes I throw in a little circular Stirring-The-Cauldron arm dance too.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Fo sizzle!It's no wonder why America is overweight these days. I just had dinner at Applebees two hours ago and apparently I took in a fantastic 1190 calories and 75.4 grams of fat from my steak entre1, and an unbelievable whopping 1086 calories and 56 grams of fat from my Sizzling Apple Pie desert2! That my friends is pure insanity! I would have to run for over 1.5 hours straight to work that crap off!! Throw in my two giant Mountain Dews and I have just eaten my entire allotment for the day as that is the typical 2500 calorie diet! And it looks like I'll be working those calories off while I lay in bed tonight. This sort of ruins my Friday Night . . .

1 Calorie-Count
2 Calorie-Count

Friday, December 01, 2006

I’ll admit it. I have some mild forms of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). If you’re curious as to what they are, just keep reading.
  • The toothpaste tube absolutely MUST be squeezed from the bottom and the cap twisted off for use, not using the pop-top. Any alteration or defilement to the tube results in me reforming and/or cleaning the tube until it is rounded and clean.
  • Outlook Inbox MUST be located in the taskbar of my computer to the very far left. If any other applications are opened before that, I close them all and re-open Outlook.
  • Non-uniform textures drive me crazy! If something has a chip in it, or a rough spot, I cannot rest until it is uniform throughout. This is why I bite my nails.
  • A stack of stapled papers needs to be perfectly aligned with the staple precisely in the upper left hand corner making an isosceles triangle with the corner. If a single paper is not aligned, or the staple is not perfect, the pack gets re-aligned and re-stapled, over and over until I’m satisfied.
  • The money in my wallet must be sorted by value lowest to highest, front to back, all right side up with the face looking toward the front of the wallet.
  • My drinking glass has to be located near the upper left side of my plate. If it’s not, I feel lost. Sometimes I won’t even acknowledge it. Like in a restaurant when they give you a water glass and a drink glass, usually the water glass goes completely unnoticed.
I have some other issues that I classify as minor annoyances mainly because they are completely out of my control. These are as follows:
  • When you’re merging in the car, get up to speed before you actually merge onto the highway!
  • Please drive at a constant speed. Constantly speeding up and slowing down makes me think there’s a woman behind the wheel (forgive me if you are a women and a good driver for there are a few of you out there).
  • How about having a little courtesy and not have a half hour conversation on the phone when you’re with your friends. Surely you can call them back at some later point.
  • You need to hold the Redi-Whip completely orthogonal to the plane of the tabletop. I don’t know why but when people don’t do this, it drives me mad (this could fall under the above category as well I suppose).
  • Stop sneezing everyone! The sound is like nails on a blackboard.
This is why I’m the way I am. You don’t like it? Too bad.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

The Stillers Suck, and yes that is with a capitol S! It was so bad today I couldn't even watch the last 6 minutes of the game. In case you missed it, here is the game, play by play, or something close to it.
  • Kickoff, Stillers got 2 yards and punted
  • Ravens scored
  • Ben sacked
  • Ben sacked
  • Ben sacked
  • Ben sacked
  • Somewhere here the Ravens scored again
  • Probably an interception/fumble around here
  • Ben sacked
  • Ben sacked
  • Another fumble here, probably a pretty bad one
  • I'm sure Baltimore scored again here
  • Ben sacked
  • Ben sacked
And that's when I stopped watching. There is no offensive line, there is hardly a defense and no one is willing to go the extra mile and attempt to catch the ball! Currently they lead the NFL in turnovers, which for you non-football followers, is not a good stat to have. Will they ever be good again? Will Ben ever come back from his motorcycle accident and appendectomy? Will the world ever be at peace again? Stay tuned. For whatever reason, I know I will.

And one more thing, only one month left until total depression!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

My arm is sore today thanks to hours and hours of Wii playing yesterday (mainly tennis). How sweet is that?! Nintendo ROCKS!

Monday, November 20, 2006

So in a fairytale world I would have gotten home and played my new Nintendo for the rest of my life (or until I got hungry, whichever came first). Unfortunately, my life is anything but a fairytale. I made it home with enough time to grab a shower and head to church. I was still running off a crap load of adrenaline, and a hoggle of Breakfast Blend coffee from Sheetz at this point. By the time I made it to church I was fading fast. I nearly fell asleep during the pastoral prayer and thus decided to pray with my eyes open for the remainder of the service. I sadly declined and invitation to dinner with The Neighbors and headed straight home to hit the sack.

I got home and fell on the couch, throwing my eyeglasses on the floor whilst in mid fall. The Dad just watched me and laughed. He started telling me about a newspaper article that he had read about people standing inline for PS3s and Wiis, but sadly that was all I remember. I was out cold 1 minute into his story. After a couple of minutes of laying on the couch completely lifeless, I gimped upstairs and fell into bed, much the same way I fell onto the couch. There I crashed hard for about 3 hours. I’ve only slept in such a matter about three times in my life that I can remember. Once was back my freshman year in college where I decided to stay up all night to watch the sunrise in the morning during Finals Week while everyone else was studying. The second was after a 48-hour day celebrating a college roommate’s soon-to-be marriage at his bachelor’s party in NYC. The third obviously being just this past weekend. This kind of sleep can be described as an absolute blackout. I hear nothing, I feel nothing, I sense nothing, and I react to absolutely nothing. It’s just me in total nothingness for hours, completely lifeless. You could probably compare it to a drunken pass out, but I’ve never been there.

Finally about three hours later I awoke feeling ridiculously groggy and tremendously weak (keep in mind I hadn’t eaten or drank anything except for a Schmiscuit and coffee since supper the previous evening. I dragged myself downstairs only to find the Stillers down 10-20 with about 6 minutes to go in the forth. The Sister called at some point after I woke up, but I really don’t recall too much of the conversation unfortunately. I know I didn’t give her details she was hoping for. Sorry Jenn, we’ll talk this weekend. Once the Stillers pulled off an amazing victory over the poophead Browns, I found the strength to begin installing my new Wii. I got ‘er all hooked up and ready to go in no time. I created my Mii, setup the wireless communications, and configured the rest of the system. I slapped in Wii Sports, the game the unit came with, and got to play for about an hour before it was time for supper.

Now I’m not an idiot (most times) and I don’t play one on TV, but this next move could classify me as such. The Dad made supper early so I could get my lazy can out of the house to play volleyball that evening. What was wrong with me? All I wanted to do was sit down, and play my Wii, while mentally100%, for the rest of time! Was that so much to ask? Apparently because I felt I had to meet all other obligations. So I ate, drove out to The Big City only to find out the team we were supposed to play forfeited. I then drove back to The Park to play a game at another league. By this time my supper had mostly set it and I had a little energy, but not enough to play decently, as was probably evident by my collapsing on the floor (in much the same matter I did on the couch and in bed earlier that day) after the match was over.

But I couldn’t let the weekend go by with me making the purchase of the century and not using the blasted thing. So I drove myself home and finally played for about 3 hours. Sunday night was one of the best sleeps I’ve had in a while. It was hard to pick myself out of bed Monday morning for work, and believe me I seriously contemplated not coming in so I could begin my massive life-long Wii experience, but I couldn’t bring myself to do so. My only saving grace: this week is Turkey Week and I have Thursday off. You can guess what I’ll be doing all day long! Nintendo ROCKS!
So I spent Saturday night at the most expensive, coldest slumber-party-with-30-or-so-complete-strangers, ever! This is the story about me and my quest (and a long quest at that) for the Nintendo Wii. Apparently this has sparked much more interest that I had originally thought, so without further ado.

My original plans for picking myself up the new Nintendo was just to go to the different stores in Altoona early Sunday morning in order of opening and stand in line for a little until I got one. Here was my proposed list: Best Buy at 9am, Circuit City and/or Toys R Us at 10am, Sears at 11am. I figured if I showed up at one of those stores a couple hours before hand, I’d be set. As the story goes, if Altoona was as disconnected from the rest of the world as most people think it is, I wouldn’t have had an issue. Unfortunately State College, PA is only about 40 minutes away and with people camping out there since Tuesday, a large population of Penn Staters (who didn't get lost on the way) found their way to the Railroad City a day before the release.

