There is a new segment on the blog. It will be called Captain Jimmy’s Bootleg Movie Review. This is where I appropriate a bootleg of a movie, any movie, recent or old, and do a full review for the fans. For consistency sake, all bootlegs shall be stored on a DVD and previewed using a Panasonic DVD player, 42” Widescreen LCD TV, and an Onkyo 5.1 Dolby Surround Sound System. So let’s kick things off shall we.

Captain Jimmy’s Bootleg Movie Review: White Noise

Up until last night, I always thought that white noise on a TV or radio was simply electronic frequencies left over from the big band and exploding supernovas. However it seems that buried not-so-deep into the polar-bear-in-a-snow-storm fuzzy screens of channel 1 lies the deceased from our city (but only at 2:30 and that can be AM or PM). Luckily it doesn’t house them from all over the world. After his hot wife’s death, Jon Rivers, a successful architect, becomes obsessed with contacting his late wife who was mysteriously killed in a car accident. Whilst communicating with a few other dead people seekers, Rivers decides to set up shop for himself and invest in what must be tens of thousands of dollars worth of recording equipment and software to listen to the departed himself. It seems Jon is able to record images and sounds from those beyond our realm but he soon discovers that the images he is seeing occur before the deceased is actually terminated. Somehow Rivers escapes from being considered a suspect in the 4 murders that take place even though he either has no alibi or is actually at the scene of the crime. In the meantime there are 3 evil spirits that seem to somehow also have a connection with all the murders. Rivers also in some way overlooks these spirits despite their appearance hundreds of times in his TV screens. In the end (well if you’d like to call it that) Rivers discovers the root of all the evil that has been taken place. Up until this point, the movie is great! There are scenes that really make you jump. However the last 10 minutes really leave a lot to be desired. The credits started rolling just as the words, “What the heck was that?” came out of my mouth. After spending about 30 minutes on the internet to try and figure out what the ending actually foretold, I decided I was wasting my time and just came up with my own account as to what the ending was. If you’re looking for a movie with a real, “Ooooo that was good” ending, this is not the one. The final scenes really killed the movie and created absolutely no closure what so ever. If you’re into movies where you watch up to the last 15 minutes and fall asleep because your dead tired from partying the night before and don’t really care enough about the movie to go back and watch the end, then this is the movie for you! If you want a good movie with an ending to oooo and ahhh about with your friends, then you’d be better off seeing anything else. I give it Two Lightsabers Short of a Jedi Master.