Monday, January 31, 2005

What do you think? Is there actually such a thing as random? Or is there a pattern in everything. There's actually a movie called PI (yeah like the number) that deals with this very issue. It also has some drug issues too, but it is one of those artsie flicks. Anyway, so I've gotten Ashley to start playing the lottery. The guy's got a frickin' horse shoe up his butt and I told he needs to start getting something out of it. So after he picked his numbers for Cash 5 on Friday he unknowingly discovered that the previous drawing contained 2 of his current picks and the three other numbers were only one digit off. His point was well taken, "Close doesn't count." The fact is he nearly picked the previous drawing (he didn't know the numbers, trust me) and in time, he's gonna hit it big! I told him I'd help him out some and pick my own Cash 5 numbers so he'd know which ones had no chance of coming up. So, what if the lottery numbers were not "random" but we could figure out the pattern of the balls. It sure looks like a pattern doesn't it? A couple low numbers, followed by a series of two or three. What if we had the big picture? I mean the really big picture. What if we could see the whole universe over its entire lifetime in a single frame? I can't imagine such a thing would be completely random and chaotic. Can you?

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Another weekend has come and gone and with it, a few insights of life. The first came upon me while I was sleeping last night (actually it was this morning as I didn't get home until 330AM). I had a dream that I was back in school, studying for a test. When I awoke for a brief dream break, I thought to myself, "Man am I happy I never have to do that kind of crap ever again!" The second insight hit me like a sack of bricks. As if I'm not depressed enough about my current age, as I was watching some other teams play volleyball earlier this evening I thought, "I wonder if I will be one of those old people playing the game some day? Right now I'm a young buck playing with the older guys. What will I look like when I'm the older guy out there? How can I ever not be in my 20's?" That thought pretty much did me in for the night. The thought is still in my mind, but I'm slowly getting over it. The kicker came when I thought of myself teaching my daughter (I don't have one yet people, don't worry) how to play volleyball and if I'd ever play in tournaments with her.

Okay, I need to shake these thoughts. So you might be wondering why I got home at 330AM this morning. Well, there's this night club called the YP in Ebensburg, PA where a band called Giants of Science was playing. Though she'll deny it, Steph is a big groupie and follows them all over the state. They were good. We ate, drank, and were merry (some merrier than others). I wore The T-Shirt. I'd tell you what was on it, but this site does need to remain a PG rating (I pretty much killed the G rating last week with my Tom Brady hate post). Let's just say it wasn't pretty and because of it, some people were dancing a little too close to me. But it was still fun. If things like that bothered me, then I'd be bothered, but hey, I didn't know anyone there and they were all drunk off their butts so what did I care? I thought The Vikster could down the drinks . . . Just wait until you meet my friends from around here . . .

Friday, January 28, 2005

My finger is fat. Well, it is right now anyway. I jammed it pretty good last night playing volleyball. Then playing wallyball tonight probably didn't help it much. The thing is it doesn't hurt, it's just really swollen. Whatever. I mean, if my index finger wants to be big for a little while, that's cool with me. It's not keeping me from playing so...It's just keeping me from typing as fast as I usually do.

Work Bathroom Tip of the Day: Make sure you check the toilet paper supply in The Workplace bathroom well before you dedicate yourself to the job. There's nothing more humorous than waiting for the bathroom to clear so you can slip and roll underneath the stall wall to sit on a toilet that actually has some TP next to it so you can finish your work . . .

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Is it just me or does Katie Couric get less attractive by the hour? Maybe if she'd just suck it up and dress her age, it might not be so bad. Her special on Teens and Sex last night was rather interesting. Is it really the norm anymore to be slutty or a player? Over half the teens I see these days fall in those categories. I wonder what the teens will be like when I'm an adult...

Anywho, so I got my report card today at The Workplace. I've stepped it up a bit from last year. The categories are pretty redundant and if you ask me, the whole thing is pretty stupid, but no one really did (ask me that is). Maybe come raise time in May my evaluation will hold some weight. Until then...

still underpaid

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Jimmy's Movie Review: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events

So I enjoy watching Jim Carrey on the big screen, so when I read that he had directed and starred in a new movie, I jumped at the opportunity to go see it. If you haven't heard anything about this movie (not a big surprise since I didn't) then here's the plot in a few seconds. Three children are left orphaned after their parents die in a mysterious house fire. The genius children are shuffled around from guardian to guardian while Jim Carrey's character follows them around in manic attempts to kill the children and obtain their deceased parent's fortune.