As you know I drove around town Saturday afternoon scoping out lines, which were nonexistent at that point, and store opening times. My plans were set and I was pumped. Then around 10pm Saturday evening I was chillin’ with The Neighbors at the new Barnes & Nobel (a real bookstore! In Altoona! Oh so happy this makes me.) bookstore and asked them to drive past the Best Buy just to humor me. WTF? There were people standing in line! I began to panic. “That was it,” I decided. I was driving home, grabbing my sleeping bag and pillow and hitting the stores that evening.

Since Walmart is open 24/7 in Altoona, I made it there by 1045pm for the 12am Wii release. Unfortunately they told me that they only had 29 units and there were more than 29 people in line already. Again, slightly more panic. On my way out of Walmart I glanced at the Circuit City and Target shopping centers to see huge lines and tents all around the building. I hit the gas and got myself to the new Best Buy at the new Logan Town Center as quickly as possible. I parked the car and hastily wondered toward the front door where an employee was talking to a Wii campie. BB Employee told me that the store opened at 9am Sunday morning and that Best Buy could only guarantee 15 units, but they might have more than that. There were already 19 people in line. That made me 5 units past the guarantee. It was crap-or-get-off-the-pot time. I stuck my name in the number 20 spot on the unofficial in-line list and got my sleeping bag out of my car. I was camping out on the Best Buy sidewalk.

The night started off pretty interesting. There was a diverse bunch there: three physics grad students doing their quantum mechanics homework (which was done in an Analog Electronic format if you remember those days Andy), boyfriends and girlfriends being obnoxious in their tents driving their radio controlled cars around the parking lot, a Sears employee who wasn’t allowed to buy a Wii at his workplace, some Dungeons and Dragons uber fanatics and a mass of other strangers I’ll never see again. By about 4am I was flippin’ freezing because it was 30 degrees outside and I was dead tired thanks to the obnoxious group a few people down from me. I pulled myself off the arctic concrete and walked to my car where I drove down to Sheetz to use the bathroom and get feeling back to my feet. I spent another half hour in my car with the heat blasting just staying warm before I went back out to my sleeping bag under the bright halogen lights of the store to try and catch some Zs. Finally around 5am I fell asleep.

So the plan the night before was to wake up and form our official line at 6am. Around 615am I awoke and saw no one around me. I began to panic as I grabbed a jacket and made my way to the front of the store with the rest of the crowd. We formed our official line based off of the unofficial list and awaited for a revealing of the number of actual units the store had had. By 7am we had our answer. 24! I finally showed Luck who was in charge! Now grant it we had an inside source the night before that told us just that, but it wasn’t an official word. I still like to think I grabbed Luck by the sack and whipped him around a little. Anywho so the game plan was at 8am Best Buy would hand out tickets that guaranteed a unit, to the first 24 people in line. So from 7am to 8am we continued to freeze our a**es off as we awaited for the manager autographed tickets. A few people originally like me showed up around those times to try and stand in line, but we informed them it would be a lost cause unless someone happened to have bad credit. And there I stood thinking if I wasn’t (or was depending on how you view this incident) so crazy that would be me getting rejected. So finally after about 3 completely numb toes and a frozen chin plate (I have a metal plate in my chin by the way, and it gets cold pretty fast) we got our tickets. Lucky number twenty was on mine. "SCORE!!" I texted a couple of my friends that knew I may attempt such a feat. At that time Best Buy informed us of how this would all go down. We would make a single file line and at 9am they would let us in. We would walk around a small semicircle picking out the games and accessories we wanted, then stop at the register and make our purchase. At that time they would check our ticket, and then individually escort us to our vehicle and hand the Wii over. A little extreme I thought, but with all the violence from the PS3 release, probably pretty smart on Best Buy’s part. Plus it sort of made you feel important. Even though they just saw all of us as a huge nuisance.

Once I got my ticket I jumped in my car to get warm and grabbed a coffee and Shmiscuit at Sheetz. I was back in line by 845am and was walking out the door with my Nintendo Wii (and escort) by 945am. As I drove home that day I felt like I had just had the biggest accomplishment in my entire life. Forget graduating college Magna Cum Laude with a bachelor’s degree in engineering. Forget passing the first half of the test to obtain my Professional Engineering label, forget landing a nice job at The Workplace where I can pretty much do whatever I think is best. All that junk overshadowed by an amazing retail purchase of a Nintendo Wii, extra controller and nun chuck, and the new Monkey Ball.

Don't worry there's more, but I really should do some actual work.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

PS3 Sux!I have my plan of attack for tomorrow. If you’re completely clueless about the big event that is going down tomorrow, let me clue you in. Tomorrow is the official US release of the 5th generation video game console, the Nintendo Wii. Yeah so I’m not completely sold on the name, but I love Nintendo and I’m pretty sure I’m going to love the Wii. I’ve already written about the awesomeness that is the Wii so you’ll have to check out some previous posts to find out what all the hype is about. In any event I’m not going to give you my game plan quite yet just in case some people around here try to beat me to the stores. I’ll leave it at this. I definitely have a back up for the back up and another backup after that. I checked out the stores today, found the opening times for tomorrow and made sure no one was waiting in line yet for tomorrow’s openings (I did my homework). They weren’t. This is Altoona, PA remember? Frankly I don’t anticipate anyone really camping out tonight. Maybe in the bigger cities like New York or LA, where Nintendo is sponsoring giant parties and music festivals to keep their fans entertained, but not here. But then again I could be wrong. Let’s hope I’m not. If you don’t hear from me in a while it’s because I’m sitting in front of my TV playing my new Nintendo Wii for the remainder of my free time for the rest of my life, or until the 6th generation consoles get released.

On a final note, you'll never hear me say this again, but Go Buckeyes! Boo Michigan!!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

iPod RipoffToday Microsoft is releasing their new portable MP3 player called Zune to compete with the music player powerhouse known as iPod. Personally I think Zune sounds like crap. And here is why I think so.

While the Zune will be sporting a bigger video display than the iPod, it is also twice the size. That’s the best thing about the iPod! I can stick it in pocket (even with my protective cover on it) and barely even know it’s there. The Zune, well heck who knows if you will even be able to buy a protective cover for it that isn’t stupid looking.

The music sharing capabilities of the Zune are just are stupid. While it will have integrated WiFi and you can transfer your favorite songs wirelessly to your buddies, your friends will only be able to listen to the songs 3 times before they are forced to buy the music. Frankly I think that’s retarded.

Microsoft thinks that another great feature of the Zune is that you can listen to FM radio on the beast as well as your MP3s. I think this is a brainless idea as well. Why would I want to tune in to a static-filled radio station with craploads of obnoxious commercials and a playlist with songs I don’t even want to hear when I have all the commercial free music I could ever want on the same device? Now if you could rip the songs from the radio that might be nice, but I seriously doubt that will be a feature, and even if it was, you would rip the sound of the universe (aka, static) along with the music you actually want and frankly, who really wants that?

The harddrive size on the Zune is also only 30 gig from what I hear. That’s half the size of my current iPod and they now have iPods you can buy with even more space for your songs, videos and other junk. So buy an iPod.

Finally I think a lot of people are just down right anti-Microsoft. It would appear, based off of the Zune website, that Microsoft is attempting to market this new device towards the artsie fartsie crowd. Guess what? Those people are already hooked on Apple and have been for years.

Ultimately I’m not going to buy myself a Zune. I don’t care if the new Windows Media Player will have integrated Zune support. Even more reason for me to not to buy one. Frankly I think Microsoft needs to get an original idea instead of copying other companies such as Nintendo and Apple. Maybe they should go back to developing software. In my opinion they still need to make up for that slop of an operating system they called Windows ME!

