Luck smiles upon me one night a year apparently; at the The Workplace Christmas Party. If you recall last year, I took home the grand prize after trading tags with Mr. Horseshoe-Up-His-A** himself. Well apparently we didn't just exchange tags that year, but it was indeed Luck. You'll never believe it, but I won the grand prize once again at this year's party! Last year's gift was a TV with built in DVD and VHS player. This year's gift was a 19 inch, LCD HDTV with built in DVD player. It's funny because I probably have only used last year's gift a maximum of 5 times since then. Of course when my Christmas tag was called I thrust my arms in the air and rode an invisible horse all the way past the tables of people and to the podium. Okay, so the riding the horse part isn't true but I did feel sort of bad winning the grad prize two years in a row. People were slightly irritated as well I think, which, honestly I would be too if I were in their shoes. Luckily and ironically I am not. Although Luck's brilliant shine was extremely short lived because I caught every single red light from the time I left the party until the time I got home. Who the flip gets stuck at a red light for 2 minutes at 1AM in the morning? Your's Truly that's who.

I’m having some issues in life right now. If you care to hear what they are, continue reading.

• If it’s cold enough for the schools to close, then it should be cold enough for The Workplace to close, especially when the geothermal heating is not working.
• The Super Bowl in 56 inches of high def, absolutely amazing! A 3 second plus delay between audio and video, nothing short of bewilderment.
• Snow falling from the sky day after day after day could be the most wonderful thing that has happened this winter; however the fact that there is less snow on the ground in the evening than in the morning day after day after day just irritates the crap out of me!
• If Cingular used to be AT&T, and is now becoming the New AT&T what will it be in another 2 years? The New Cingular? What kind of sick f’in game is this? Its times like these I’m glad I’m a Verizon customer. At least the Death Star AT&T logo is back.
• “Secret secrets are no fun. Secret secrets hurt someone.” So does my bed board when I walk into it!
• Why does there always have to be a reason for someone nearly passing out when giving blood? Why can’t you just accept the fact that sometimes I do it, sometimes I don’t? I don’t try to do it purposefully. Does it look like I’m having fun to you, sweating and turning white? I eat, I drink, I give; let’s just leave it at that and call it a day.
• Did I mention the wind chill is 30 below? Flip that’s cold!!
• Drinking 72 ounces of water and eating a doughnut or two in 1.5 hours can make you gain 6 pounds in, well, 1.5 hours. Drinking 72 ounces of water will also make you pee at least 5 times in the 1.5 hours that follows. This is not good when you’re half a building’s length from the bathroom. Your pants also get a little tighter after the 9 cups of water.
• If you had my Luck and all the Colts had to do was kick an obvious 30 yard field goal on fourth down with a few minutes left in the game to absolutely seal a Super Bowl victory and win me $120, you wouldn’t have won $120 either. Why wouldn’t you kick the field goal?!!! WHY?!!!!!!!

This picture is Luck. The following story is my life on Luck. You’ll have questions.

If you’ve been wondering why it’s flippin’ freezing outside and snowing like it’s going out of style it’s because recently (and for a short period of time only) I have come into the possession of one BMW Z3 convertible. It’s on loan from my great aunt who is currently and temporarily unable to drive it. I’ve been itching to drive this thing for years and years now! Then finally I had my chance. And what the flip happened? It went from 65 to 25 in exactly 10 hours flat. Add a couple inches of snow and that adds up to me driving the thing approximately 7 times, one of which was in an ice storm and another in a flippin’ blizzard.

Last night I left home to eat dinner with my grandma and the weather was beautiful out! The roads were dry and the sun was shining (still blazin’ cold though). So I figured I take The Beamer out. I left after dinner to drive into The Big City to play some volleyball and suddenly it was a white out! I couldn’t see the road markings, I was sliding all over the place (why anyone would want a vehicle with rear-wheel drive is beyond me), and I couldn’t see more that 20 feet in front of me. By the time I got there and back narrowly avoiding two sliding collisions and one heck of an icy parking space, I was half drained. If I were a woman, I probably would have cried. Every day I take my Chevy out because they call for snow, it doesn’t and roads are dry. I back The Beamer out of the garage and it’s a guaranteed snow maker. WTF? I told my dad last night I was never driving the thing again. While I do like the snow it’s not worth that kind of emotional stress. What does it matter anyway? As soon as I return the car the temps will be back up to 70. When the weather gets nice again, you’ll know when I returned The Beamer.

My luck may have just been changed forever. This past Monday was The Workplace Christmas Party. It’s held annually and I have attended annually since I’ve been employed by The Workplace. My good friend, once colleague, and now boss has also attended every year since he has been employed which is a few years longer than I. Now if you’re an avid reader, or close friend you know that Luck looks down upon me and laughs horrifically in my face whilst mocking me and punching me every so painfully in the jaw with it’s left hook. But I’ve learned to live with Luck (or lack there of) treating me that way. Said friend (who will now be reffered to as The Luckster) apparently enjoys kissing serious Luck booty along with stealing Luck’s horseshoes and cramming them up his butt. The Luckster has won everything from big cash, to printers, to Stillers tickets. Every single flippin’ Christmas party held by The Workplace he has attended, he has won a gift. Me on the other hand . . . ha ha! Dream on!

So here’s how it went down. When an employee walked into the party room he/she randomly picked a little slip of paper out of a basket that contained a Christmas word or phrase. At the end of the evening, 10 or so Christmas slips were called and the keepers of said slips were awarded prizes. My slip read, “Merry Christmas.” “Yeah merry flippin’ Christmas indeed you big loser,” I thought to myself. So knowing The Luckster’s luck (and mine) I offered a trade of Christmas slips with him. Now he was very well aware of my relationship with Luck and its left hook and still grinningly accepted my offer. I ironically took over his “Wise Men” slip and he took my “Merry Christmas” slip (now I am not lying about the phrases on these slips my friends. This only makes my story that much more entertaining). Now we both were thinking the same thing at the time of the exchange; that The Luckster was once again going to win a prize this year but it would be with the slip I had just traded him.

So the end of the night drew near and after a long, oh so very long “Entertainment” of listening to high school kids sing Christmas carols, it was prize give-a-way time! I wasn’t really optimistic about winning anything as I am a realist but I was just waiting for The Luckster to get his call. One prize was left; the grand prize. The Slip Reader read the very last phrase and to my utter amazement he uttered the words, “wise men.” For the first couple seconds I was in shock. It was like the dream I had never had. I had won! I actually won!! Ironically I deemed to be the “wiser man” and gave Luck the beat down of the century by making the trade of the millennium! Merry Christmas indeed to The Luckster! We all got a big laugh as I tour off the rapping paper of my huge box and gazed upon my brand spankin’ new 20” TV/DVD/VCR/USB combo. Oh it was sheer and total bliss! Ahhh I can still relish in it now as I type.

The drive home I couldn’t help but think what had just happened earlier that evening. Had I changed the course of my life forever with the swap of a mere piece of paper? What if it wasn’t just an evening’s luck that I had traded but a whole lifetime’s? It was like I was in that movie with Lindsay Lohan (don’t I wish!) where she kissed some dude and their luck got swapped, only my kiss wasn’t a kiss (thank goodness) at all, but a simple slip of paper. Now I can only wait and see what Luck will do for me. Was it truly just a night’s exchange or has the whole balance of the cosmos suddenly been shifted in my favor? Only time will tell. Until then I do believe this shall be recorded as this year’s first official Solstivus Miracle, “The Exchanging of the Luck!” Once it’s past by the Founding Fathers of course.