What did I think? I thought it was very good. It definitely keeps your interest and has it's quite humorous moments (leeches!), however, the plot does wind up with some holes in it and it's PG rating is way underrated! I mean, there is no harsh language or sexual content, but frankly, this is a dark movie and if I were a kid, I'd have left the theatre with wet pants and crying eyes. The meaning behind the film however is deep and meaningful. If you're looking for more information about the movie, check out the link at the top of this post. Actually, the website was the main reason I saw the movie! In short, if you're in a weird sort of mood and have a great friend to go with, check this movie out. Don't bring the young one's though as they will remembering for life about that scary Jiminy Cricket movie they saw when they were a kid. Sort of like me and Return To Oz. I mean come on! That lady had a hallway of heads she'd wear!

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Now I understand that come wintertime the roads can get a little slippery, so we put down antiskid to keep our tires from sliding around. This is okay with me, as long as there is a limit to the amount of antiskid we put down. Let me give you an example. At The Workplace we’ve had a few snows that have induced us to put down some antiskid around the parking lot and entrance. This is all fine and dandy except that the antiskid was applied in excessive amounts. And in my opinion, excessive amounts of antiskid isn’t really any better than just plain snow. It’s still as slippery because now you just slide around on small stones instead of the snow. Only worse, snow eventually melts, the antiskid stays there. And then the next snow comes and more antiskid is added! We need to stop this insanity now before I can’t even drive up the small hill outside The Workplace.

Tea Bag Quote of the Day: Mind [sic], like parachutes work only when they are open.

Monday, January 24, 2005

So, you all know I went to The Game yesterday. But what you apparently didn’t know was that I did NOT take my cell phone me. Why would I? Now, whoever you are with number 508.789.9*** needs to realize a few things: the first being that I am sparing you a whole mess of ordeal by not displaying your number in its entirety. Second of all, let me tell you the best song I ever heard on the radio on the way to The Game yesterday. It was entitled, Tom Brady is a [F---]. Now the F-word was beeped out, but the song itself was just frickin’ hilarious. Thirdly, let’s not forget who is cool enough to be able to go to The Game in the first place. And finally, I just want you to know that I will be routing for the Eagles in the Super Bowl, and maybe if you’re even slightly remotely lucky, I’ll give you the picture I took of Boobie Brady warming up at The Game (which is probably closer than you’ve ever even gotten to his disease ridden filth).

Moving on to the coldness outside…It’s really cold outside! If The Game last night didn’t finish me off, then going to The Knob tonight did. I lost all feeling in my feet for a few hours last night, so tonight I finished it off with nauseating pain in all my phalanges. Last night it was cold enough for me to buy a blanket and curl up in it for most of The Game. But it was all fun and I’ve got about 98% of all normal feeling back, so I’m a happy camper.

Oh yeah, I almost. So the gods of Chance continue to mock me as I will be wearing the special shirt to the YP come next weekend. Why do I think I ever have good odds? This was only 1 out of 4 that I'd lose! How did I lose??? Here's an experiment to prove my chance challengness. Grab a coin and flip it 3 times. Here is my prediction: head, head, tails. Not even close is it?

T-Shirt Saying of The Game: [F---] the Patriots and the horse they ride on!

Friday, January 21, 2005

So I played wallyball for the first time ever tonight. It was pretty darn fun! I never knew the real rules of the game, but hopefully I'll get to play a little more often. The sport is all about the cross hit. Like I said, it was great fun.

So let me be the first to say something about the weather here. They call for 6 inches, then 12, then 8, then 4, then 10. Come on now people. It's just a game now! I've got the pet spider monkey warming up his arm tonight. I'll let you know how much snow tomorrow morning. So, I know we've talked about it before, but let me bring it up again. Why are people making a mad dash to the grocery store before the big snow? I don't get it. You are not going to be stuck in your house for days! And even if you were, why bread and milk? Why not get some beer and steak and at least make the days enjoyable. That's something I'll never understand and something you'll never ever catch me doing...unless I actually need the stuff and it just happens to be snowing the next day.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

So here's the bet. We put 4 numbers (estimated game scores) into a hat, and two different football teams. Each person picks a number and a team. The loser is the person with the losing team and the number furthest from the combined score. What the heck am I talking about? The bet for Sunday's Stillers game. Oh, did I mention I'm going there? Oh yeah! The loser will be sporting a t-shirt on Jan 29th at a bar with whatever the winning three people decide to write on it. The t-shirt must be worn over top all other apparel and on display at all times. The selected numbers and teams will be drawn at random and placed into sealed envelopes only to be opened on the way home from the game on Sunday night. I haven't yet decided what I'm going to write, but I'll be thinking about it for the next couple days.