Monday, November 13, 2006

It seems like I just left work Friday afternoon and then came in the next day (which turned out to be Monday) for the new week. As Randy from American Idol would say, “Aight, so check it out dawg.” Friday I got home from The Workplace and wound up going over to my friends place for dinner where he made some great deer steaks from the giant buck he murdered the previous weekend. After that and half a movie later I was headed back for home to grab some shuteye for the volleyball tournament on Saturday. I then woke up Saturday morning nice and early and headed on down to Bedford for the tourney. About 40 kills, 12 service aces, 1 painful facial from a D-I men’s volleyball player, and a 3rd place victory later I was in my car and headed for Messiah College and a Jars of Clay concert to meet up with The Neighbors and another good friend from college.

Now the concert I thought started at 7PM and I left Bedford around 5PM giving me just enough time to arrive at Messiah just before the start, with my disgustingly sweaty and smelly self intact, however, I found out just as I was leaving the tournament that the concert didn’t start until 8PM. So I took a little side trip and broke into my friend’s house to grab a quick shower on the way down there (don’t worry, she knew I was doing that [just incase you’re concerned about me taking showers in your house without you knowing, fear not as I do tend to let people know a couple hours ahead of time]). Around 730PM I grabbed what I thought was going to be a quick burger at Sheetz which turned out to be a massive waiting game where I wound up stuffing my face with burger during my 5 minute car ride from Sheetz to Messiah.

Finally I arrived just before the concert and got to semi-sing along with one of my favorite bands. I guess I should have kept up with their albums, as I didn’t know most of their songs since the last album I listened to of theirs is about 5 years old.

Hey guess what, it’s side story time. Now since this concert was at my Alma Mater the majority of the people at the concert were in fact current college students. No big surprise to me at all. What did surprise me was that while I sat in my nice familiar chapel seat, that I spent oh so many chapels sleeping thru with my “borrowed” Lottie Nelson Cafeteria coffee mug full of pipin’ hot chocolate in one hand and my head in the other, and looked around the gymnasium I noted the sheer amount of students with their cell phones open taking pictures, or texting or what-have-you. Now I didn’t get cell service in the gym and I use one of the biggest carriers in The States (or so they say) so I can’t imagine they were all making phone calls. Now taking pictures I can semi-understand even though pictures from cell phones stink and are crappie as all get-out (the majority of people in this world don’t really care about quality for some reason), but the people texting messages for half the concert just didn’t make any sense to me. Why even come when you can sit in your nice comfy dorm chair with your laptop and the band’s latest CD playing and IM your friends for free?! I just didn’t get it. But then again I have noticed that I’m not a college student anymore and usually I tend to find most people younger than I am (the majority of which are students, and note I said most, not all) idiotic and lemming-esk1.

So back to my super-fast weekend. After the concert I grabbed a coffee at Sheetz with my friends and took off for home once again. One Breakfast Blend coffee and 34 songs on my iPod later I made it home and into bed around 2AM. Since God has a hilarious sense of humor far beyond that of my own I didn’t sleep at all that night thanks to my muscle aching body and thought-consuming mind. So at 8AM I pulled myself out of bed to get ready for the Stiller game! I met up with the other members of The Steelers Fans-tastic 4, which is now The Steelers Fans-tastic 4 Minus One Because She Moved to Alabama But That’s Okay Because We Picked Up a Great, Fun Replacement. So, yeah The Steelers Fans-tastic 4 . . . still. We made it to the game with our long underwear and heavy jackets in place under our heavy coats. Seven Kit Kats, 47 Swedish Fish, 3 giant chocolate thin mints, 2 beers and 1 Italian sandwich later we made it to our seats ready to cheer on the home team. We were a little cold during the first half, so we went inside to warm up during the third quarter. Come the top of the fourth I was ready to be back out there again to scream and shout, so we went back outside to watch the end of the game. From the beginning of the game, 213 rush yards by Fast Willie Parker, 5 Steelers touchdowns, 1 really bad Roughing The Passer call, and 31,416 verbal profanities later we were on our way back home from The Steel City. Another Italian sandwich, countless college/friend stories, 7 unfinished rounds of Deserted Island, and one Booze Bus story later, I had arrived home around 1030PM last night and stupidly decided to post my pictures from the Stillers game online (which can be found here, or on my Facebook account) which allowed me to be in bed by 1130PM.

Next thing I knew my alarm was going off and I had to be at work in less than an hour. WTF? Where did my weekend go?

1Lemmings (as in the Lemmings video game series) are small, green-haired humanoid beings that mindlessly walk en masse into any danger in their path, following the popular myth that real lemmings behave in a similarly suicidal fashion (Wikipedia).

Thursday, November 09, 2006

This week’s The Office spoiler. Don’t read this post until you’ve watched The Office this week!

Mr Poop?I don’t know if I like the direction The Office is going. For the last two seasons the TV show has been about just that, the office, The Workplace. Of course there was a little side theme there with the tension between Jim and Pam, but that’s all it was, just a side theme. That was The Office I came to know and love. The Office I could relate to, The Office I had grown up with. But now, NBC has unleashed what I like to call The Relationship Monster. Starting next week, Jim will move back to Scranton and will bring along his new hottie, Karen. Now personally I like Karen, mainly because I refuse to jump on the Jim and Pam bandwagon. In my opinion Pam had her chance and she definitely blew it. Unfortunately life is not a fairy tale and we are forced to live with our mistakes. Just because she is ridiculously attractive doesn't mean she gets 50 chances at everything in life. Had she accepted Jim’s offer last season, I would have been more than happy (listen to me talk about these people like they’re actually real; I have got to get some kind of life eventually) for the two of them.

So now after me rambling on, NBC has apparently decided that they want to get the three of them involved in some kind of love triangle. This is no longer The Workplace. I can no longer relate. Why? Because the show isn’t about the office anymore; it’s about relationships. I don’t need yet another TV show about that. So here’s the deal. While I’m not going to stop watching, I am going to tell you what the show needs to be about again. It needs to be about people “working” in the office. And by “working” I know 90% of my readers know what I mean. Remember when they had The Office Olympics? Or how about the time Jim spent the whole day moving Dwight’s desk closer and closer to the restroom? Or even the time they had a basketball competition during the afternoon? This is what “going to work” is all about. This is what real people do at work my friends. This is what I want to watch on TV. I am not a girl, nor have I been craving more shows about relationship. Nah uh. Let’s get back to the basics!

I will say this; the fact that Jim occasionally sends Dwight faxes from Dwight’s future self may have been the absolute funniest past of tonight’s episode. [Sigh.] At least it still has some real parts about The Workplace. For now anyway. So while some people read my blog and try to live vicariously thru me (you know who you are out there), I try and watch TV and live vicariously thru it. See this whole world has a sort of balance to it after all.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

So the voting booth designers and programmers listen to iPods apparently. How do I know this? My voting station today was like a big a** iPod with a big ol’ spin wheel navigator. I rotated that bad boy clockwise, and my highlighted entry scrolled down. I rotated ‘er counterclockwise and it was soaring back up again. I then clicked the giant enter button made for blind people and BOOM my selection was made. Basically I was pretty pleased with my voting experience today. Just like tuning in to the latest podcast from Scientific American. Man am I a loser or what? Don’t answer that.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Only two more days of this pre-election advertising left. In light of this news I decided that I myself would run for a local office. I’ve been working on my TV spot and came up with the following script.

