If you’ve eaten at Subway within the last year or so you would know that their sub stamp program is no more. You remember how these worked. For every six inches of sub you ordered, you got a Subway stamp. After you collected ten stamps you got free six inches of sub (for those of you that are math inclined, you could look at it as buy 10 subs, get one free, but only if you remembered where you kept your Club Card and dared to lick those repulsive stamps). So now that they have finally fazed that out they went to a new magnetic swipe club card that you can store points, or keep cash on. “Okay” I thought when I first learned about this. “This sounds like a good idea. No more licking ghastly stamps that have had a number of unknown handlers.” So when I got the chance a couple months ago, I picked up my new card, had the sandwich artist swipe it and thus earned some subway points. A few months later I was at a different Subway and tried to get some more points on my card. Low and behold they had absolutely no idea what this new club card was. So of course, they didn’t swipe it. A little later that month at yet a different Subway, I attempted to get some points yet again. While this store knew of the new cards, it didn't do anything with them yet except hand them out (yeah a lot of flippin’ good that does). Then finally tonight at yet another Subway I tried one more time to get more points added to my card only to be told that this Subway only uses the cash-store feature and does not offer points for subs purchased.

Okay, now it is rant-and-rave time. This whole concept of the new Subway card is completely and utterly asinine! While the model is good, it makes absolutely no sense for different Subways to honor the card in diverse ways. Why the crap would anybody want that? The whole point of these things is to encourage people to eat at Subway more with rewards. All it makes me want to do is remove the blasted thing from my wallet because clearly the only thing it is good for is taking up space and annoying the crap out of me. The fact that anyone would find such an inconsistent system useful, or even noteworthy is just completely unreasonable and preposterous. If Subway only wants to the use this new card in one way, then so be it, but at least be unswerving with the notion. Frankly I would rather pull a dead, featherless bird from a smelly corpse’s hand than I would to present the brainless Subway card at yet a different Subway only to be embarrassed by yet a completely different chronicle as to how the card works at THAT particular store. While Jon Lovitz has encouraged me to "JUST EAT THE SANDWICH!" it makes me wonder why he has yet to mention this wonderful new club card . . .