So we are also deciding on what our banner should say at the game. My favorites were "Tom Brady Sucks!", "The Bush Bus for president", and my least favorite "Jerome will you marry me!" with an arrow pointing to me. That one wasn't my idea. Some people are a little too obsessed with Jerome...Anywho, I could use some of Ashley's luck here and look for me at the game! As for the banner saying, well your guess is as good as mine. I'll let you know though.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

My life is on a pretty nice rhythm. At times everything in the world is going for me, them the next thing I know I'm at the bottom of the barrel. I've learned though that over time, this is how it should be. We go thru life's hardships during the lows, learn more about ourselves, raising that line. Then when we're at the top of our game, something new is tossed into the mix and back down we go. To quote a song I've been hearing all too much on the radio now that I listen to Froggy, "life is like a roller coaster ride. The ups and downs and crazy turns along the way; It'll throw you off if you don't hold on tight." So here's the deal, you gotta roll with the punches and stay in the ring. Cause this is life. And this is as it should be.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Well, it looks like winter has finally arrived with a few inches of snow. The temperatures are cold (it was 0 degrees this morning when I left for work); some days even cold enough to wear a jacket (today was the first). With any luck The Knob will have more than 8 trails open by this weekend.

On a completely different topic, one of my friends has a dog. Now this is a tiny dog (though I hear he can be viscous) and the dog can barely walk (it seems to enjoy trying to walk on two legs and then falling over and not getting up), but for whatever reason, this dog loves to lick things. Mostly, my hands and fingers. Why this is, I have absolutely no idea. They don't taste like anything to me, and I rarely wash them (oh don't be grossed out, you readers know my habits). But its not just the hands and fingers. He also enjoys licking my pants and face if my hands are unavailable. Two things baffle me here. Why this dog loves to lick human body parts so much and why I let the dog lick as long as he wants (though not my face). Today's record was about 10 minutes...the most yet!

On a side note, I came across and thought of Vikki . . .

Monday, January 17, 2005

I don't know where the drivers are worse. In the south, if it snows, people drive too fast, here in PA, they drive too slow. Now grant it, I have front wheel drive on my car and I've been driving in the snow since I was 16, but come on now people, just because we get an inch or two of the white stuff doesn't mean we need to go 25MPH on a 55MPH road. I've got places to go, people to see, and it may happen that I am on a TIME FRAME HERE! It also doesn't help that half the people in The Cove live in one of several retirement communities. In any event, let's not be idiotic while driving in snow, just cautious and smart. If you're coming to a stop sign, slow down a little more ahead of time. If you're on a straight road and there is visible road where tires will fit nicely, feel free to pick up the pace a little.

You may find you have more fun driving in the snow if you use the e-brake to make turns instead of the foot brake. Though this should NOT be used on roadways that are semi-snow covered. To spare your tires, only use on completely snow covered roads!

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Here are some suggestions to have a fun weekend.
  • Drive 4 hours to play volleyball from 900PM to 100AM non-stop
  • Stay up until 600AM to finish a stupid game of trivial pursuit 90's edition (alcohol should be included)
  • Get up at 1200PM and eat at the sleeziest diner you can find where the medium drinks are smaller than a cocktail glass
  • Eat delicious homemade pizza while watching the Stillers pull off one heck of a victory against the Jets.
  • Stay up until 100AM to watch M. Night Shamalamadingdong's The Village and play Uno (alcohol should be included here too...a pack of 30 should suffice 3 people for the evening (it is then fun to make a tower of cans with all the empty cans!))
  • Continue to stay up and just talk about girls (*giggle giggle*) 'til 430AM
  • Get up at 1200PM again and head back home to play in 2 different volleyball leagues
  • Finally, type blog so all will know how to have a super fun weekend!

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Day 23! I am off the planet and back to my family! I showed the Emperor Doople who was the real boss and carried my piggy bank back to my ship! So now that I'm free from the Pikmin's grip, I can finally be social least until I pick up Pikmin 2...

So why do you think all field reporters feel the need to tell us their name after each report? Who came up with that idea? It's obviously something they all have to do, local and national alike. But do I really care? No. Does anyone else care that Sarah Burgett reported to me from State College or that Jon Hesslman gave me the weather live from Johnstown? No. Yeah I'm glad they shared with me what they did, but I don't need to know their names after every single report! Maybe once a week or so they can share their name with the world for those people who just moved here and are tuning in. But I don't need to be told their names every half hour.