(As read by James Earl Jones of course)
Do you know where your son or daughter is right now? [Other Candidate] doesn’t. He’s too concerned with raising gas prices and fighting the people fighting the war in Iraq. He doesn’t give a flying [BEEP] about your kids. James Barley does. [Other Candidate] also doesn’t give a rat’s [BEEP] about your television, or car, or house. He would rather be giving himself a pay raise so he could buy more televisions, and cars and houses. James Barley cares about that sort of crap. And when [Other Candidate] just stood by and watched as the world came to an end, James didn’t. He wasn’t standing at all. That’s an event that you need to sit down for. So why elect [Other Candidate]? He’s a Mother [BEEP], Son of a [BEEP], [BEEP] [BEEP], [BEEP] Head. And that’s just uncalled for. James is none of that, and he cares about you as is clearly evident by this commercial. So don’t you be a [BEEP] Head too. Vote for James Barley, biatch.

Paid for by people who don’t even know they are giving money for this commercial.

Of course there would be real pictures of me holding babies and forged pictures of Other Candidate smoking cigars, burning flags and kissing "Women of the Street" slowly progressing thru the background. Should blend right in with the rest of the ads out there and is just as informative. I think anyway.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

So I met one of the candidates for PA State Senate today. And by meet I mean was introduced to, and shook hands. Not one of those stand-50-feet-away-and-the-guy-indirectly-waves-to-you kind of meet. It's my guess that The Workplace is supporting his candidacy as I was introduced to him during his personal tour of The Workplace. John Eichelberger is the man of conversation here. With only hearing negative ad campaigns on TV from the candidates that I tend to mostly tune out, the only thing I can gather from this fellow is that he would most likely be Republican, since The Workplace would be endorsing him. So in light of that whole thing I decided that I didn't know squat about the upcoming elections so I set out to find some more information on the candidates that would actually be informative, unlike the TV and radio ads.

Enter Project Smart Vote. This site appears to be geared toward a person of just my inquiry. Here you can give your 9 digit zip code and it will give you a list of all the candidates running in your area with tons of information about each one. I'm still not ruling out voting only for the Independents this election year, but maybe this site may help persuade me with a little more insight into who these people actually are and why they feel the need to verbally abuse one another and think that’s cool. It’s my guess that John Kerry is just now discovering you can’t just go around verbally assaulting people. Even if he was just trying to make a joke (Ha, yeah right).

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

UsHave you ever noticed how much we as humans mimic Nature? Or maybe it’s more along the lines of Nature mimicking us. All you have to do is look to the trees. During part of the year they are filled with a thick display of impenetrable green. They are so full and lustrous, but no one really takes notice. That is until they begin to change. We begin to see something we had missed before, color and indifference. Then suddenly they are bare, fully exposed to the world and all its intensity. And they are criticized and ridiculed. However, over time they begin to grow, stronger than before, and they become covered, content and magnificent yet once again. All this only to occur again and again throughout their entire lives. Until they die. And for a while, they are remembered for all that they had done. But over time their presence slowly wilts and decays until they are nothing but a minuscule void within a see of existence. Fear not though, because some day from that void will spring new life and once again the cycle will repeat. Isn’t it amazing what the world has to teach us, if we are willing to learn?

On a side note, I find this pretty ironic. My Quotes of the Day RSS feed from The Quotations Page today read, “All is in the hands of man. Therefore wash them often. - Stanislaw J. Lec (1909 - 1966), ‘Unkempt Thoughts’”
What Chicks Aspire to Be . . .I refuse to believe anything except that the fact that the sole reason chicks dig Halloween is because they think it gives them a legitimate excuse to dress up like tramps (I have countless pictures from this year’s parties and past of friends [all mostly female] doing just this) without having to explain themselves. Not that I’m complaining here, it just fascinates me that this is what women secretly aspire to be. Because, lets face it, when you pick out a costume for Halloween you pick something that you “want to be.” I want to be Batman, ergo I pick up a Batman costume and I’m on my way. All chicks, they apparently desire to be sluts, whores, and devil sex puppets, so they go out (or dig into their closets that contain thousands of secret hooker clothes that they don’t let on exist when really they go home and don them after a rough day at work because they like it) and get themselves a “costume.” Now, I know I just exposed a huge secret that women have been trying to hide for years, but let’s face it, this isn’t news to anyone. Neither is the fact that when you claim you’re having “slumber parties,” you’re actually having pillow fights in your underwear and naughty group showers. Like I said before, this really isn’t news to anyone.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Right now the song Here It Goes Again by OK Go is playing on my Sirius satellite radio. Most of you know this song as the now infamous music video of the dudes jumping treadmills like a pack of wild monkeys supped up on Ecstasy and Viagra. This sort of irritates me as I particularly don’t find the song that great, but because so many people heard the darn song from YouTube, They (does anybody body really know who this universal They is anyway? They are apparently in control of every single thing in this universe) decide to play it on the radio. The song isn’t what’s good. The video is good. I’m not watching the video when I listen to the song on the radio.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

So you’ve probably heard of The Booze Cruise (made infamous by that episode of The Office in season 2), but Tuesday I went on The Booze Bus to Baltimore. So check this out, the past few days Rockwell Automation has been having their annual automation conference where thousands of people from all over the world come and gather, exchange and display project ideas, pretend like they are the smartest people ever, and give hand on labs and lectures regarding the latest in automation technology. So our distributor of Allen Bradley products took a few of us down to Baltimore to join the “festivities.” These are the actual events that took place during this three-day “business” adventure.

So our coach bus left Ebensburg around 3PM on Tuesday headed for Baltimore. About 5 minutes into the drive one of the guys in the back of the bus yells, “Who wants some beer?” Here the group from Pittsburgh brought 3 cases of beer with them to make the trip go quicker. Our whole bus group consisted of about 20 people (somehow there were 23 people on the bus on the way down, but only 19 on the way back. I don't quite understand that, but oh well, I'm not one of the four that may or may not be super upset). So the whole flippin’ bus partied all the way down to MD. Then Tuesday night we checked into our hotel, unpacked and got back on the bus to go to Cheers, a sports bar and grill, where it was CED-paid-for all you can eat and drink until 10PM. So me, and and a few other members of The Booze Bus started the evening with beers. And then moved on to more beers, at which point I then moved on to hard liquor, and then more hard liquor and more hard liquor and the next thing you know, it’s time to leave. The bus ride home was entertaining as the whole flippin’ bus was hammered!

So wake up time came pretty early there in Baltimore, especially for some members of our group who were unable to get themselves out of bed and down the hotel stairs. Another group member nearly threw up on the way to the conference, but eventually everyone caught up with each other Wednesday afternoon at the fair exhibits. So Wednesday evening we were wined and dined at Camden Yards (yeah that’s right, the ball park). There we had a tour of the ballpark and got to step onto the field and enter the dugout. Also of course we drank, and drank, and then came back to the hotel and drank some more.

Now the trip back was its own adventure, but let’s flashback to Wednesday morning though first. Our hotel was approximately 17 miles from the convention center and we were told we had to take the train to get there, as our bus would not be making the trip. However we opted to get on The German Bus that was on it’s way to the same convention center from our hotel. Who were these Germans in suites on the bus? We have no idea, but it was free and it worked.

So lets get back to the trip from Camden to our hotel. We were supposed to take the train back to our hotel from the ballpark, however we opted to hop on The Syracuse Bus that, low and behold was on its way back to our same hotel. Since we heard the train took about 1.5 hours to get back, and there may be approximately 3 white people on board, there wasn’t much of an option. So we pretend we were from Syracuse and began to make our way back. Then we missed our exit on the highway so we turned around, at which point we missed it again coming back. After about an hour we pasted a road sign that read, “Camden Yards next exit.” WTF! We were going in a flippin’ circle! So then we stopped at a gas station where some guys caught a smoke and bought some Nowalators (which apparently were 50 cents, but used to be 5 cents when they were in school). The bus driver then got off the bus and just started walking around. Sweet mother! We just wanted to get back to the hotel! So we beeped the horn and hollered for everyone to get back on the bus (keep in mind, we are just stowaways on this bus). So they got back on and finally after an hour and a half of driving, and stopping and driving again, we made it back to the hotel.

Once back we, of course drank some more. Are you kidding me?! I thought this was going to be a job function affair? It turned out to be The Booze Bus Party of the Century! It had been quite some time since I had that much to drink in two nights.

