Let’s talk about hand washing since it apparently was the topic of conversation this past Homecoming weekend. In my opinion, at least 95% of the people that wash (or warsh as some people ‘round here say) their hands after going to the bathroom do so incorrectly. This makes me upset because people complain about me not washing my hands at all (only after going #1) when really these people aren’t doing anything worse than myself (though I will argue in a little as to why there is no need to the excessive hand wash). Properly washed hands should be done so by wetting the hands first and working up a rather and being sure to wash all areas of the hand including the fingers, palms, back of the hand, finger nails and wrists for at least 20 seconds. Then the hands should be thoroughly rinsed and dried. Finally the kicker is using a paper towel to turn the water off. Of course you can use the waterless hand sanitizer instead of soap as long as you continue to rub your hands until they are dry, for it is the alcohol in these products that kills the germs not the friction of rubbing your hands together as some have you believe. This is true for soaps too, just not the alcohol part but the fact that they have other bacteria killing ingredients.¹

So the reality that 95% of people don’t actually do this (most people I witness at The Workplace wash for approximately 8 to 10 seconds and barely cover their hands in soap) is really no worse than me not washing my hands. My argument for not washing my hands is this. As soon as people touch the water faucet after washing, or the door handle for that matter, all the germs that they just fought so long to get rid of are back on their hands. Also I’ll have all my readers know that down there is one of the most cleanest areas of the male body. It typically is washed once a day and is protected the entire day by on average, two layers of comfortably worn cotton. In most cases that area does not handle such bacteria infected material as money, food, garbage, or even snot for that matter. So why would I need to wash my hands after handling such a sanitary device? I don’t, especially if I don’t touch the flusher with my hands (nor do I head-butt the flusher either).

Let’s face it. Germs are everywhere on everything! Probably some of the germiest things you touch everyday are money, and get this Corporate America, your computer keyboards and mice. Ewe! Because honestly when was the last time you washed those at work? And if people are leaving giant turds on the bathroom floor for the innocent and naive to come across, I can almost guaranty that those same people are secretly wiping their naked bottoms on your keyboard and thinking, “This was just as fun as when I did this in college!”

¹ WebMD