One more thing, how many commercials are there now that have babies talking in them? What's the big draw? I'm not going to eat Quizno's subs because some 10 month old baby (that can't actually talk) told me too. Maybe if Darth Vader, or Jarod told me too I would, but not Baby Dribble. Sorry.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

So it's day 20, and I only have 2 more pieces of my space ship left to collect (yeah that's right, Amy, eat your heart out)! I'm talking about Pikmin again here. I have pretty much shunned my social life completely for the past few days to play this game. It's amazing how much more I am kicking butt the second time around. I have about 500 of the little guys doing my bidding and they aren't quitting any time soon. I wonder what happens when I collect all my pieces by day 21? Hopefully I'll look for more pieces that I have not accounted for. If only my life were Pikmin...

If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm a video game junkie. I once played for 10 hours straight, stopping only to urinate, defecate, and eat. The game was Dynasty Warrior 3 (aka Slice Slice Slice) and I was a senior in college. I was the hot chic with the frisbees of death. I either skipped class to play or I was done early. I don't recall much from that day, all I know is that I had racked up the maximum possible points (999,999) by hour 7, and the only enemy that was giving me trouble was Lu Bu himself. The glutton was somehow the only character almost invincible to any attack I threw at him. Luckily Waldo joined the action at some time and together we were able to overpower the goliath and return order to the ancient orient.

Someday I hope to beat the 10 hour record. I'm not sure yet what game it will be, but I'm sure it will be my greatest achievement ever!

Video Game Quote of the Day: I lost a bomb, do you have it? -- Crazy Ivan (Red Alert 2)

Monday, January 10, 2005

You want news? Here's my news: It's still frickin' warm outside! I haven't worn a coat yet this year (grant it I am able to maintain my body temperature in a very unhumanistic manner minus my metal plated mandible and phalanges (those are not metal plated))! Those weather forecasters say cold is coming this weekend, but I'll just wait and see.

Let's talk football here a little. Looks like Favre choked again! What's his deal? He plays well in the regular season, then come playoff time he's throwing 4 interceptions and flippin' the ball yards past the line of scrimmage, all the while with a dorky grin on his face. Honestly, if you can't handle the playoffs, then maybe it's time to just walk off gracefully. I'm just saying . . .

Next weekend we've got Jets vs. Stillers, Colts vs. Patriots, Vikings vs. Eagles, and those two other teams that no ones is in the post season. Come on now! The AFC Championship game will be way more exciting than the Super Bowl. The Stillers vs. Colts (yeah that's right Vikki, I just don't think your Boston Fan Club is up to the challenge this year) match up should be quite the spectacle. And by the way, those of you who think I jumped on the Stillers bandwagon this year can check posts from last year and see, I was a supporter well before The Rothlisberger made his debut. It'll be black and gold for one long year! GO STILLERS!

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Side bets always seem to make the playoffs even more fun to watch. Due to a loss by San Diego last night, Brad will be sporting body paints and designs of Steph's choosing next weekend. I'm only sorry I won't be around to see that. Sorry Brad...I was routing for you...

So I finished my 30 days of Pikmin and was only able to obtain 25 out of 30 pieces of my broken space ship. The game kept telling me I didn't need all 30 of them (though finally by the end of the game I decoded the stupid color code in the texts on the screen), but I guess I left the wrong 5 pieces behind because my ship didn't make it very far off the ground. Then those little devilish Pikmin snatched me up and turned me into a Pikmin! And then they proceeded to circle around me and jump up and down like wild monkeys on a tree during a full moon. Oh don't worry though! I'm starting over and I will have all of my ship ready to go by day 30! And then I will laugh at those Pikmin while they stand alone on their bizarre world and try to fend for themselves! Bwa ha ha!

Friday, January 07, 2005

I would have blogged last night, but when the cable is out, so it the cable modem internet connection. I guess some places got a little more ice than we did. Those places apparently house our cable provider. Oh well. Last night was Thursday night vball league and I got picked up for yet another league. This one however is the Mecca of all volleyball leagues in the area. The Altoona Men's Power League. It's where the best of the best play. The only bad thing is apparently the cockiest of the cockies play there as well. I'm told the team I'm playing for is the worst team there, which is fine because with arrogant people playing, I'd rather play with people who are there to have fun then to slaughter people. So we'll see how that goes.

