Thursday, June 23, 2005

Time Clocks and web apps and scales, BYE-BYE! Only one more day and I am out of here and off to camp for two weeks! Peace out! Bon voyage! Adios! Sayonara! Ciao! Later! Oh I could go on and on. Maybe I will…Adieu! Hasta luego! Cheerio! Ya'll come back now! So long! See ya! Au revoir! Arrivederci! Goodbye! Farwell! Auf Wiedersehen! G'day!

Abbidee…Abbidee…Abbidee…That’s all folks!

Monday, June 20, 2005

So I've been staying away from soda (pronounced pop here in The Cove) for the last year or so. I have had it every now and then, usually mixed in with some sort of alcoholic beverage. But my all time favorite, and probably will forever be so, is The Dew. Call me woman-esk, but I had this amazing craving for The Dew today at work. So I picked myself up out of my programming chair, and trotted on down to the floor vending machine. I flashed a nice smile at the cute girl I walk past about everyday and dug some change out of my right front pocket. It had been so long since I drank a soda straight from the bottle my mouth just burned for the smooth, fresh taste of The Dew. No sooner was I back at my desk then I was twisting the cap off and guzzling down my first swallow. Oooo it was mighty tasty. Back in my college days, I'd down gallons of this stuff like it was going out of style. My body had become so accustomed to the caffeine I had completely destroyed any type of caffeine high ever, and effectively weeded out any weak sperm I may have been carrying for all eternity. But that was then, and this is now. I finished the bottle off in typical Captain Jimmy style; about 6 lifts to the mouth, with three to four big gulps per mouth feed. Oh yeah that was nice. Come 330ish, however, the stomach decided my little Dew desire was not all fun and games. I felt full until dinner. Where did that come from? You barely touch the stuff for a year and suddenly it comes back to haunt you! Alas, my love for The Dew will remain the same, and perhaps a little trip to the vending machine every now and then isn't a bad thing. Maybe some day the cute girl I pass will actually know I'm smiling at her and not the non-existence people behind her...

Sunday, June 19, 2005

The countdown continues. Only six days until camp! This can't come at a better time either. Not that my life is stressful (anymore) right now, but a vacation will do wonders. Plus I get to hit volleyballs at junior high girl's heads. What isn't fun about that? Some may call it child abuse, but I like to call it, coaching.

By the way, I was thinking today, "When was the last time I saw an overweight Amish?" Think about it. With the 75% overweight population here in The Cove, I'm sure they make up about 75% of the normal weight group. Heck they're always doing something, whether it be riding their bike 10 miles to the store, or plowing the fields. It's amazing really. What we could all learn from a different culture...

Thursday, June 16, 2005

I may be being stalked! This, or Smalls is playing a not so nice trick on me. Here are the details. Late last night I received the following text message: Hi i got your digits from stacey she mentioned tall dark and handsome and a starwars buff. Gotta know more call me for a good time. Now I would have found this entertaining, but I was dead asleep and my phone alarmed and about scared my boxers off. I'm not in the mood for games at 1230 in the AM. The number was a cell based out of Norfolk, Va. Now I play volleyball with a Stacey who does have my cell number, but I'm unaware that she knows I'm a Star Wars buff. If it were Amy, I'm thinking she meant to text Steph and not Stacey. Right now, it's either one of two, but which is it? Hot babe in Norfolk? Or Smalls being drunk again with a new cell phone? If anyone has any information on this event, please contact me (but not with a text at 1230 in the AM) as soon as possible. Rewards may be generous! May be...

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

So I was at the hair cutting place today to get my ears lowered. I was a little early so I leaned over a small table to look at my selection of reading material. Here is what I had to choose from: An Entertainment Weekly from August 2004 (which I have now read about 6 times), an issue of Canabella, the front covers to an issue of Time Magazine and People Magazine, just the covers, and finally a brochure for Home Depot Hardwood Floors. Ahh The Cove. Just think what you all are missing!

Monday, June 13, 2005

Rap your noggin around this one. Take a gander at the picture at the beginning of this entry. What you are looking at is a picture of Swimways Deluxe Dive Buddies. They are dive sticks that you toss into a pool, and then jump in to get them. The following is a recall statement from the government ( pertaining to said product. The product description is as follows:

The dive sticks are soft plastic tubes that have character heads and feet. The characters are a yellow seahorse, a green and purple walrus, a red and blue underwater diver, and a blue shark. The dive sticks are about 7.5 inches long and an inch in diameter. When dropped into water, they sink to the bottom of a pool and stand upright so children can swim or dive down and retrieve them. There is no writing on the products except numbers located on the backs that represent the dive stick├é’s point value. The cardboard-backed packaging shows a photo of fish and coral in an underwater scene. Writing on the packaging includes "“Swim Ways,"” "“Deluxe Dive Buddies" and "Made in China."”