So now we’re sitting on The Booze Bus making our way back to PA as I’m typing this. Half the bus is hung over and the other half is talking about trains that don’t have steering wheels. Oh yeah, I did get see some booths and junk at the fair, but all I kept thinking about was, “I can’t believe people couldn’t get out of bed this morning!” And then of course I would laugh out loud to what other people there must have only perceived as me being retarded.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Let’s talk about hand washing since it apparently was the topic of conversation this past Homecoming weekend. In my opinion, at least 95% of the people that wash (or warsh as some people ‘round here say) their hands after going to the bathroom do so incorrectly. This makes me upset because people complain about me not washing my hands at all (only after going #1) when really these people aren’t doing anything worse than myself (though I will argue in a little as to why there is no need to the excessive hand wash). Properly washed hands should be done so by wetting the hands first and working up a rather and being sure to wash all areas of the hand including the fingers, palms, back of the hand, finger nails and wrists for at least 20 seconds. Then the hands should be thoroughly rinsed and dried. Finally the kicker is using a paper towel to turn the water off. Of course you can use the waterless hand sanitizer instead of soap as long as you continue to rub your hands until they are dry, for it is the alcohol in these products that kills the germs not the friction of rubbing your hands together as some have you believe. This is true for soaps too, just not the alcohol part but the fact that they have other bacteria killing ingredients.1

So the reality that 95% of people don’t actually do this (most people I witness at The Workplace wash for approximately 8 to 10 seconds and barely cover their hands in soap) is really no worse than me not washing my hands. My argument for not washing my hands is this. As soon as people touch the water faucet after washing, or the door handle for that matter, all the germs that they just fought so long to get rid of are back on their hands. Also I’ll have all my readers know that down there is one of the most cleanest areas of the male body. It typically is washed once a day and is protected the entire day by on average, two layers of comfortably worn cotton. In most cases that area does not handle such bacteria infected material as money, food, garbage, or even snot for that matter. So why would I need to wash my hands after handling such a sanitary device? I don’t, especially if I don’t touch the flusher with my hands (nor do I head-butt the flusher either).

Let’s face it. Germs are everywhere on everything! Probably some of the germiest things you touch everyday are money, and get this Corporate America, your computer keyboards and mice. Ewe! Because honestly when was the last time you washed those at work? And if people are leaving giant turds on the bathroom floor for the innocent and naive to come across, I can almost guaranty that those same people are secretly wiping their naked bottoms on your keyboard and thinking, “This was just as fun as when I did this in college!”

1 WebMD

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Ahhh the season of Fall (or Autumn as people that like to use big words call it) is upon us. How can you tell? Of course there are the changing leaves, the cooler temperatures, and fading daylight, but there are many other things that point to the changing season as well.
  1. Baseball season ever so slowly comes to end and the world unites to watch the Yankees lose another playoff series once again. Yeah, that never really gets old.
  2. Football becomes the Sunday pastime as most people now worship to the likes of Pastor Terry Bradshaw, and Father Dan Marino. Of course in the background worship music is playing to the beat of “Listen to the Wife Yell at Things Not Getting Done Around the House.” That’s one of my favorite hymns by the way.
  3. Those effin leaves get all over the effin place. Mostly in your car and down your socks. I don’t even know how the eff that is possible!
  4. Suddenly it looks like everyone chews Dentyne Ice, even though some people’s breath still reek of wet diaper. What’s up with that?
  5. You know those new obnoxious and stupid TV shows on the major networks? Ha, not for long.
  6. Apple Pie. ‘Nough said.
  7. Tidal waves of scary flicks hit the theaters and DVD, mostly stuff that nobody will ever plan on going to see unless they smoke crack while downing bottles of Pepto Bismol. In other words, you people are some weird biatches.
  8. Homecomings all around! This is where you go back and pretend like you cared about high school and/or college and the people you went there with. Well, okay, just the sports. I hate soccer! You would give me kiss . . .
  9. It’s cranky time at work! When was the last time you went to work and didn’t end up yelling at The Boss that he’s on crack and needs to suck it up and be a man or losing your cool and inadvertently advertising to The Workplace that you’ve had enough and decided that the circus was run better and offered better pay. Yeah that was The Summer you crazy mofo.
  10. People seem to drive just a little bit slower! And darn it if I didn’t get behind that darn Camero AGAIN on my home from work. What the eff are these people looking at? Take a picture kiddies, and get yourself some leg muscles that can actually push down on the accelerator. Sweet sassy malaisey.
Enjoy the season you sexy trunk monkeys.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Let's Go PSU!So the Penn State game this weekend . . . AWESOME! Of course it was made oh so much better by me being there. Boo Yah! Jenn, Curt and I got there around 230PM armed with a crap load of burgers, beer, chips and dip and wine (for the sister of course). The weather was a little cool, but it didn’t stop us from partying with the crowds. One of the guys a few cars down from us had the best shirt ever. It read, “F$#! Michigan and the Wolverine they rode in on!” on the back and “F$#! Michigan” in the front. You can’t really beat that. Of course it was a whiteout so we all had our white/grey State Gear. But since Curt had five layers of hunting gear before he put his shirt on, he looked like a man with the biggest love handles EVER so Jenn refused to let him walk into the stadium dressed like that. Jenn didn’t wear her white to avoid looking like the Pillsberry dough boy (she was going to wear her shirt over her winter jacket), so I was the only one left participating with my hat and t-shirt.

So before eating we walked around the stadium a few times. I tried to find my buddy Nevling, but after two phones calls and sorting thru 200,000 people I didn’t have any luck finding him. So we went back and ate our burgers (in the car of course because it was getting rather chilly outside and windy). Luckily by game time the wind had died down and we took off to enter Beaver Stadium. We walked in and came to halt as the Wolverines made their way to the field (Curt and I booed them all the way). During this process we got trapped between two fences. We were trapped like a fat boogie in a tissue. Once the gate started to open all hell broke loose. People just started pushing and shoving and it was mass chaos. Luckily we made it out alive, short of breath thanks to some lungs collapsing under the pressure and me groping 10 people as my hand got stuck down somewhere below my waste and near oh too many people’s crotches quite unwillingly.

So we made it to our seats with plenty of time to spare. The rest of the game can be summed up in the next sentence. Penn State played crappy until the last 5 minutes when there was actual excitement but they couldn’t pull off another victory in the last 2 minutes. But the game was a blast and the loudest I’ve ever been too. I was one of 110,007 fans in the stadium that day. The second largest in Beaver Stadium history! My voice was pretty much dead by the end of the game with me yelling the whole time, but that’s what game day is all about.

So the day ended when we finally got out of the parking lot an hour after we made it to our car and fought the traffic almost all the way home. As Mastercard would say:

One hour drive to State College: $10
All the tailgating necessities; beer, chips, burgers, wine: $40
Three hour drive home from State College: $15
Having the time of your life with your favorite sister and brother-in-law in Beaver Stadium at the Whiteout of 2006: Priceless!

Of course if you want to view the pictures, just click here.

Monday, October 09, 2006


We all go thru these rough times in our lives when it’s just not even worth getting out of bed in the morning. If it’s not your job, it’s your friends, and if it’s not your friends, it’s your family and if it’s not one of those things it’s all of them. I’ve had days like that; many in fact. More than I’d like to remember and I can almost guarantee that I’ll have more in my life to come. Time’s when there is no light, only darkness. Times when there is no joy, only sorrow. Times when there is no somebody else, only loneliness. And it’s rough, really rough when you’re halfway thru the tunnel and still can’t see the light at the end. And it’s in times like this that it seems that there is no hope for the world, no hope for humanity, no hope for you. But fear not. For if you can persevere and find that glimmer of light in the pit of despair, if you can track down that droplet of hope frozen in the endless stairwell, Peace will eventually find you. And when it does you will no longer worry about the past and all that it entailed. All you will see is a clear horizon ahead of the crystal clear clam ocean, ready to sail you off to wherever you want to go. All you have to do is seek and never stop. For there will always be someone there for you.

