Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Chalk up another stalker today. Only this one may require a restraining order. Something I haven't had to muster up with the other two quite yet. On a plus note, this one isn't married, but on a bad note, she may not be out of the third grade yet either.

Now that I have your attention, it's story time. So I started helping with this girl’s volleyball clinic every other Tuesday for 3rd to 6th graders. I figured it sounded like something to do, and I'm all for generating interest in volleyball. So two weeks ago we had probably close to 40 girls attend. This week it had dropped down to 30, but that's definitely okay, because if they don't want to be there, they shouldn't be there. I'm pretty sure I don't know any of their names, but they sure know mine (Coach James of course, or Dude as this other girl calls me), especially this one little ball of energy. No matter what the drill, she makes sure to follow me around to where I am coaching and "show off" or basically just draw attention to herself. This then escalates to her thinking she and I are in a personal dodge ball match, with her constantly winning. Serving time comes and the game becomes Lets Try to Hit Coach James with a Serve.

During hitting practice I sucked it up and told her that I had gotten a restraining order on her and she had to stay at least 10 feet away. I don't know why she didn't believe me. That was evident by her grabbing my arm at some point and dragging (and by dragging I don't mean literally because frankly if a 3rd grade girl could drag me across a gym floor I'd probably wet myself as she would have to be an actual real life ogre or something like that) me to the other side of the gym.

So in a few weeks I'm sure I'll see that little bundle of joy again as she has probably told her parents by this point that she wants to go to this clinic everyday, even though we don't offer it but once every couple of weeks!

What the heck is my deal? Am I really that unappealing to chicks my own age? Grant it I realize that obsessive video game playing isn't a huge chick magnet, but I'm willing to share. Or course I don't let anybody win. Not even my 6 year old cousin. And she really doesn't seem to like it when I throw my controller down to the floor then stand up with my arms thrusting to victory while shouting, "Oh yeah! I crushed you!!" Sometimes I throw in a little circular Stirring-The-Cauldron arm dance too.


DMM said...

I have a for real S T A L K E R. So I'll make a deal - you help me out and I'll help you out.

My stalker is friendly in a creepy kinda way - I have done everything but be rude to him about my current situation and my standings of not wanting to date and he just doesn't get it.

So maybe if you and I could kinda "hook up" at a local bar and you could fuss all over me he would get the picture he's really not my type - it might help...

It's either you or I call the escort service. LOL

Anonymous said...

Dude, if you can't throw a game to a 6 yr old --- call for help.