Friday, June 22, 2007

' I've decided that my typical work day could 
be devised into a single computer application that
would be able to mimic me being at work. For those
of you that can read Visual Basic code, here is the
program for my new android, Jimmy Workday (greatly
simplified of course).
Public Class JimmyWorkday

Private codeLikeAMoFo As New Threading.Thread

Private Sub Work()

' sleep until the alarm goes off
While Not alarmActive
Threading.Thread.Sleep(1000)
End While

' get a** to work
MorningRoutine.Shower()
MorningRoutine.GetDressed()
MorningRoutine.DriveToWork("Cavalier")

' do work
alreadyEatenBreakfast = False
alreadyEatenLunch = False
While workToDo And DateTime.Now <= quittingTime

' check emails
For Each email In Outlook.Inbox.Emails
ReadEmail(email)
If email.ConstitutesResponse Then
Outlook.ReplyAll()
WriteSemiCoherentResponse()
Outlook.Send()
End If
Next email

' answer phone (if necessary)
If Phone.IsRinging Then
For i As Int32 = 0 To knownPhoneNumbers.Count - 1
If knownPhoneNumbers(i).Number = Phone.Number Then
If knownPhoneNumbers(i).ShouldNotIgnor Then
Phone.Answer()
End If
End If
Next i
End If

' get bowl of cereal for breakfast
If DateTime.Now.Equals(breakfastTime) And Not alreadyEatenBreakfast Then
FrostedMiniWheats.PourIntoBowl()
EatBreakfast(FrostedMiniWheats)
alreadyEatenBreakfast = True
End If

' use the bathroom if gotta go
If natureIsCalling Then
GetToBathroom()
sitAndWaitTimer = 0
While noReleif Or sitAndWaitTimer < TimeSpan.FromMinutes(15)
TryForReleif()
Threading.Thread.Sleep(TimeSpan.FromMinutes(1))
sitAndWaitTimer += 1
End While
ReturnToDesk()
End If

' eat lunch
If DateTime.Now >= lunchTime And Not alreadyEatenLunch Then
Lunch.Devour()
alreadyEatenLunch = True
End If

' code like a mo-fo in a mindless state while doing everything else
If codeLikeAMoFo.ThreadState = Threading.ThreadState.Unstarted Then
codeLikeAMoFo.Start()
End If

' take a break every now and then to stay sane
If gettingBored Then
If Not tiredOfSurfingNet And feelingLuckyToNotGetNannied Then
SurfTheNet()
ElseIf Not tiredOfTalkingToPeople Then
GoTalkToPeople()
Else
WasteTimeDoingStupidStuffLikeCodingMyDay()
End If
End If
End While

' when home from work, exercise and eat
EveningRoutine.DriveHome("Cavalier")
EveningRoutine.Exercise()
If GoogleCalendar.VolleyballEventExists Then
GoPlayVolleyball()
End If
EveningRoutine.EatDinner()

' watch tv or whatever else
Select Case DateTime.Now.DayOfWeek
Case DayOfWeek.Monday
TV.Watch("HowIMetYourMother")
Case DayOfWeek.Tuesday
Movie.Watch(netflixMovie, neighbor)
Case DayOfWeek.Thursday
TV.Watch("TheOffice")
Case Else
DoStuff()
End Select

' get ready to do it all over again
EveningRoutine.Read()
EveningRoutine.GoToBed()
End Sub

End Class

1 comment:

Janet said...

Very funny :) Sadly (or happily, depending on how you look at it), I actually understood it all and my programming days came flooding back to me. eek