Friday, October 06, 2006

So a co-worker and I were reminiscing about the early computer era today to pass the time at The Workplace. You know, back in the days when there were no mice, no harddrives (you needed a boot disk), and minimum color. The conversation then progressed to old school video games like Tetris, Pong, and Super Mario Bros. Then, of course one of the best old computer games came up. Who could possibly forget, the super, the wonderful, the highly addicting Oregon Trail. In case you forgot how the game went, here is a brief rundown.

I want to be a banker from Boston. Hey I’m married! Let’s name my kids. Time to shop. “I’ll take 4 oxen, 500lbs of food, 10 pieces of clothing an extra wagon wheel and of course, a whole slew of bullets!” Time to leave. You past a tombstone, would you like to read it? You have come to a river, would you like to cross? You lost a wheel, would you like to replace it? Julie has yellow fever. Rest. You came to another river, “I’ll hire an Indian to help me across.” Oops, your ferry broke; you loose 5 pairs of pants. Sally has malaria. Rest. John has typhoid. Rest. Philbert has a snake bite. REST REST!! You have no food. Time to hunt. Bang you got a buffalo. Bang you got a bear. Bang you got a dear. Fred has a broken leg. Fred has died. You lost a wheel. You will need to trade for a new wheel. Will trade for bullets. Will trade for clothes. Will trade for oxen. Bang you got a bear. You trade 4 sets of clothes and two oxen for a wagon wheel. Julie has a cold. REST!! Julie has died. You attempt to ford the river. You loose 2 oxen and 10 boxes of bullets. Congratulations! You have made it to Oregon. You have a new high score. Please type your name. Do you want to play again?

Ahh the good old days!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

My Life CurrentlyI feel like my life is currently in some sort of limbo these days. To be perfectly honest, it’s going no where fast. Not that that’s a bad thing. I mean since I moved here and started this blog I really haven’t had too many major life changes in that time. Sure there have been some changes at The Workplace since I started, and I’ve made (and lost) some good friends along the way, but really, I’ve gotten no where, done nothing great. My life these days pretty much revolves around work, and volleyball and the people I know within each ring. There has been no attempt at moving, no attempt at trying something new (like a new career, not that I want one, but I do enjoy learning about whatever I can), some attempts at relationships of course, but definitely no attempt at any major change. I guess in the grand scheme of things three years of my life is a pretty short time to expect change (a mere 3% of my personal total life expectancy), but I’m still in the early post-college era and am used to all the change that occurred in the four years of college life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty darn satisfied with my life right now. I come and go as I please, I’m not tied down by anything or anyone, physically I’m in the best shape of my life, but most importantly I’ve got some really great friends that would do anything for one another. I’m slowly becoming the big fish in the pond, which I like. I’m familiar with that (as that is the whole point of the big fish/small pond analogy). But sort of like college, when I get to be the big fish, will I again seek out (or stumble upon in my case) a bigger pond? I don’t know. Life sort of has a way of taking care of Itself. At least in my experience it does anyway. It’s the quote I live by, “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.” Yogi Berra the baseball player said that by the way, not Yogi Bear, who loved to take peoples’ picnic baskets (who is probably best known for his quote, “I’m smarter than the average bear.” Most often than not however he seemed to overestimate his own cleverness). And if the Road I’m on right now happens to be going in circles in the middle of the woods then so be it. The Road will lead me out eventually. And until them I am quite satisfied listening to the birds chirp, the wind rustling thru the leaf-filled trees, and the afternoon sun slowly making its way towards the horizon while glistening thru the timber.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Asinine idea right here!If you’ve eaten at Subway within the last year or so you would know that their sub stamp program is no more. You remember how these worked. For every six inches of sub you ordered, you got a Subway stamp. After you collected ten stamps you got free six inches of sub (for those of you that are math inclined, you could look at it as buy 10 subs, get one free, but only if you remembered where you kept your Club Card and dared to lick those repulsive stamps). So now that they have finally fazed that out they went to a new magnetic swipe club card that you can store points, or keep cash on. “Okay” I thought when I first learned about this. “This sounds like a good idea. No more licking ghastly stamps that have had a number of unknown handlers.” So when I got the chance a couple months ago, I picked up my new card, had the sandwich artist swipe it and thus earned some subway points. A few months later I was at a different Subway and tried to get some more points on my card. Low and behold they had absolutely no idea what this new club card was. So of course, they didn’t swipe it. A little later that month at yet a different Subway, I attempted to get some points yet again. While this store knew of the new cards, it didn't do anything with them yet except hand them out (yeah a lot of flippin’ good that does). Then finally tonight at yet another Subway I tried one more time to get more points added to my card only to be told that this Subway only uses the cash-store feature and does not offer points for subs purchased.

Okay, now it is rant-and-rave time. This whole concept of the new Subway card is completely and utterly asinine! While the model is good, it makes absolutely no sense for different Subways to honor the card in diverse ways. Why the crap would anybody want that? The whole point of these things is to encourage people to eat at Subway more with rewards. All it makes me want to do is remove the blasted thing from my wallet because clearly the only thing it is good for is taking up space and annoying the crap out of me. The fact that anyone would find such an inconsistent system useful, or even noteworthy is just completely unreasonable and preposterous. If Subway only wants to the use this new card in one way, then so be it, but at least be unswerving with the notion. Frankly I would rather pull a dead, featherless bird from a smelly corpse’s hand than I would to present the brainless Subway card at yet a different Subway only to be embarrassed by yet a completely different chronicle as to how the card works at THAT particular store. While Jon Lovitz has encouraged me to "JUST EAT THE SANDWICH!" it makes me wonder why he has yet to mention this wonderful new club card . . .

Sunday, October 01, 2006

So apparently most people assume that MySpace is only made for teenagers and sexual predators. Let me disagree with that assumption and explain why. First of all, yes I have a MySpace account, and no I am not a sexual predator, nor am I a teenager. So why do I have one? For a couple reasons. First, it lets me keep in touch with people from my past, like high school buddies and neighbors without me having to track down a phone number or mailing address. I can just go online and wonder, “Huh, I wonder what my good friend from high school has been up to.” And boom, there it is. In a sense yes it’s being nosey, but in another sense it’s just trying to keep up with people who were at one time, or still are, involved in my life. It’s just like everything else where if someone doesn’t understand something, they are hesitant to think it’s good. A prime example of this was the beginning of the Internet (if you can remember that time). At first everyone said, “Oh no, you can’t trust what you find on the Internet. It’s not accurate. People just make stuff up there.” Now people don’t think twice about the information they search for. It just took time for the majority of people to use it and form an understanding of it. The same is true for online communities. Most people don’t understand it, so it must be a bad thing.

These sites are not just for predators, they are for everyone (but not for everyone to be predators)! I can check out a friend’s picture, leave them short messages, and even track down other friends thru them. Sure that could be a bad thing to the wrong people, but so can cars, chemicals and even air planes. And we still have those around and people are still using them and not obsessing about how dangerous they are.

So I encourage you Myspace-phobes to test it out and see what these things are all about. You may just meet up with some people you completely forgot about. But don’t be an idiot and create an account just to look at other’s accounts (you know who you people are). That’s called stalking. Want to find out about that old boyfriend or girlfriend of yours, well why not return the favor and let them find out about you. That’s what the Internet is all about. It’s a free trade of pure information. So why not add your two cents worth?

Saturday, September 30, 2006

C'est Moi.So I finally got myself hooked up with a Facebook account. It took months and months of patients, but Facebook finally opened its doors to non-collegiate email addresses. This wouldn’t have been a big issue had Messiah College offered its alumni, email accounts. By the way, I wrote them a letter stating they should do so. Now it appears a lot of the Facebook community is upset because of this allowance of random people into their community. While they do have a right to gripe, they should also understand that there have been some of us trying to get in for quite some time, but our college or university was just not helpful enough to comply with the rest of the world. Sure MC wants to take my money, even more so now that I am an alum, but why not offer something back in return?

