Wednesday, September 06, 2006

So I made it thru the wedding. Of course I didn’t know a soul there as I sat in the very back in front of a bunch of people my age that obviously knew each other and most likely went to school with the bride. The church was quite fancy and traditional and I wasn’t quite sure where the hymnals were that the reverend kept referring too. But that was okay. I couldn’t really hear what the heck was going on. Would it have been rude to bring my iPod in with me during a wedding? Looking back on it, I probably would venture to say, “Abso-frickin’-lutely!”

So I got me a nice little piece of paper with the directions to the reception after we were all dismissed. Ha! Like I knew where the heck I was going. Plus I was pretty sure the poorly drawn map was actually a mirror reflection of what it should have been; at least half of it anyway. So I made it to the country club where the reception was at. I follow signs that read, “Valet Only” (as those were the only signs that were visible) which brought me right in front of the doors. Now my dad informed me that this was a very very upscale place. Who the crap was I impressing!? No one of course so while the valet dude (and he was a dude by the way) looked at me thru my car window as I slowed down, I gave a nice little smile and drove on thru like I was part of the valet team and was parking a car. Brother did that work! I parked my own vehicle and walked right up to the doors from the parking lot. As I have discovered in the past, if you look like and portray you belong, people will accept that as the truth. Oh there is so much you can learn thru observation!

So I entered the country club and was quite aware that I was definitely NOT dressed like anyone else. And by that I mean I was not in a dark suit, but a new pair of semi-worn kakis, a silver-bluish button shirt and matching tie. So I walked over to the bar and helped myself to a nice free beer and a few h’orderves. After standing around knowing precisely no one for about 25 minutes waiting for my friend, Steph to get back from her picture shoot, the groom’s uncle and aunt approached me and uttered the following, “So you’re standing here all by yourself, not talking to anyone. What’s your story?” A little shocked at their directness, but not insulted, I explained to them my “story” and was pretty sure they felt a little sorry for me (as they really should have been, but frankly I was quite happy people watching) and they eagerly said they’d introduce me to some other people there my age. I’m sure Aunt was singing, “Match maker match maker make me a match” in her mind throughout all of this as that is what women do.

So I’m introduced to Meg. Meg went to high school with Steph, or so she thought. Turns out it was really one of Steph’s older sisters. Anywho, I got to know Meg a little and she took me to be introduced to her mom and Mom’s friend. Meg’s husband was currently MIA as I learned he didn’t speak English very well (this was evident later on when I finally met Meg’s Husband), not that that had anything to do with him being absent. Then finally Steph showed up and introduced me to some of her closer friends. Enter Sandy. Sandy is a graying, red haired, school teacher from Baltimore. A riot this one is, not to mention her drunken mother. Sandy wasn’t graying because of her age (she is my age after all) but more so because of her stressful job. Sandy came with her partner Jenn who is a software engineer. Unfortunately it seemed she worked for a government contractor so she couldn’t talk too much about what she did but we did enjoy some good nerdy discussions.

Finally it was time to sit down and luckily Sandy and Jenn were at my table, lucky #16. Somehow it turns out that I am always at the fun table at weddings. You know they type; the table makes fun of all the other tables and laughs most of the time. Hmmm, maybe it’s me that does that. Anywho, after about 3 speeches and 2 blessings later we finally got our food. It wasn’t bad, steak, fish, some kind of magical potato that was already mashed on the inside. The fish was spread with what we decided to call, Green. Just, Green. No idea what it was, or what it tasted like, but it wasn’t bad. So finally another couple speeches later we got desert, Sandy sneaked me some Bailey’s for my coffee and we had a good time. The band lead singer looked exactly like Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing so we tried to get him to sing Hungry Eyes. I don’t think he got the joke, but he wouldn’t play the song anyway. During dancing I got know Amanda a little better (Steph’s friend who took her from the mall earlier that day) or mostly that she really seemed to enjoy dancing. I also learned I’m one of the only people that knows the words to One Week, you know the Chickity China, the Chineese Chicken song by Bare Naked Ladies.

So countless drinks later (not by me, but by Steph and Amanda) it was time to go. At least that’s what the wedding people said. I guess you could say we closed the place. From there we headed to a hotel bar when people enjoyed yet another round of drinks. There Amanda and Steph decided they had enough of their painful strapless bras and decided to parade around with them like they were hand bags. Wait maybe that was just Steph.

So all-in-all it was a really good time. I was a little skeptical about the weekend on Friday but I never seem to fail to make my own fun. But then again that’s what life is all about isn’t it? Making your own fun? Of course there is no better way to do that than with a bunch of giant strangers, some free booze and one heck of a wedding!

By the way, I also walked right out to my car with no problem and drove off after the reception. Who needs a valet to handle a car when people think you are one?

Oh yeah did I mention the wedding was full of giant people? The bride was 6’1”, with the shortest bride’s maid being 5’10”. So with a 6’1” bride who played college basketball, you can only imagine what the rest of the basketball teams, and family looked like. Just thought you’d like to know Andy.

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