So here's a little tidbit of advice. If you ever have the opportunity to eat Rocky Mountain Oysters, you may want to stay clear. Sure the name sounds harmless, however you are actually eating testicles! Sounds yummy huh? Most of the time these are fried and seasoned bull testicles, but they could be turkey or lamb testicles as well. I'm told they are rather quite tasty, but I think I'll stay away from those. I mean, how would I like it if after I was dead someone cut my testicles off and fried them up for dinner? I don't think I would.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Right now I'm wondering if I'll make it to work tomorrow. Currently it's 31 degrees outside and freezing raining (okay, so the weather men finally hit one right, their only fault was not getting the right temperature). My pet spider monkey says hurricane tomorrow with chance of frog. I don't know what to believe. I'll just have to see when I get in my car. That Pssat commercial comes to mind right now with it spinning it's way thru the parking lot. Ahhh, I've played enough Mario Kart to have mastered the power slide...

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Someone explain something here to me. There's currently a winter weather warning out for this area of PA for tomorrow into Thursday. The forecast is for sleet and freezing rain. The temperature low is about 34 to 36 degrees. Now I'm not a genius (okay I am really, but let's pretend I'm not for a second) but last time I had high school chemistry, water froze at a temperature of 32 degrees. If it's not even supposed to get to 32, how can we possibly even have ice??!! I understand how freezing rain works and it doesn't unless it's 32 or below outside. If it's warmer than 32, it's just called rain. Have we as a civilization finally come to a point where we just refuse to even try to think anything thru and instead put our faith in poorly coded computer programs with faulty logic? My gosh! Why don't we just let women rule the world in that case! Whoops, did I type that out loud?

In any event, I've got my pet spider monkey warming up his throwing arm for the season. "Hey! Watch it! The weather dart board is over there you stupid foo!" **Monkey squeals as he's tossed to the other side of the room**

Note: No actual spider monkeys were harmed during the writing of this post!

Monday, January 03, 2005

What the crap?! Another day above 50 degrees weather! The Knob has closed up shop for now and I am slowly seeing my $250 season pass tumble down the slopes like an out of control skier wearing hunting camo. Although, I checked back in The Archives (my previous blogging posts) and discovered that last year at this time it was even warmer! And then we got hit with a crap-load of snow! Doug (graying ski-bum Network Administrator from The Workplace) and I are both a little skeptical of the approaching season but are keeping our heads up.

Oh dear! I almost forgot about the joyous occasion of The Giving of the Gifts for this year's Solstivus Celebrations! The Giving of the Gifts was slightly delayed due to the fact that a few of the Solstivus Elders were unable to attend the meeting ground until New Years Day. But hey, it was the greatest Solstivus EVER! The Spirit of Solstivus was truly upon us! So much so in fact that it even provided us with the first Solstivus Revelation! The true name of The Spirit of Solstivus appears to be Kathyrn. Who would have guessed? Also, a new type of gift category was added to the mix to be known simply as For Display Purposes Only. These are "gifts" that are only to be gazed upon with awed eyes. Such gifts included the likes of the last pair of Dead Gene's underwear, pictures of a Solstivus Miracle (The Miracle of the Poop) and most disturbing of all, pictures of my recent uncle's colonoscopy. Don't turn that disgusted face at me! There's more!

Gifts that were given this year include the likes of previous Hall of Fame gift, Used Burnt Guy's Travel Urn, a paper leaf with attached string, old fax machine manual, Will Smith Fresh Prince of Bel Air button pin, a urine strainer with matching urine cup and even Japanese Chick Flick (though I'm told it's in English with Japanese sub-captions). These were just a fraction of the gifts being offered for this year's Giving of the Gifts. A true Solstivus Miracle! Friends take note! My Solstivus Sac is just as full with new goodies for you all this year as it was last year!

Sunday, January 02, 2005

I've lived thru a lot a catastrophes in my lifetime. Two space shuttle explosions, September 11th, hurricanes such as Hugo and Andrew. Those events however cannot even compare to the disaster in South-East Asia. A thirty foot rise and fifty foot westward shift in one of Earth's tectonic plates causes a wave to travel at 500 MPH and come crashing to the shores or dozens of countries at a height of 60 feet. Hundreds of thousands of people are killed with even more injured and without families. Can we as people even fathom that sort of number of people? That would be like Beaver Stadium being filled and overflowing with people. And just like that, they are gone. That's 0.003% of the population of this world. That number may sound small, but the fact is, it's a percent of six billion plus.

What's left now is a clean up effort with relief and support teams. More people will die from disease, illness, and homelessness. As a Christian, it's a hard time to understand the will of God. Why the sudden and catastrophic act of randomness? What is it now that we are supposed to do? Some will be called to go there and help, others will help from home. Some will morn while other will pray. If you're looking for a website with information on the efforts in South-East Asia and how you might be able to help, check out There's information on missing people, how and where you can donate money, as well as news and updates. Maybe it's time to stop asking, "Why did that happen?" and start asking, "What can I do?"