The reason for the recall? How about this: Children can fall or land on these dive sticks in shallow water and may suffer impalement injuries.

Let's put two and two together here. Soft plastic tubes --> suffer impalement injuries. Am I missing something here? Is there anything kids can play with these days? I'm surprised pennies haven't been recalled. Heck a kid could dive down, pick one up from the bottom of the pool and swallow it!

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Captain Jimmy's Bootleg Movie Review: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

So I have refused to read the book for the last 6 years based off the assumption that the novel was nothing more than a random number, er story generator. Author Dent is a lonely human on the planet Earth whose best friend, Ford Prefect, is a tripped out human looking alien. Foreshadowing the Earth's demise, Author's house is demolished to make way for a bypass thru the country side of what could only be England (leave it to the Brits to come up with a movie such as this). Author and Ford Hitchhike aboard a Vorg Construction spaceship to save their lives and find themselves for the rest of the movie searching for The Ultimate Question to which the answer is 42. Random enough for you yet? Don't worry. It gets better. There's a depressed robot, a two headed galactic president who kidnaps himself and giant super computer that likes to watch cartoons. The movie takes you thru worlds and ideas that very few people have even remotely tried to fathom. What's more, there's a love story taking place while all this strangeness is going on as well. If it is true that what makes us humans unique is our creativity and imagination, then this movie is a true testament to that idea. Make sure you're in the mood for an off the wall cinematic event that will involve typical British humor, not to mention a number of whacked out concepts and creations. Despite the incorrect answer to the ultimate question, I give the movie An Interdimensional Journey More Fun Than Morphing Into a Sofa.
Mmm, no; not so much. Can you say, "heat stroke?"
Volleyball tournament in 9 hours. Let's hope it goes better than last weekend's tournament...

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Where did my nice cool PA weather go? I'm frickin' sweatin' out here! God if you're reading this; can you turn the A/C on a little outside and help a brotha out??

And by the way, I'm starting the official count down. 18 days left until camp! And it better cool down by then...And I'm not even joking.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Captain Jimmy's Bootleg Movie Review: Team America World Police

Oh my...Where to even start...Well let's start at the beginning shall we. Unless you are mildly disturbed, you are going to need to throw back a few before watching this movie to find it funny. I was given a warning about such so I took the advance and I am quite thankful I did. Let's face it, the movie's actors/actresses are puppets. You know, those wooden dudes with the strings attached to them. Forgetting about the sex scene (yeah puppet sex) and the puke scene (apparently puppets can do that too) the movie just pretty much made fun of everything and everyone. If you at all find anything offensive, this is not a movie for you. The songs that are sung throughout the movie may just be the most humorous parts of the whole piece. I'm not even going to repeat the lyrics here as I know they will offend people. Basically this review is going to stink because if I say anything about the movie, it's going to offend someone. Which is why you may want a drink or two before seeing the movie. Somehow there was an underlying 90210 theme where everybody liked everybody else, but they weren't going to say anything, but keep in mind...These are puppets I'm talking about. Lots of blood and decapitation too. I didn't know puppets could bleed. Due to my slightly mind altered state I'm giving the movie a rating of More humorous than a drunk guy singing, but perhaps more obnoxious.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Have I ever told this story before? Let's say you could somehow flag every single atom in a full grass of water. Then you take that full glass and dump the water in the ocean. Do like the Soup Nazi says, "Come back; one year!" This will give the atoms time to disperse throughout the ocean. Fill the same glass up with a scoop of water from the ocean. It is guaranteed that at least one atom of the water in the glass will be flagged from the original glass you filled up a year prior. Why is this? Well there are as many atoms in a glass of water as there are glasses of water in the ocean. Rap your mind around that one for a few minutes. That's one mole of a tale isn't it? That sort of stuff just Boyles my mind!

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Don't get me wrong. Riding lawn mowers are nice, but I'm pretty sure I have an idea that would make them even better. How about a cup holder! Think about it. The only time you cut the grass is when it's nice outside and obviously the grass is outside under the sun. The reason you have a riding mower is because you have a lot of grass to cut. So in order to keep you from becoming dehydrated, you need to keep a water, or Gatorade, or in some rare cases, a beer with you. Where does said rider keep this drink though? Yesterday I just held on to the darn thing for a half hour. Not the best idea, but I had no other option. I am now dedicating my weekends to figuring out how I can install a cup holder on our Toro to make the sunny grass cutting days even more enjoyable!