Anywho, so since I’ve made a Facebook profile, I have come the conclusion that I have absolutely littered myself all over the internet (but the one that Al Gore did NOT invent). Between The Blogger, The MySpace, The YouTube, The Riya, and now The Facebook, a stalker (I know of two that exist today) could easily find out anything they want to know about me, including past relationships, videos and pictures from college, my interest, my job. Heck I bet if someone looked hard enough they could even find my mailing address.

I haven’t decided if all this free information available to anyone who wants it is a good idea yet or not. Right now I do think it’s a good thing though. I have nothing to hide about my life and I am still able to keep parts of my life secretive as I am in control of the information out there. So if you want to join the crew and stalk me, or just find out what I’ve been up to the past 6 years, just look me up. I’m “On The Net.”

Monday, September 25, 2006

Yes, the rumors you have heard are true. It was the best Jamesapalooza ever! We’re talking chicks in the pool in their underwear, chicks making out in the bathroom (supposedly), dudes downing yards of beer, people searching for their shoes (yet again), and the list could continue on and on. Is there video? Perhaps. Will it find it’s way to the Internet? I’m sure. Eventually. But not anytime soon.

And that’s all I have to say about that. Okay I have more. Right now I’m sitting here watching the football game with 3 other participants of Jamesapalooza and we’ve been recapping events all day. Events such as “Where’s Kelly?” and “Jamie’s and A** HOLE!” and “You’ve got hot chicks making out in your bathroom!” and “Mumble mumble mumble SMOKE!” Okay, now I’m done.

So my gripe this month is people who drive expensive, high performance sport cars and refuse to go the speed limit. And by that, I’m not talking too fast. I was behind a brand spankin’ new white Mustang last night for 15 minutes going an average of 45 MPH on a 55 MPH state road. A week agao I was behind a gorgeous new silver Corvette, and we were going about 35 in a 45 zone. And worse yet is every other day I get behind a Camero leaving work going about 45 in a 55 where I like to go 70. What’s the deal here? If I could afford such a car, surely I could afford the speeding tickets I’d be racking up going way over the speed limit. So here’s the deal people. Drive a fast car, drive fast. Because my 2004 Chevy Cavalier should NOT be tailing and pushing you down route 36.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Math is NOT gay!I’ve been waiting months and months for the premiere of season 3 of The Office. Let me tell you, it did not disappoint! Incase you missed it, here’s a brief, but oh so funny rundown.

The show opened up with three main themes. Theme #1: Jim transferred to the Stanford branch. Theme #2: Pam got cold feet and wound up breaking it off with Roy 3 days before the wedding. Theme #3: Michael discovers that Oscar is gay and pretty much freaks out and in the process, outs Oscar. Just to give you a taste without spoiling stuff, here are some of my favorite quotes. Of course I can’t remember the exact wording, but this should do.

Michael: “You don’t call a retarded person, a retard. That's poor taste. You call your friends retards when they are acting retarded.”

Creed: “I’m not offended by it. Back in the 60’s I made love to many many women! Most of it outdoors. Usually in the rain and mud. It's possible a man may have slipped in there. There's really no way of knowing.”

Andy (new character): “Who put my calculator in Jell-O? No seriously who did this? Anybody? Seriously. Because if no one speaks up I might just loose my FREAKIN' MIND! [in the mists of kicking the trashcan to the moon]!” (Jim quickly looses his smile and stares seriously at his computer screen, avoiding eye contact.)

Jim: “Ah yes. The GAYDAR. I think Sharper Image sells those. Let me check their website.” [Jim hits some keys on his computer stupidly only so Dwight and Michael can hear him type] “Nope. It looks like they are all sold out. Sorry.”

Michael: “Hey look. There’s Oscar’s roommate Gill. I wonder if he knows . . .?”

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Ahh it was another great weekend down at Rehoboth Beach. I picked up two first place “trophies”, two undefeated tournament victories, and yet unfortunately, still no hot chicks. But let me tell you, they were all over the stinkin’ place! Again, stupid me I missed all the hot make out sessions at the Frogg Pong (you know the drill about clubs to avoid in Rehoboth Beach, nothing with animals or colors in the name will be straight clubs). We checked the place out Friday night but all that was there were a butch chicks and unidentifiable genders, and of course a great band. Saturday night I opted to stay in, and I’m told there were hot chicks making out all over the place there (with each other obviously). Darn my friends for not calling to tell me to get my little a** down there! But anywho, you can check both of my victories out here once they post it. Oh, you can also check out my photos from the weekend here. Sorry, no hot chicks making out there either.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Since everyone else is telling their story, I might as well tell mine. September 11, 2001. It must have been either a Tuesday or Thursday morning as I recall having an 8 o’clock class before chapel. Ooh I hated those things (by that I mean both 8 o’clocks and chapels). Anywho, on my way to chapel my friend Stuckey had told me that someone had flown a plane into the World Trade Center. At the time I remember thinking, “What an idiot. Last time a plane was flown into a skyscraper it didn’t do a whole lot of damage.” I of course am referring to the 1945 incident where a B-25 crashed into the Empire State Building. It wasn’t too long into chapel when my nap was interrupted by an announcement that a second plane had crashed into the second building. At this point I realized that this wasn’t just some idiot in a plane. Something serious was going on.

I remember sitting in my next class right after chapel watching the CNN broadcast of the buildings falling down, and then of course more news came in about the planes at the Pentagon and Somerset County. Mt professor let us out shortly there after as no one was really in the mood for class. I walked out of the classroom and down the hall watching students stare at the TVs still as statues in disbelief. I myself hadn’t yet come to an understanding as to what was going on. A few other classes were cancelled that day and I wound up spending lunch and hours there after just trying to comprehend the madness going on. Students were angry and trying to call home frantically. In the meantime I remember thinking, “Why is it such a big deal for this to happen to our country, yet acts of terrorism go on every day in other countries without a word being said?”

I don’t recall if I talked to my parents or not that day. I can’t imagine that I didn’t. The shear amount of emotions just overwhelmed me. It overwhelmed everybody. Anger at those that would do such a thing, compassion for those that lost friends and family members, hopelessness, sympathy, fear, all these feelings just brewing inside each and every one of us. It’s why we remember events like this one, or the Kennedy Assassination, or the Challenger Explosion. How do you forget such an overpowering experience?

As the days went on my emotions got the better of me. I had a huge test to study for that week in Analog Electronics (an impossible course let me tell you) and I couldn’t focus for more than 5 minutes. At night I’d lie awake for hours in the dark, in my bed, praying and crying (yes I cried, I’m a big softy I know. Don’t hold it against me) for those that had lost loved ones. It was all I could do in a time when I was useless to those suffering.

But time moved on. We moved on. Now all you can do is look back and remember. Remember the emotions that were stirred, the friends that were made, the people that were lost, the thoughts that taught us that we as a people were not invincible. Tragic events will never come to end. There will always be another act of terrorism, another natural disaster, another war, another death and all we can ever do, is just continue on and drive forward. Because without that drive, what’s the point in continuing on?

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Does anyone else actually care for those stupid little beads that come in most of the liquid soaps these days? I don’t get it. They annoy the heck out of me and I can hardly find a descent masculine scent without them. Frankly I don’t see what kind of purpose they serve, other than they make me rinse ten times longer to get the little buggers off my skin and out of my crevasses. There is no way those rocks are cleansing my skin any better than liquid soap without them would. It’s just an asinine selling ploy for stupid people who believe that Gillette’s Mach3 micro-vibrating razor will shave closer than their non-vibrating Mach3 razor. I should be in marketing if the best marketers can do is come up with dense ideas like that that ordinary folk will believe. Hey buy this new shampoo that has crumbled pits of paper in it that add fiber to your hair! Give me your money idiots of the world!

