Tuesday, January 09, 2007

So when you spend time at home on Saturdays you tend to play a lot of video games and watch a lot of TV. Well at least I do. So after I played Wii for a few hours this past weekend I needed a break. Sadly I was sick of the normal stuff I watch on TV so I decided to pick something I’d never ever watch. Like the movie Ice Princess. Why did I watch this? It’s everything I hate. Figure skating, high school, attractive nerds that don’t actually want to be nerds. I felt much less like a dude and more like a teenage prom queen after watching this. This is NOT a good feeling.

However, onto my main point of this entry. If you’re looking for the most asinine, the most ridiculous, the most stupid, brainless, obnoxious, loathsome, detestable, idiotic and intolerable TV show of all time, look no further than the show Pants Off Dance Off. This can be found on the FUSE network (which I don’t even know what they are supposed to be broadcasting or what that stands for) usually around 10PM or so. Somehow this magnificent whorish entertainment has found its way into its second season. How this is even remotely possible I’ll never know nor attempt to comprehend. The show is exactly what the title says. Contestants have a dance off while taking their pants (and the rest of their clothes) off. Of course the censor picture comes up once they’ve gotten everything off, but you can text, send money and then download the actual uncensored footage if you mistakenly feel inclined to do so. I wouldn’t really recommend this mainly because, well it costs money, and 90% of the contestants are either butt ugly, a dude or both. But wait, things get better! The dancer is superimposed on the music video of the song they are stripping to. The icing on the cake is when the other contestants appear on the screen and talk smack about the current dancer. Then there takes place what is called the “Dance Off” (I have no idea how they ever came up with that name). This is where the smack talker and pants offer both appear and dance on the screen, now wait for it, AT THE SAME TIME! This lasts approximately 10 seconds before the smack talker is instantly removed from the screen and the song (and dancer usually) come to an end.

So if you have low self esteem either about the way you dance, look, or both, or you feel your sex life is a little disappointing, you could do yourself a favor and watch this show. It would be like an instant esteem high! I wouldn’t recommend this for more than 10 minutes however, as you might actually find blood spewing from your nasal cavity in what I like to call the Aneurysm of Unimaginable Abhorrent TV Filth.

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