Now I know what you’re thinking. To avoid all of this I could just use bar soap, but to be honest I really hate washing myself with my own filth on a block of animal fat day in and day out.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

I recently read an article from the Bucks County Courier Times outside of Philadelphia, PA. The article was entitled “Head for the Hills” and discussed where a good vacation spot would be if a Philadelphian were looking to take a vacation. Normally this wouldn’t have interested me, however the vacation spot of choice was, you guessed it, Altoona, PA, The Railroad City!

Can you believe it? Most people that live here are trying to get out, and Philadelphians are being encouraged to visit? I had to read on, and while this might surprise you, I found nothing in the article that would make me want to visit here if I didn’t live here.

The article opens up with a beautiful ginormous aerial picture of Racetown Lake, which had to have been edited to reflect crystal blue water and such a vibrant green tree line. The first number of paragraphs pointed out the railroad aspect of the city. Focusing on such features as Horseshoe Curve, a “monument to master builders who tamed the great Appalachian Front for the Main Line of the Pennsylvania Railroad” and the Incline Plane in Johnstown, PA. Altoona is described as “bustling with shopping centers, restaurants and hotels built within the last 10 years or so.” I mean seriously, who really wants to go see that when anyone can get that in his or her own hometown? I-99 was given credit for bringing in outsiders allowing for growth in everything from minor league baseball to (and this is one of my favorite drawing attractions) “any chain restaurant you can think of, from Applebee’s to Uno Chicago Grill.” This is just what I despise about the Railroad City. I’m more into finding small, unknown local restaurants than all the big chains. That I know of, only a few exist that don’t have scary, 8-toothed waitresses working there. Another selling point in the article was the CDs one could purchase at the local Circuit City. Ooooooh buddy!

I will admit that the numerous state parks and outdoor activities do sound interesting, such as activities that Canoe Creek and Wilmore Dam have to offer. However if you live in the area you know that Lakemont and DelGrosso’s Amusement Parks are really a stretch to be called, “amusing.” The author’s favorite aspect of the city is the sheer amounts of antiques one can obtain. A favorite spot was the gigantic Leighty’s Flea Market that any well traveled Altoonian would know spans 29 acres of poor, crowded, gun displaying filth. Somehow the Tea Merchant 101 found a spot in the article. While I have heard of it, but have yet to go there, the article did actually make me want to check it out. If you’re curious you can find it just around the corner of the Comfort Inn near John Stuckey Ford.

While the sheer fact that someone would want to come to this town for vacation just baffles me, the fact that Philadelphians are being encouraged to is even more humorous to me. I mean don’t get me wrong, I enjoy living here, but if I was from a big city and wanted to “head for the hills” it wouldn’t be to the Railroad City, but more towards Lake Tahoe or somewhere like that.

If you have connections, you find the article in the August 12, 2006 edition of the Bucks County Courier Times on pages 1B and 3B. And just incase you found this blog entry even remotely interesting (which I too would find hard to believe), you can find out more information on tourism in the area online at

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

So I made it thru the wedding. Of course I didn’t know a soul there as I sat in the very back in front of a bunch of people my age that obviously knew each other and most likely went to school with the bride. The church was quite fancy and traditional and I wasn’t quite sure where the hymnals were that the reverend kept referring too. But that was okay. I couldn’t really hear what the heck was going on. Would it have been rude to bring my iPod in with me during a wedding? Looking back on it, I probably would venture to say, “Abso-frickin’-lutely!”

So I got me a nice little piece of paper with the directions to the reception after we were all dismissed. Ha! Like I knew where the heck I was going. Plus I was pretty sure the poorly drawn map was actually a mirror reflection of what it should have been; at least half of it anyway. So I made it to the country club where the reception was at. I follow signs that read, “Valet Only” (as those were the only signs that were visible) which brought me right in front of the doors. Now my dad informed me that this was a very very upscale place. Who the crap was I impressing!? No one of course so while the valet dude (and he was a dude by the way) looked at me thru my car window as I slowed down, I gave a nice little smile and drove on thru like I was part of the valet team and was parking a car. Brother did that work! I parked my own vehicle and walked right up to the doors from the parking lot. As I have discovered in the past, if you look like and portray you belong, people will accept that as the truth. Oh there is so much you can learn thru observation!

So I entered the country club and was quite aware that I was definitely NOT dressed like anyone else. And by that I mean I was not in a dark suit, but a new pair of semi-worn kakis, a silver-bluish button shirt and matching tie. So I walked over to the bar and helped myself to a nice free beer and a few h’orderves. After standing around knowing precisely no one for about 25 minutes waiting for my friend, Steph to get back from her picture shoot, the groom’s uncle and aunt approached me and uttered the following, “So you’re standing here all by yourself, not talking to anyone. What’s your story?” A little shocked at their directness, but not insulted, I explained to them my “story” and was pretty sure they felt a little sorry for me (as they really should have been, but frankly I was quite happy people watching) and they eagerly said they’d introduce me to some other people there my age. I’m sure Aunt was singing, “Match maker match maker make me a match” in her mind throughout all of this as that is what women do.

So I’m introduced to Meg. Meg went to high school with Steph, or so she thought. Turns out it was really one of Steph’s older sisters. Anywho, I got to know Meg a little and she took me to be introduced to her mom and Mom’s friend. Meg’s husband was currently MIA as I learned he didn’t speak English very well (this was evident later on when I finally met Meg’s Husband), not that that had anything to do with him being absent. Then finally Steph showed up and introduced me to some of her closer friends. Enter Sandy. Sandy is a graying, red haired, school teacher from Baltimore. A riot this one is, not to mention her drunken mother. Sandy wasn’t graying because of her age (she is my age after all) but more so because of her stressful job. Sandy came with her partner Jenn who is a software engineer. Unfortunately it seemed she worked for a government contractor so she couldn’t talk too much about what she did but we did enjoy some good nerdy discussions.

Finally it was time to sit down and luckily Sandy and Jenn were at my table, lucky #16. Somehow it turns out that I am always at the fun table at weddings. You know they type; the table makes fun of all the other tables and laughs most of the time. Hmmm, maybe it’s me that does that. Anywho, after about 3 speeches and 2 blessings later we finally got our food. It wasn’t bad, steak, fish, some kind of magical potato that was already mashed on the inside. The fish was spread with what we decided to call, Green. Just, Green. No idea what it was, or what it tasted like, but it wasn’t bad. So finally another couple speeches later we got desert, Sandy sneaked me some Bailey’s for my coffee and we had a good time. The band lead singer looked exactly like Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing so we tried to get him to sing Hungry Eyes. I don’t think he got the joke, but he wouldn’t play the song anyway. During dancing I got know Amanda a little better (Steph’s friend who took her from the mall earlier that day) or mostly that she really seemed to enjoy dancing. I also learned I’m one of the only people that knows the words to One Week, you know the Chickity China, the Chineese Chicken song by Bare Naked Ladies.

So countless drinks later (not by me, but by Steph and Amanda) it was time to go. At least that’s what the wedding people said. I guess you could say we closed the place. From there we headed to a hotel bar when people enjoyed yet another round of drinks. There Amanda and Steph decided they had enough of their painful strapless bras and decided to parade around with them like they were hand bags. Wait maybe that was just Steph.

So all-in-all it was a really good time. I was a little skeptical about the weekend on Friday but I never seem to fail to make my own fun. But then again that’s what life is all about isn’t it? Making your own fun? Of course there is no better way to do that than with a bunch of giant strangers, some free booze and one heck of a wedding!

By the way, I also walked right out to my car with no problem and drove off after the reception. Who needs a valet to handle a car when people think you are one?

Oh yeah did I mention the wedding was full of giant people? The bride was 6’1”, with the shortest bride’s maid being 5’10”. So with a 6’1” bride who played college basketball, you can only imagine what the rest of the basketball teams, and family looked like. Just thought you’d like to know Andy.